Eliminating Jealousy after Enlightening from the Hint of a Prolonged Toothache

(Minghui.org) Master has benevolently protected me during the more than 20 years of my cultivation journey. When I did well, Master encouraged me. When I did not do so well, Master reminded me. When I did wrong, Master gave me a warning.

I would like to share a recent incident which helped me eliminate my jealousy.

I’m extroverted, straightforward, and outspoken. I always thought that I did not have an attachment to jealousy, so I did not need to improve in this aspect. I knew I was competitive so I focused on eliminating that attachment.

When my tooth ached recently, I looked within. I realized my not guarding speech was the fundamental cause of the toothache. Despite admitting my mistake to Master a few times, the tooth still ached intermittently.

The tooth did not ache when I was busy. It did not hinder me doing the three things nor did it hinder my housework. It usually happened when I finished my work and was about to rest, or just before I went to sleep at night. When it started aching, the entire half of my head throbbed, so I could not rest properly. Sending righteous thoughts did not help, but instead the tooth ached more. The only time it did not hurt was when I memorized the Fa. The toothache persisted for over 20 days.

One day before I went to bed, I asked Master for help, “Master, my toothache has not gone away but I do not know where I have gone wrong. Please enlighten me.”

Just before I woke up I clearly heard one sentence, “Badmouthing others behind their backs.” I understood that Master was enlightening me.

Thinking back, I remembered criticizing two practitioners behind their backs. I had done this more than once. When I analyzed what my motive was, I noted it was caused by jealousy. Master’s hint was like a heavy knock on my head to wake me up. I was suddenly enlightened and was able to take a hard look at myself. Not only did I have an attachment to jealousy, it was very strong. The attachment to competing with others came from this jealousy. It caused me to forget to guard my speech, and thus I badmouthed fellow practitioners behind their backs. This attachment was so strong, and very scary!

The Cause of My Resentment

I went through a big illness tribulation a few years ago which lasted for two months. My family members and practitioners were so worried about me that I thought I would not survive it.

While my situation seemed hopeless, the people that I longed to see were fellow practitioners. They all came to visit me, and encouraged me. Only practitioner Qiang, who is the coordinator for a relatively large area, did not come to visit me, not even once. I did not expect him to behave like this because he always treated me well and helped me a lot.

When I had nowhere to stay, he protected me and helped me. After I was illegally sent to a forced labor camp, he often visited my family members and reminded them to visit me often to reduce the persecution against me. After I was released, he coordinated with other practitioners to help me set up a family information materials production site.

With the assistance of a technical practitioner I was able to do my small part to frequently submit articles to the Minghui.org website. Whenever my article was published or when other practitioners asked me to help them write their articles, he reminded me not to be attached to being happy. Whenever I could not pass a test, he always reminded me to abide by the Fa. This greatly encouraged me.

I felt even closer to him than I did to my family members. In a way, he had become my spiritual support. However, when I was going through the life and death tribulation, he did not show up. I was very surprised, and I resented him.

I was also angry with practitioner Bing, who is the coordinator for our village. Qiang always contacts Bing. When Qiang goes to see Bing, he must pass by my house. Due to safety concerns, Qiang does not come to my house unless there’s a special reason. Some matters are usually coordinated by Bing and me, however if there is any work that requires his help, Qiang will come.

When I was bedridden for two months, Qiang went to Bing’s house many times but didn’t come to visit me even though he walked past my house. While I got really resentful, I also started to suspect that the reason why he did not come to visit me was because of Bing, who might have criticized me behind my back. The resentment in my heart then became deeply buried without me realizing it.

My relationship with the both of them still seemed to be the same on the surface, but in my heart, there was always a “knot.” I did not know that this knot was caused by jealousy. Due to this attachment I often badmouthed Bing and Qiang behind their backs. Bing is an introvert. She does not say what she thinks but keeps things in her heart. So my relationship with her is strained. I secretly disliked Bing and always focused on her flaws. Not only did I point out her shortcomings in front of her, I also spoke badly about her behind her back.

The practitioners around me saw that I appeared to be aggressive, and reminded me many times about it. However, I just could not change. I was always filled with regret afterwards, but I just could not change my behavior. I realized that this endless toothache was benevolent Master’s reminder to let me know that I still had such a strong attachment to jealousy. I specifically looked at fellow practitioners’ flaws and did not guard my speech. So it was jealousy that led to my competitive mentality and resulted in this display of demon nature in me. This tribulation exposed my attachment quite vividly. Master is helping me to recognize it and thus improve myself based on the Fa.

Master said:

“Jealousy is a serious problem since it directly bears on whether a person can achieve spiritual perfection. If you can’t rid yourself of jealousy it will undermine all of the work you have done on your character. There is a rule: anyone who doesn’t free himself of jealousy while practicing cannot attain true divine standing. No exceptions. You may have heard at some point that Buddha Amitābha allows people to be reborn into his paradise with karma. But that will not happen in the case of jealousy. Those who fall short in some minor regard or other may be able to carry on with spiritual practice after being reborn there with karma, but not those who harbor jealousy. Now that I’ve explained this to you, who are practitioners, you really need to stop this folly. You must be free of jealousy if you want to ever achieve real spiritual progress. And it is for this reason that I’ve singled it out.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)

Finally Waking Up

When I reflected on my tribulation with the Fa principles in Master’s lectures, I suddenly woke up and saw my mistake. I did not truly believe in Master and the Fa, so I didn’t understand the Fa principles correctly. This caused this vicious cycle. I suddenly realized how bad my cultivation state was.

This is so scary and sad. Not only did I harm fellow practitioners, I was also harming myself. The most critical problem was that despite cultivating for all these years, I ended up cultivating on a deviant path. Weren’t all my cultivation efforts in vain?

Master was truly anxious about me but he could only give me a “stick warning” in the form of the toothache. I wept and regretted letting Master’s benevolent salvation down.

Soon after I began practicing, Master had opened my celestial eye. The sacred and grand images in other dimensions accompanied me through each and every illness tribulation. Falun always accompanied me. However, now I truly understand that the reason Master gave me this ability was to help me strengthen my confidence in cultivating and encourage me to cultivate diligently. But I did not truly cultivate myself. Instead I made Master worry about me and I let his benevolent salvation down.

I finally understood the need and the importance of eliminating my jealousy.

I thanked Master for not giving up on me despite my giving him so many worries. Thank you Master for the “wake up warning.” Master is benevolent and great. Words can’t describe my gratitude.

I must eliminate my attachment to jealousy that not only harmed others and me but also disturbed my cultivation. I must thoroughly eliminate it. I decided to write this article to expose my jealousy. I must catch up and put in more effort to cultivate myself well.