My Thoughts after Reading “The Importance of Proper Behavior between the Sexes”
(Minghui.org) I would like to share my thoughts after reading the article, “The Importance of Proper Behavior between the Sexes” published on the Minghui website on August 4, 2020 (English translation published on September 7, 2020).
The Book of Etiquette and Ceremonies contains principles to guide interactions between men and women. However, people in today’s society, including Falun Dafa practitioners, don’t know much about the book, and the article's author only mentioned a small section. I think the entire contents of the book, which talks about proper behavior between men and women, would help restore traditional behavior.
In today’s China, where lust and desires go unchecked, many people, including some practitioners, have developed degenerate notions and unknowingly behave improperly.
I often see fellow practitioners behave inappropriately. Some male and female practitioners make casual comments about each other, get too close physically, make improper jokes, or analyze each other’s faults. Some female practitioners laugh at men’s attire or say things they shouldn’t, etc. The following are a few examples.
My brother is a veteran Falun Dafa practitioner. One day, a female practitioner went to see him. As she left she was wiping away tears. His wife, a non-practitioner, noticed it and asked my brother what happened. He candidly replied, “She told me that she had a miscarriage and asked what she should do.” The female practitioner was upset and asked my brother how to view the miscarriage from the perspective of Dafa's principles.
My sister-in-law angrily asked, “Why did she ask you about her miscarriage? Was the baby yours?” My brother repeatedly explained, but my sister-in-law thought the conversation was wrong and said, “When a woman tells a man about a miscarriage, who would believe it has nothing to do with him?” I tried to help my brother by explaining to my sister-in-law that cultivators exchange our understandings on issues from the perspective of Dafa's principles, but she didn’t believe me and shouted at my brother for days.
I reminded my brother to look inward for any attachments, and warned him that non-practitioners wouldn’t understand what practitioners talk about. On the other hand, I thought the female practitioner should have discussed it with another female practitioner. It wasn’t appropriate to discuss this topic with a man. Anyone, not just my sister-in-law, would ask why. It hurts the image of Dafa practitioners.
I experienced a similar incident. One day, a female practitioner phoned me and said, “I just had a baby...” I felt a little nervous and confused. My heart started pounding. I didn’t know why she told me this. Looking inward, I remembered that in the past we'd worked closely together. I might have had some lustful thoughts. When we need to speak with fellow practitioners of the opposite sex, we should not say anything improper or ask any improper questions. Both male and female practitioners should have strong righteous thoughts, and pay attention to etiquette.
A female practitioner visited our town. Her financial situation wasn't good, so a male practitioner who had a spare apartment said he didn’t mind letting her stay there for a couple of days. His wife happened to go to the apartment to get something and saw her there. She thought her husband had hidden a woman in the apartment, and demanded to know why she was there. This misunderstanding caused a big argument.
The male practitioner should have discussed the situation with his wife and asked her to handle it. If his wife didn’t agree with the arrangement, the man should have stopped there. Even if his wife hadn’t found out, he should have mentioned it to her.
A practitioner who visited another country told us that fellow practitioners overseas have certain rules: A male and female practitioner won’t ride in the same car alone if they aren’t husband and wife. If they need to talk to each other, another person must be present. I was surprised to hear this at first, because no one in China does this. Improper things happen so frequently that people no longer feel that they are wrong.
I agree with the author of the article when he wrote, “Although we live in different times, the traditions and rules passed down to humans by divine beings have not changed. Upright people with a strong sense of honor and shame in today's society pay a great deal of attention to traditional values, and keep a proper distance between men and women. Excess or improper personal contact violates the ethics handed to mankind by the divine beings and is bound to foment lust and improper emotions between men and women, eventually leading to deviant behaviors facilitated by the demon of lust.”
We all live and cultivate in the three realms, which are filled with lust and emotion. If we don’t pay attention, our minds can easily become polluted. This is dangerous. Even though the examples I mentioned above are rare, they have caused a negative impact on Dafa practitioners. As cultivators, we must stay alert to this issue.