Young Falun Dafa Practitioner: Returning to Cultivation
(Minghui.org) I only began to practice Falun Dafa in 2018. I tried to write down some of my experiences to share, but I didn’t know what to write. When reading practitioners’ sharing, I realized that although I didn’t study the Fa very diligently, when it came to validating and spreading Dafa, it’s every practitioner’s responsibility.
Feeling the Preciousness of Dafa
My mother was sick, and my father only cared about work and very little about the family. He was an ill-tempered person and enjoyed drinking in bars. After that, he came home drunk. Then he’d find fault with my mother. My mother was a straightforward person and wasn’t good at dealing with him, nor could she tolerate that. Thus, she was often in pain and ended up weeping and feeling wronged.
For quite a while, I’d been afraid of confronting my father for losing control over himself after being drunk, and also concerned about my mother who would leave home late at night after fighting with my father. As she kept saying, “Life is so bitter.” As to myself, I was sensitive, had low self-esteem. I also didn’t know how to get along with others, and my character was a bit odd.
My mother began Dafa cultivation in 1998. Then my family had gone through great transformations. In the past, the medications for my mother filled up quite a few drawers. She had a poor complexion and her face was full of dark spots. She also looked much older than her actual age.
After she began to cultivate, within a short period of time, her face was lit up, and her dark spots also disappeared. In the past, my father had followed the Guanyin sect and other Buddha schools, though he got up early in the morning to sincerely worship those Buddhas, he still carried out things in his own way. But when he noticed my mothers’ transformations, he also felt it was precious. Therefore, he began to read Zhuan Falun – the main teachings of Falun Dafa. He acknowledged those Fa principles that he came across. Gradually he began to practice as well. In my case, occasionally I followed my mother to do Fa-study and the exercises with her. In about a year or so, for the very first time, I felt peaceful and happy. I also came to truly feel that it’s so fortunate to encounter Dafa.
Seeing the changes in my mother, my grandmother also began with Dafa cultivation. She used to be very ill and it was hard for her to get up from the bed. Soon after she began to cultivate, she had no problem standing up to do the exercises. Her complexion has also changed for the better. All these changes made me clearly see the preciousness of Dafa.
Since July 20, 1999, when the persecution of Falun Dafa was launched, under high pressure from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), our relatives and friends have changed their attitudes from being supportive to being sarcastic to us and stayed away from our family. Their change gave my mother a lot of pressure. However, she had faith in Master Li Hongzhi and Dafa, so she worked diligently to validate Dafa. Sometimes when we found out that a large number of practitioners were arrested, which scared me, she still told me, “If someone did you a favor or gave you a hand, you felt grateful to him, but one day, suddenly he got terribly slandered but with no actual evidence to back that up. Shouldn’t I speak up for him? One has to have a conscience.”
My dad’s change was the most prominent. Overnight, he seemed to revert back to his old self. With that, our family environment became tense again. After he got drunk, he humiliated my mother. That time, I went to school in another city, where the environment was vicious. I had changed to be someone ill-tempered and full of complaints deep down. I knew that only Dafa could save me, yet it seemed there was a force out there pulling me away from Dafa.
Finding My True Self
I gave birth to my second child in 2018. During my pregnancy, I developed plasma cell mastitis. As I wasn’t supposed to take any medication during my pregnancy, I had to endure it.
After I had a C-section, I couldn’t pass gas. As a result, I didn’t have any food or water for a week but only relied on a nutrient solution to survive. The gas in my belly increased, which caused immense pain, and the doctor had to order a reflux tube to extract gas. With uterine contraction, incision, and chest pain, I felt like dying. Right after my pain from labor was gone, the pain from mastitis in my right chest became more serious. Even though the doctor ordered antibiotics for a seven-day dosage, it didn’t work.
My mother was very worried so she asked a few practitioners to encourage me. One of them happened to have the same illness as me. My mother said, “We have tried everything, you should begin with Dafa cultivation seriously this time.” I nodded my head while in tears. At night, because I was in pain and couldn’t fall asleep, my mother didn’t stop reading Hong Yin for the entire night. Only that night, I slept very well.
The next day, I began to listen to Master’s lecture recordings and do the exercises. My right chest began to bulge and pus came out. With that, my pain was alleviated, and I knew that Master was taking care of me. Therefore, I made up my mind to listen to the Fa and do the exercises every day.
Then, I faced interference from my husband. He hadn’t had a positive attitude towards Dafa. Because I stopped practicing for quite a while, I lacked an in-depth understanding of Dafa principles or knew very little about the facts of persecution. As a result, often enough, I didn't know what to say when he challenged me.
When seeing that I had started practicing, during the first month of my maternity leave, my husband constantly gave my parents and me a cold shoulder.
During my maternity leave, it was always my mother taking care of me and my children. Given that, my husband should have never treated her like that. Only because she practiced Dafa, my husband never treated her fairly. When seeing that, I felt very hurt and cried for several nights. I was someone who had a strong attachment to family, in particular, I hoped I had a stable and happy family. However, only when I ran into that tribulation, did I begin to realize that I had to let go of this sentimentality, or I could not continue to cultivate.
After the first month of my maternity leave, my mother and husband faced a few clashes. Most seriously, my husband yelled at my mom, because he thought she affected our lives for having me return to cultivation. I went from being angry and feeling wronged, to gradually calming down.
“There is another situation that is quite typical. In the course of cultivation, many of you will find that when you practice qigong your spouse will often become very unhappy. As soon as you begin the exercises, your spouse will throw a fit at you.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
“But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate you psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make you improve.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I let go of my sentimentality towards my husband this time. I firmed up my thought: No matter for whatever reason, nothing could shake my will in practicing Dafa. On the issue of cultivation, tolerance has principles.
After I let go of my attachment to his attitude he discussed with me some questions on Dafa with a positive attitude. All his questions had some misunderstandings towards Dafa as well as the ways fellow practitioners were clarifying the facts. Although he admired our persistence, he couldn’t acknowledge our behavior, as he didn’t see much of what we did. Through this chat, I also came to realize that if I didn’t hold myself against the Fa-principles, or improve myself, I not only couldn’t validate the Fa, moreover, I could have undermined Dafa. First of all, I needed to study more Fa to rectify myself.
When I began to read Dafa books again, I still had the issue of not absorbing the Fa. I felt I had a hard time improving my level, and seeing the deeper inner meaning of the Fa principles. I was often a bit confused, wondering if Master still took care of me. When I read:
“True cultivation depends fully upon the cultivation of your heart. As long as you can cultivate and can continue your cultivation solidly and steadfastly, we will treat you as disciples.” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
At the Minghui website, I came across a sharing article from a young practitioner. When her dad, a practitioner, was about to be persecuted to death by the old forces through the illusion of illness karma, she recited,
“A Great Enlightened One fears no hardshipHaving forged an adamantine willFree of attachment to living or dyingHe walks the path of Fa-rectificationconfident and poised” (“Righteous Thoughts and Righteous Actions,” Hong Yin II, translation version A)
Through constant Fa-study, I managed to locate many attachments, such as lust, show-off mentality, competitive mentality, jealousy, fear, attachment to self-interest and leisure, taking it for granted, and others. First off, I wanted to eliminate my attachment to leisure. I liked to sit around. When I would take care of a few household chores, I started complaining. Now I not only don’t complain, but I try to do as much as I can.
I stopped treating my husband and in-laws with resentment but rather tried to understand and accept them in everything they did. Sometimes when my husband didn’t speak very nicely, I only told him to calm down, otherwise, it wouldn’t have helped solve the problem. Gradually I noticed that he stopped showing his misunderstanding when I sent forth righteous thoughts. Moreover, when I read the Fa or did the exercises, he didn’t avoid seeing me, or tried to stop our child from saying to him, “Falun Dafa is wonderful! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is wonderful!”
At work, I tried to eliminate my competitive mentality and zealotry. Before I went on maternity leave for my second child, I was a key member of our group. I’ve worked for my company for quite some years. Because of my high-performance level, I received awards from work. After I came back from maternity leave, my old manager was replaced by a new person, and my work was also taken over by others.
“We therefore believe in following the course of nature. Sometimes, you think that something should be yours, and others also tell you that it is yours. Actually, it is not. You may believe that it is yours, but in the end it is not yours. Through this process, it can be seen whether you can give it up or not. If you cannot let it go, it is an attachment. This method must be used to get rid of your attachment to self-interest. This is the issue.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
I could let go of my attachment to self-interest, jealousy, and the competitive mentality. As a practitioner, I should not compete with regular people, but rather take the matter of self-interest lightly. At work, through a few xinxing tests, I could feel some of my bad substance eliminated. I stopped being agitated, but rather calmly confronted sudden blames and clashes. Though sometimes I couldn’t hold my temper. But afterward, I’d feel regret for not cultivating my speech. I’ve made up my mind to eliminate this attachment.
Through looking at my recent state, I came to realize that my attachment to lust was a substance. If one weren’t alert at all times, it would have magnified to the extent where it occupied one’s mind. After that, it’d bring about jealousy, resentment, attachment to leisure, and many other attachments one would become relaxed in one’s cultivation, and be totally ruined in the end.