(Minghui.org) My mother-in-law used to bully me frequently. I often cried in secret and complained against heaven and earth. Whenever I thought about how I suffered, the anger rose in my heart and stayed there for a long time. Understanding one's karmic relationships is not easy to achieve, but after I began practicing Falun Dafa, I was able to let go of hatred.
Du Juan left behind hatred and started a new life after practicing Falun Dafa
The Dreaded Hour - 1:00 p.m.
Every day when the clock struck 1:00 p.m., my heart tightened. I heard the noise of the iron door opening from outside, and an angry feeling arose from my lower abdomen and rushed towards my heart. It blocked my heart and agonized me. My mother-in-law went out every morning to set up a booth and sell vegetables. The only period that I could enjoy peace was when she was out. My tribulations began when she came back home.
When I was newly married and moved in with my husband's family, my mother-in-law told me that I should cook three meals every day for the entire family, and that I should serve my mother-in-law, youngest sister-in-law, and youngest brother-in-law. I did everything she asked and served the entire family. But no matter what I did, I could never please her. One day, my husband's cousin's wife came to visit us. Upon hearing her calling at the door, my mother-in-law immediately rushed into the kitchen. I was washing dishes, but she pushed me aside and started washing them herself. When our visitor entered the kitchen, she told her, “Look, I have this daughter-in-law. I'm the one who cook meals, yet I'm also the one who cleans the dishes. She doesn't do anything!” My husband's cousin's wife answered, “Third auntie, you should ask her to do it!” I was astonished and could not say a word.
When I later became pregnant, I vomited frequently and could barely take any food. I felt weak all over. I was in great discomfort and unable to do the housework. However, my mother-in-law still shouted at me, “You think you're the only one who ever had a baby! Stop pretending. Go cook!” I often heard people stressing the importance of prenatal influence. My experience confirmed it. My child had no sense of security. From birth, she needed my attention around the clock. She would not let me out of her sight for even a moment. I blamed myself and wondered how I could give my child such an environment.
I often thought about why my mother-in-law always treated me like that, and how I should really behave. I had to endure her verbal abuse every day. She mocked me, cursed me, and directed her anger towards me. It was so much mental anguish. It was really not a life that anyone should live. However, I never forgot about how a daughter-in-law should conduct herself. I also believed in gods and that they would redress grievances for good people. Yet, my self-respect was strong, and all my forbearance was superficial. Day after day, I thought about how I could get out of this environment. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I felt like I was trapped in a city of hatred. That hatred was accumulating every day and it had become too dense to dissolve.
Exploring Life
My mother-in-law burned incense and worshipped Buddhas, but she treated me so badly. I resisted her from the bottom of my heart and I even refused to hold the same faith. However, I suffered in my heart and I needed a spiritual outlet. I became a Christian by chance. With this faith and spiritual support I gradually walked steadily in my life.
But I had many questions about Christianity for which I could not get reasonable answers. For example, it was said in the Bible's poems that Jehovah was the lord of Hebrews, but it did not say that Jehovah was the lord of all mankind. This puzzled me. In addition, nowhere in the Bible did it mention the Lord taking care of Asian people. I had doubts and no one had a convincing answer.
Looking up to the sky, I wondered, “Is it really true that Adam and Eve are the ancestors of all mankind?” Of course, I also had many other unanswered questions. I finally chose to leave Christianity, and went to China to study Chinese Medicine.
My mother started running a Chinese medicine store when she was middle aged. I helped her fill prescriptions when I was free. I became was very interested in traditional Chinese medicine. I had an opportunity in 1989 to go to the mainland to study Chinese Medicine. Although I was already 37 years old, I braved my journey to study. I traveled to and from China for ten years and I graduated with a master's degree in 1999.
After many difficulties and postponements, I got my license to run a Chinese medicine store. I'm currently running one, just like my mother. Although it was a tough journey from pursuing study to running a store, this experience further matured my mind and built up my confidence. It also created an opportunity for me to obtain Dafa. It was the most precious turning-point in my life.
Obtaining Dafa with Fortune
Ms. Wang often came to my store to buy medicine. She brought a book that she really wanted me to read. The title of the book was Zhuan Falun. I was embarrassed to decline, so I accepted it. I thought it must be another book from some religious sect. I put it on a table and never opened it. But Ms. Wang was very persistent. She called me every few days and asked me whether I had read the book. I always told her, “I didn't have time to read it!” This situation continued for six months.
One day, I suddenly remembered that when I was spreading Christianity, I hoped so much that the people who got material from me would read it. Considering the date, I figured that Ms. Wang would be calling me soon. So I picked up the book to read, so I would have something to say to Ms. Wang. I intended to first find out what the book was about, and see whether I could find anything I could use as an excuse to decline her. However, once I started reading it, I was astounded. The content of the book was very different. It touched my heart so deeply and answered many questions that had previously gone unanswered. This time, I called Ms. Wang instead of vice versa. I asked her, “What kind of person is teacher Li Hongzhi? How was he able to write such a book?” Ms. Wang asked me, “How many times have you read Zhuan Falun ?” I said that I just started reading and was on chapter seven. She said, “How could that be possible? I wasn't able to comprehend the book until I had read it five or six times. How can you know it is a special book before you even finish reading it once?”
Emerging from Hatred
Falun Dafa turned my life around. My hatred towards my mother-in-law changed into gratitude. That was my biggest change.
To achieve that was not at all easy. How did I make it? The power of Dafa opened my wisdom. Teacher Li Hongzhi said,
“If you cannot love your enemy, then you cannot reach Consummation.” ("Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference in Australia")
I felt grieved when I read this. I wouldn't call my mother-in-law my enemy, yet I could not love her. How would I be able to love my enemy?
But Master had told us so. What should I do? I studied the Fa diligently and hoped that the Fa principles would help me understand what I should do. I finally found it. The answer was among the principles that Master taught us: looking within.
I began trying to understand my mother-in-law. She was the youngest child in her family. Her father was very ill when she was born. In order to concentrate on taking care of her father, her mother had to send her to my father-in-law's family as a child bride. She had to farm in the field, while my father-in-law went out to pursue his studies and then work. He did not come home for many years. He met many women outside and not surprisingly he disfavored my mother-in-law, who had never gone to school. However, his family needed to keep this child bride to help with the farming. I heard that my father-in-law's father took a carrying-pole and escorted my father-in-law into the bridal chamber. After marriage, my father-in-law went out to work again. He soon had affairs, and my mother-in-law was thus deserted. My mother-in-law later took her children with her and found her husband. However, she had to share her husband and home with another woman. The two women lived under the same roof, reluctantly, and they fought. My father-in-law asked my mother-in-law to move out. He promised to give her money for living expenses, but the promise was not kept. My mother-in-law had to raise her children alone.
My youngest sister-in-law's husband told me that my mother-in-law had been hospitalized, and he hoped that I would visit her. I visited her in the hospital with my child. Seeing her lying in a sickbed, I found that I no longer hated her. I held her hand and thought about her pitiful life. A person who has never been loved could not love others. One who has never been treated kindly does not know how to treat others kindly. I understood that her mind was filled with bad thoughts, and could emit only bad substances. I forgave her, and I was also relieved.
If I had not practiced Falun Dafa, I would still be immersed in hatred. I almost became like my mother-in-law, who was mentally pathological. My emotions directed my mind and I was in great agony. I wrote about my experience in such detail because that was how I eliminated hatred, with the wisdom I achieved from Dafa and through analyzing and understanding things. I applied the same to everyone around me, and tried to understand others' words and actions. I developed tolerance through understanding. I deeply realized that “cultivation of speech” (Zhuan Falun) is an important virtue. All kindness towards other people will ultimately come back to oneself. Master asks us to put others' interests before our own. Indeed, we are always the ones who truly benefit.
Dafa Opens Wisdom
After I studied Falun Dafa I could finally have sympathy for, and understand my mother-in-law. She is the one with grave psychological trauma. In the past, she cursed her children all the time. After her son married, she bullied me non-stop in order to release her pressure and hatred. One who hasn't experienced this could hardly imagine how it feels. But why me? Why did I encounter such a thing? After I began practicing Falun Dafa, I was finally able to walk away from mental suffering, and I learned that everything has a cause and effect. I started sympathizing with my mother-in-law. She went through a lot of tribulations. Yet her not cultivating her speech helped me eliminate much karma. It was also her abuse that built up my extraordinary perseverance, which enabled me to be more courageous in the face of tribulations, and finally master a speciality and complete my medical education. After I began practicing Falun Dafa, my wisdom developed constantly. It went beyond what I used to know and understand, including knowledge in the field of my speciality. It inspired me to go beyond what's included in the medical books, what professors taught, and what I learned clinically.
I firmly believe that Falun Dafa can bring a wonderful world for people in the future. But people must deserve the blessing and understand to choose the right thing to do. Good conduct must begin with oneself instead of waiting for others to change. Becoming good oneself is most important.
Category: Improving Oneself
