China Fahui | Casting Off Fear in the Dark Den
(Minghui.org) I used to be a coward. I also suffered from many illnesses and could not express myself well. I then started to practice Falun Gong in 1996, which taught me the true purpose of life.
After the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) launched the persecution of Falun Gong, I did not hesitate to tell people the facts about the practice.
I was arrested and sentenced to 13 years in prison in 2003. People who knew me said that I would suffer and eventually die in prison. The prison guards tortured me, blocked information from and to the outside, and did not allow my family to contact me. People in my hometown thought I was dead, and the police station had canceled my household registration number.
I lived, however, and was released. I soon began to talk to people about Falun Gong. People said that I had changed. It was Teacher who protected me and it was Falun Gong that changed me.
Letting Go of the Fear Factor
I was incarcerated in Heilongjiang Women’s Prison No. 8 Ward, which was infamous for torturing Falun Gong practitioners. Practitioners were beaten and hung up if they refused to perform forced labor.
After witnessing the cruelty against practitioners, I held great fear. Therefore, I just did any work the prison guards assigned. I did not understand why fellow practitioners refused to work.
The prison guards came to our workshop with several anti-riot police officers. They dragged several fellow practitioners who refused to do forced labor to small cells. One practitioner stood up to stop them, but was beaten and also dragged to a small cell. When more practitioners stood up for their fellow practitioners, the inmates beat them.
I stopped work and stood up to watch. Fellow practitioners' righteous thoughts and actions moved my heart and awakened me. I realized I was wrong to do forced labor!
“No matter what the situation, do not cooperate with the evil’s demands, orders, or what it instigates. If everyone does this the environment won’t be this way.” (“Dafa Disciples’ Righteous Thoughts are Powerful” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Fellow practitioners were opposing the forced labor, but I was working, which was putting more pressure on them and meant that I was cooperating with the evil. I had a responsibility when fellow practitioners were persecuted.
How could I understand that I should not cooperate? It was fear, which caused me to lose righteousness. If I continued to let fear control me, I would soon fall and change from good to evil.
“And any attachment of fear is itself a barrier that prevents you from reaching Consummation, and is also a factor in your being ‘reformed’ toward the evil side and in your betrayal.” (“Dafa is Indestructible” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Recalling a practitioner’s mission, I told myself that I must remove the deeply held fear.
The anti-riot police came to the workshop again. Prison guards asked practitioners to come to their office one at a time. They shocked the practitioners with electric batons in an effort to make them work. I was the last one to be called in.
One policeman held an electric baton and asked me if I would work, yet I refused. He then showed me an electric baton and wanted to know if I understood what it was for. I showed him that I was unmoved by his threat.
He asked me for a second time if I would work or not. Instead, I told him “no” and asked him to release those practitioners being held in the small cells.
He insinuated that he was going to shock me with the electric baton. He asked me one more time if I would work. Once again, I firmly refused. He stopped his action, thought for a while, and told me to leave.
My personality was very timid before, and even if my hand had a small thorn, I dared not pull it out myself. That day, I calmly faced an electric baton because Falun Gong granted me righteous thoughts, and Master had removed my fear.
“Indestructible righteous faith in the cosmos’s Truth forms benevolent Dafa disciples’ rock-solid, Diamond-Like Bodies, it frightens all evil, and the light of Truth it emanates makes the unrighteous elements in all beings’ thoughts disintegrate. However strong the righteous thoughts are, that’s how great the power is.” (“Also in a Few Words” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Fellow practitioners felt encouraged. They stated too that they would not work. We then went on a hunger strike and demanded the release of practitioners held in small cells. Soon they were released, and the prison authorities agreed that practitioners did not have to work.
Brainwashings and Beatings
The prison guards decided to brainwash us instead. When they read the brainwashing materials, we recited the Fa and sent righteous thoughts instead. The guards ordered us to sit on small benches, but we refused.
One morning, the captain of the guards showed up with inmates holding wooden rods. Each practitioner was dragged into the hallway and beaten.
I was terrified that my turn would come next. I kept dodging and wanted to hide. One practitioner was beaten and passed out. I went to take care of her. I was not beaten and felt lucky. Some practitioners displayed no fear and refused to sit on the small benches despite the beatings.
They beat us throughout the entire morning, but no one surrendered. Most practitioners displayed fearlessness, so the inmates gave up and left.
I burst into tears and blamed myself from deep down inside. When my fellow practitioners asked why I was crying, I told them my selfish and cowardly thoughts. I could not tolerate my bad thoughts and felt unworthy of being called a practitioner.
“Practitioners are Amazing”
I cried the rest of the day. I made up my mind that I would let go of my fear and walk well on my cultivation path. I realized that seeking comfort amid fear made me slack off. I needed to do the exercises and send righteous thoughts to purify myself.
I did the exercises and sent righteous thoughts from then on with more discipline. Consequently I was beaten, tied up, hung up, or held in a small cell. The captain and the inmates dragged me into a room in the hospital. Five inmates were chosen to monitor me. A team of “hit-women” formed by a dozen inmates beat me daily and claimed that they were there to help me put on the prison uniform.
While I was sending righteous thoughts one moring,they slapped me, stepped on my feet, and kicked my chest until my ribs were broken. I endured the pain and sent righteous thoughts. They beat me for two or three hours, and I was injured yet unmoved. Still, they were short of breath and covered with sweat.
I was 60 years old at that time. I was emaciated as I had gone on hunger strikes for seven years.
They finally said, “Falun Gong practitioners are amazing! Do the exercises and we will leave you alone.” The warden came, as did the captain. The inmates told them that they could not control me. The warden had no choice and left. The captain told them to let me do the exercises.
Guards and Inmates Change
They tortured me, but I continued to shout because I knew that reciting Lunyu would eliminate the evil quickly. Soon they indeed stopped hitting me.
When I shouted, my voice could be heard all over the prison. Certain inmates would sometimes repeat the sentences. Some would also shout “Falun Dafa is good” when they were abused.
The most horrible time of the day was in the evenings, when the prison guards came to check each inmate. I thought that shouting “Falun Dafa is good” at that time would greatly reduce the evil. Of course, I was beaten more severely. Yet the more severely they beat me, the more I shouted. My voice traveled far at night. They then left me alone.
A guard one evening came and said, “Falun Dafa is good!” Everybody laughed. From then on, some guards would say “Falun Dafa is good” whenever they saw me.
Many of the inmates quit the Chinese Communist Party and its affiliated organizations and some began to study the Fa.