Self-Centeredness Is an Attachment
(Minghui.org) While listening to Minghui experience sharing articles, I suddenly realized I had a longstanding, fundamental attachment that I had never noticed before - my attachment to self-centeredness.
As a child, I grew up in a farming village. But for as long as I can remember, I always had the mentality that I was extraordinary or superior to others. Whether it was playing with the other children or meeting relatives, I felt like I was always the center of their attention. When I was in primary school, my strict mother did not allow me to arrive at school earlier than necessary. As such, my friends would come to my home and wait for me before setting off to school together. In the summer, when everyone was resting in the courtyard to escape the heat, the adults would pick me to lead the other children in a game. Whenever the village children organized mud fights, if I didn’t want to play anymore, the other children would also lose interest and disperse.
At school, I was adored by my teachers, even when my grades were poor. When I began working, I was a favorite with my boss. Moreover, when I was pregnant, I snatched away a newspaper that my husband was giving to my mother. I felt that I was the one who deserved more care and attention, as I was pregnant. Moreover, I sometimes began pouting when I did not receive attention from my mother. These are just some examples of my self-centeredness. I took things for granted, and even normalized my behavior. As such, I had been oblivious to this attachment.
After becoming a Dafa practitioner, I realized that this behavior was wrong, and recalling it would make me go red with shame. In my activities, I strictly followed Master Li’s requirements of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, but I was never truly aware of my deep-seated, selfish mentality. I did not cultivate myself in getting rid of this attachment, much less eliminate it completely.
When I was persecuted in a forced labor camp, I met a young practitioner who was about to be released from detention. She told me that, in her view, when you are able to make the group revolve around you, it is a sign that you are doing well. At the time, I myself had deficiencies in my cultivation, which resulted in me being kidnapped and brought to the forced labor camp. As such, I failed to realize the error in her understanding, and even thought she was right. Looking back now, isn’t her viewpoint a classic example of self-centeredness? Moreover, while I was still in the camp, this young practitioner was kidnapped again and brought back to the forced labor camp. Perhaps this resulted from the old forces exploiting her attachment to validating herself.
Some practitioners shared that when playing with other children during their childhood, they never felt involved in the games and always felt like a bystander. I felt the same way as well. While interacting with other practitioners, I thought of myself as extraordinary, that I had never been lost in the illusion of the human realm and had been waiting for the Fa. I even felt that Master was paying special attention to me.
But according to the Fa,
“You might think, for example, that you’re the only one whose eye has opened well at your practice site, which makes you think you’re special and that you have learned my Falun Dafa really well or even better than others—meaning you are ahead of them. But even just thinking that way isn’t right.” (The Sixth Talk, Zhuan Falun).
Isn’t this the beginning of one’s mind leading one astray? Now I shudder and break into a cold sweat when I recall those thoughts I had.
Today is the first time I have finally clearly understood this attachment. In the past, whenever I ran into problems, I only superficially rejected my attachment to self. In fact, my true attachment to self is this normalized, hidden attachment to self-centeredness.
Only by getting rid of this selfish attachment can I study the Fa well, send righteous thoughts and wholeheartedly introduce others to Falun Dafa. I must truly validate the Fa, instead of validating myself.