(Minghui.org) I have been practicing Falun Dafa with my mother since childhood. I am now in my 30s. When I was in college, I was busy with schoolwork. After I graduated, I was busy in my job. I slacked off in my cultivation due to attachments of fame and personal interest. I felt regret, but Master never gave up on me. 

Due to the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) virus – the coronavirus pandemic, I stayed at home with my mother. She came down with serious sickness karma, which allowed me to find my deeply hidden attachment.

Taking Care of My Mother

My mother used to suffer from epilepsy, but it disappeared after she started practicing Falun Dafa.

On the 2016 Chinese New Year's Eve, my mother was arrested for filing a criminal complaint against Jiang Zemin, the former head of the CCP, for initiating the persecution of Falun Dafa. She was taken to a detention center.

After she was released, she had convulsions and epileptic seizures again. She was always firm in her belief in Master Li Hongzhi and Dafa during her tribulation. However, I was very distressed and under great mental pressure, but neglected to look inward, and improve myself.

I stayed with my mother in mid-January 2020. On the second day, my mother and another practitioner, Ann (alias), studied the Fa in the living room, while I was cleaning the bedroom. Suddenly my mother started having a seizure, so Ann quickly called me. 

My mother had collapsed on the sofa, with foam coming from her mouth, and her face was purple and blue as she struggled to breathe. Ann sent forth righteous thoughts, while I pressed on my mother's acupuncture points. After a while, she came around, and wasn't aware of anything that had just happened.

I was afraid of it happening again, and started looking after her every need and was always checking to see whether her eyes, complexion, and behavior were normal. I couldn’t concentrate when studying the Fa. I focused on her every move, and the deep fear made me restless. Only after she went to bed could I study the Fa calmly. My worry had become a huge attachment, and I knew that I should let it go, but I just couldn't. 

About 10 days later, a loud noise woke me up. My mother had collapsed on the floor while doing the sitting meditation. I immediately sent righteous thoughts to eliminated the old forces in other dimensions that were persecuting her. My heart was not stable and my body was trembling. I asked Master to strengthen my righteous thoughts. After a while, my mother came around and could focus again.

She suffered three seizures within one month. I was stressed out and couldn't breathe easily. I asked Master to help me, and tell me how I should help my mother. I read many articles about how to help practitioners experiencing tribulations on the Minghui website. I knew that they were articles that Master wanted me to read. 

Looking Inward

I started to look inward, and found that I had a strong affection for my mother. My father passed away a long time ago. I only had my mother, and feared that I might lose her too. So I took great care of her.

Master said:

“It is hard in that you knowingly lose your vested interests among everyday people. Amidst your critical self-interests, are you moved? Amidst interpersonal mindgames, are you moved? When your friends or family suffer, are you moved? How do you weigh them? This is how difficult it is to be a practitioner!” (Lecture Eight, Zhuan Falun)

I also held some resentment: I blamed my mother for not cultivating herself well, so the old forces could take advantage of her loopholes and persecute her. I didn't realize that I had fallen into the trap set by the old forces.

After noticing my attachment, I was determined to let it go. I started to do the exercises that night, and my mother did them with me. Whenever she looked like she was going to have a seizure I felt fear, but I immediately rejected it. I asked myself what would a god do in this situation? Would he be afraid?”

Of course not. Besides, there was Master, and everything was under Master’s control. Gradually, my heart stopped beating crazily, and I was able to calm down. I felt that the fear was a foreign substance, and did not belong to me.

When my mother had her fourth seizure in about a month, I regarded it as an illusion, and remained calm and peaceful. I took it as a good thing in cultivation, and tried my best not to be moved by it. I kept saying “Falun Dafa is good! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good!” to my mother until she came around.

I downloaded articles written by many practitioners and read them to my mother in order to strengthen her righteous thoughts and faith in Master and Dafa. Every time I read them, tears covered my face. I was amazed by the greatness of Master and the Fa.

Breaking Through with Righteous Thoughts

One night in mid-March 2020, my mother read a Minghui article on her phone. Suddenly, she put it down and looked like she was going to have a seizure. I was a little nervous. However, I immediately had righteous thoughts, and quickly said, “Mom, break through the barrier with righteous thoughts.”

I was about to think that she was going to fall again. But quickly realized that it was not a righteous thought. I decided to follow the natural course of it. She didn't fall down and nothing happened.

I sat by her side, held her hand, and asked if she could hear me. She answered in the affirmative. “Mom, you've succeeded in breaking through!” I said excitedly. “Master is by our side. We must follow Master. We have our mission.”

“What did you think of in the midst of your tribulation?” I asked. “I said to myself, I am Master Li Hongzhi's disciple,” she replied.

My mother was fine during the following months, but suffered the illusion of illness again in July 2020.

On the afternoon of July 13, she fell in a relative’s store when she went to visit them. The relatives were terrified, and wanted to take her to a hospital, but the ambulance and taxis didn’t want to take her in their vehicles. The relatives called me, and I told them, “You don't need to send her to the hospital. She can recover by herself.”

Master said:

“No matter what situation you may encounter or in what circumstances you may find yourself, you have to be like a Dafa disciple and you can't act impulsively. You need to have enough righteous thoughts.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2005 Manhattan International Fa Conference”)

When I arrived at the store, my mother was already sitting up. Our relatives wanted to hire a taxi to take us home. My mother and I insisted not to, and walked back.

My Fundamental Attachment

After I got home, a thought struck me: “It must have been interference by the old forces for my mother to have collapsed in the store. Our relatives knew that she practiced Falun Dafa, and the old forces wanted to interfere with Dafa practitioners validating the Fa and prevent sentient beings from being saved by persecuting my mother physically. At the same time, they tried to weaken my faith in Dafa and Master, and made negative thoughts appear in my mind. They took advantage of my loopholes. I stopped blaming my mother and looked inward to see what loopholes led to the incident. I knew that I must find them and remove them. I silently asked Master for help.

One morning, when I was doing the sitting meditation, my legs hurt so much that I couldn't help crying. I thought, “It’s so painful, why do I still practice cultivation? Why do I still stay with Dafa after so many years?”

I then felt a substance float up, that said, “In order to treat my mother's illness.” I was awakened instantly: this was my fundamental attachment. It had been hidden so deeply.

I began to recall how I was connected with Dafa. When I was little, a neighbor gave me a pink flier introducing Falun Dafa. I happily took it home and showed it to my father, saying, “This can cure my mother's illness.” Subconsciously, I thought that practicing Falun Dafa would make us secure, we would not die and would have a beautiful future.

Looking inward still further, I discovered that my belief in Master and the Fa had not been there for years. I had followed others, and not the Fa. For example, when some practitioners and my mother recovered from serious illnesses after practicing Falun Dafa, I was excited and also wanted to learn. As soon as my mother showed her sickness illusion, I had doubts about the practice. I didn’t really understand the Fa from the Fa.

I also discovered my selfishness and dependence on my mother. I didn’t have any income because I stayed at home during the pandemic. My expenses were paid with my mother's pension. I was afraid that without her, I couldn’t support myself. At that moment, I knew why I couldn’t suppress or eliminate my negative thoughts.

Master said:

“Cultivation is done unconditionally though, and things are gained naturally, with no pursuit.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York”)

“...when that happens it will be a real test for you, and will reveal whether you view it as a practitioner or as an ordinary person.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2019 New York Fa Conference” Team Yellow Translation)

After reading this, I felt that Master was talking to me. I said that I would let these incorrect thoughts go, but I was still attached to them. I didn't cultivate diligently. I felt embarrassed for still having so many attachments after having cultivated for so many years. I knew that I must let them go. 

My mother and I were doing the sitting meditation together on the morning of July 21, 2020. Excessive saliva started forming in her mouth, and she kept repeatedly swallowing it when we were about to finish the exercises. It was as if a seizure was coming. I called out: “I am Master Li Hongzhi’s disciple!”

I repeated it about three to four times while remaining calm, and my mind was empty. My mother sat there steadily without falling down. I got up and hugged her. Then, I thanked Master with tears in my eyes. 

Master said: 

“When disciples have ample righteous thoughtsMaster has the power to turn back the tide”(“The Master-Disciple Bond,” Hong Yin Volume II, Translation Version A)

I knelt in front of Master's portrait, and kowtowed, thanking Master for his compassionate protection. My mother and I passed another huge test. I realized that my mother’s long-term painful experience was because of me. I said to Master, “I know I was wrong, I will definitely correct myself.”

After finding my attachment, I felt relief and at ease. I shared my experience with other practitioners, and learned that those negative thoughts were not the real me, but human notions. Now, as soon as they appear I can distinguish them and get rid of them.

I had always felt that there had been a divider between me and the Fa when I studied the Fa. No matter how hard I tried, I felt that I was far away from the Fa. Now that the barrier was gone, I felt great.

One morning, while doing the second exercise, Falun Standing Stance, I thought that cultivating in Dafa was so wonderful, and I couldn’t help but feel joyful. However, I thought, “I am a Buddha.” I immediately asked myself if this was demonic interference from my own mind. 

As soon as this thought appeared, that substance fell down through the knee of my right leg, and was gone. It was so real that I could feel it. I immediately corrected my thoughts, and realized that cultivation is really serious.

I will no longer be as muddleheaded as before, wasting so much precious time. I will cultivate diligently, improve myself based on the Fa, and be a true Dafa practitioner. Master hasn’t given up on me, and always compassionately encourages me. I have no way to return Master's boundless benevolence. I can only live up to Master's compassion and salvation by practicing solidly.

Chinese version available

Category: Improving Oneself