(Clearwisdom.net) When I first began practicing Falun Dafa, I only knew that I was going to practice cultivation. Once I thought to myself that it would be very good if I could achieve the level of Bodhisattva. But then I thought to myself, “How great a Bodhisattva is. An ordinary person cannot daydream like that—it is disrespectful.” When I studied the article 'Digging Out the Root' in Essentials for Advancement, Master said, “Let me tell everyone: This Fa is inconceivably enormous, and you will never completely know or understand its laws and principles.” I thought to myself with pride that if I studied the Fa well, I would surely be able to understand everything. Thinking about it now I realize that I was really ignorant. Now I understand that if Master spoke one word less, I would not be able to know everything, and if Master spoke one word more, I could not imagine how many universes he would have described to us!
As I studied the Fa every day, did the exercises, and exchanged cultivation experiences with everyone, my xinxing improved very quickly. It was really like Master said, that I could feel I was getting larger and larger. I did not have any feelings of discomfort anywhere in my body. I felt light when I walked and I was like a young girl. During two-day weekends, I was busy with fellow practitioners promoting Dafa. I genuinely felt I was not “ordinary” and I was proud and felt fortunate.
After studying the Fa, I began to realize I had very strong attachments of ambition and vanity. I am a teacher. Before obtaining the Fa, every year I thought that the “advanced teacher” and “outstanding teacher” titles should belong to me, that I should be the teacher ranked first. In each activity, I was always at the top of the list. If I was not listed at the top of any of the activities, I would feel sad. My life was tiring, both physically and mentally, and my students got tired with me. I remember when I was preparing to participate in the municipal “Outstanding Teachers” contest. It began at the school level, then township, then district, and finally municipal. I had to teach the class before the public many times. Sometimes it was in our own school, sometimes we had to go to somewhere outside our school. Finally I was awarded the title “New Star in the Education System.” Not only did fighting for fame tire me out, but think of how tired my students were when they tried to cope with me and had to accompany me on all those activities. Thinking about that now, I feel really sorry for them.
Before I began practicing Dafa, I always felt depressed and did not know what to do. I would cry even over minor events. Sometimes I wanted to cry if I felt unwell; I even wanted to cry out loud. After I obtained the Fa, I quickly stopped having such feelings. By studying the Fa, at first I realized that our life is like a dream. Everything is unique and everything has its definite fate. It would be a waste of time and effort to try too hard to achieve something. At present I understand that the historical drama is in China. Our Dafa disciples are the main characters in this drama. Assisting our Master in Fa validation is our mission. Returning to our genuine self and cultivating ourselves to reach consummation and following Master to our original place is our original wish.
Before I obtained the Fa, I felt that I was “smarter and more capable” than others, especially my husband. I often laughed at him for working over a dozen years without getting any outstanding title at his job. Whatever anyone said, I was able to understand it at different levels. When I encountered a problem, I could immediately think of several ways to solve it. I was really angry when I saw him listening to others talking for a while and he still did not know how to respond, or it would take him a long time to find a way to solve a problem--especially when he would not try to think of a way to help me get what I wanted. After obtaining the Fa, I understood that I had become deeply involved in my attachments. I would show off those attachments. I pretended to be very smart and that I understood everything. I was such a fool! If Dafa had not saved me, I do not know how bad a person I would have become.
Bathed in the light of the Fa
After practicing Falun Gong, I did my best to do my work well. I diligently prepared each lesson and taught each class well. I genuinely cared about each student. Although I had been a model teacher before, I was now selected by students as “my favorite teacher.” For four consecutive years, I received an outstanding teacher award and I had two professional papers published in the provincial journals. But those titles and publications were not the result of my fighting for them. It was because I followed Master's teachings of Truth-Compassion-Forbearance to be a good person and even a better person. When encountering conflicts, I would first look inward to see whether I did something wrong, whether I had hurt others or whether others could endure it. I understood the principle of gain and loss.
At home, when dealing with my friends and relatives, I began to notice their good qualities. At that time, I did not have feelings of superiority. On the contrary, I felt selfish and wondered why I had so many unworthy thoughts. I wondered when I would be able to get rid of so many attachments. Therefore, whenever I had spare time, I would study the Fa or visit my fellow practitioners and communicate with them and share our cultivation experiences. Doing things such as dancing, singing songs, playing mahjong, or window shopping did not bring me pleasure anymore. I would feel pity when I saw others wasting their time. I thought to myself that it would be so nice if they could also obtain the Fa and live with a clear mind. Recalling that period, I felt it was a time filled with happiness. I lived a life of fulfillment and I was clear and bright in my mind.
I gradually became mature in dealing with the persecution.
When the CCP first began the persecution in 1999, because I did not know how to deal with it, I used a human mindset to protest. While studying the Fa, I tried to deal with the interference. But my firm belief in Dafa has never wavered.
When I gradually learned that I should step forward to protect and stand up for Dafa, I went to Beijing with other practitioners. On Tiananmen Square, I opened a banner and shouted from the bottom of my heart, “Falun Dafa is good!” “Restore Master Li's good name!” It was really a moment that shook heaven and earth! We did not cooperate when the police called our numbers (since they did not know our names, they gave each of us a number). Over 50 practitioners from all over sat on the ground joining hands and legs. They could not drag one of us away. That frightened the authorities.
I was sent to a detention center for one year, a “smoking cessation center” for one year, and a forced labor camp for one year. It was really very hard to survive each day. (In the forced labor camp, 50-60 of us were released to use the restroom at the same time. Time was limited and there were only a few pits to use. Two to three women squatted in a less than one-meter-long, ten-centimeter-wide rectangular pit. They had to make sure not to exceed the time limit or they would miss the time for assembly.) Several of us practitioners protested with a hunger strike. We did not cooperate with their orders, but the police separated us. Then we did hard labor, such as polishing stones, combining beads, digging dirt, planting trees, trimming trees, digging up big trees, and other farm work. I had never done such physical labor and had never sweat so much before. The intensity of the work was three to four times what a normal worker could handle. If we did not finish our tasks, those in charge would beat us or otherwise punish us. Helpless endurance left some unspeakable stains on my cultivation. But that experience allowed me to see the true face of the evil and the true nature of the CCP. I became more determined to follow Master and to look forward to the beauty of Dafa. I knew what I should do in the future, so that I would be worthy of the title of “Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple.”
After getting out of the labor camp, fellow practitioners and I began to learn computer skills. We began to make some truth-clarification materials, and distribute them. I also clarified the truth about the goodness of Dafa and the persecution of Dafa to my relatives and friends. I set up a Fa study group in my home. I silently did all those things, but all the time I had the attachments of being afraid and looking for comfort.
In the summer of 2006, the evil forces once again interfered with me and I was forced to become homeless. At first I hid in a relative's home. She was a matron before but was now retired. She was not healthy and had difficulty walking and breathing. She had a lot of money in her bank account, but she would not spend any of it. Her husband had been an intellectual, a well-known person. Looking at the two boxes of medals and honors he left, his family felt sad. During that time, I deeply understood what Master said, “Though you have money, are you able to spend it?” (Zhuan Falun) Human beings plunge into this human world and then become deeply involved and busy with money, children, social titles, etc. and do not want to give up any of them. But what is the end result? None of those human things are born with us, nor will we be able to take them with us when we die. These facts deeply touched me. I, who once was very attached to fame, suddenly understood. Fame, money, and worldly things stopped having any attraction for me anymore.
A month later I left my relative's home. After many difficulties, I found a job doing cleaning. For quite some time, I thought it was not a bad thing to endure some hardships. Dirtiness and tiredness were good for me to get rid of the attachment of being afraid of dirtiness or tiredness or enduring some hardships. Cold and hot were also good for me to get rid of my attachment of looking for comfort. I endured all that. Five months went by. I seldom had time to meet other fellow practitioners nor did I have time to do the exercises. One day I suddenly felt that I had jumped into an invisible dark den from a visible black hole and I had not run away from the control of the old forces. I suddenly felt the old forces were so ridiculous. I am a teacher. Yet they would force a teacher to do physical labor that was totally incompatible with her physical strength and capability, claiming she was being “tested.” That was arranged by the old forces. I denied it! I am a Dafa disciple. I have a mission to carry out, and I will follow the road arranged by my Master. The evil does not deserve to test us! Master does not recognize those things and I should not endure what they want. I will only listen to Master's arrangement and will only accept Master's arrangement. From that moment, I was able to get together with other practitioners.
Walking on the road arranged by our Master
I began to post advertisements and tutored private students, resolving the problem of an income. I began to have enough time to do the three things. Now I do not need to post any advertisements. People refer students to me. My income has increased and is even higher than my previous salary. Moreover I have the flexibility to arrange my own time. I had some difficult problems that I did not know how to solve before. Now I do not have any difficulties, and I know how to solve all of those difficult problems. Dafa enlightened my wisdom. Normally I do not need to prepare my lessons. When I have difficulties in a class, I am able to solve them quickly. At first I lived in one, small rented room, then two rented rooms. Now I rent an entire building. It was just like Master once said, “Whatever you experience during your cultivation--whether good or bad--is good, for it comes about only because you are cultivating." (“To the Chicago Fa Conference”)
I had some obstacles in clarifying the truth face-to-face. With the help and cooperation of fellow practitioners I prepared some informational materials. I know that I am a Dafa particle. Clarifying the truth and saving sentient beings is among my responsibilities. Fellow practitioners are a whole body and need to cooperate with each other. When fellow practitioners need me to do something in truth-clarification, I will do it. Previously I only did some simple jobs, such as making copies, printing, and binding. Now I can prepare many types of materials. I also deliver them to other practitioners on time, regardless of the weather. I know it is my mission.
Each day I spend my time in Fa study, sending forth righteous thoughts, preparing truth-clarification materials, and teaching classes. I take materials with me when I go out. Usually I rarely think of anything. I am not at all anxious to be alone. But I know I worry about not being able to clarify the truth when I see people. I also worry that I will not be able to save anyone.
Master has arranged everything for us. In our small cultivation body in my area, there are seniors, the middle aged, and youths. The young practitioners are able to learn new things very quickly and they master technology comprehensively. Buying materials, teaching new techniques, editing, and designing all can be done by one person. Elderly practitioners spend long hours doing Dafa jobs without taking a break. Some of them eat only steamed buns for their meals. They are very detail oriented. The materials they prepare are very tidy and polished. A few years ago, practitioners A and B cooperated with each other to distribute materials. Now they work on face-to-face truth clarification, distributing Shen Yun DVDs. Each week, hundreds of people are withdrawing from the CCP and its affiliated organizations. The difference in our ages gives us the chance to work with each other and fully use each person's strength. Whatever we need, we will be able to provide it. Whatever we need to do, we are able to do it.
I can feel Master by my side all the time. I can feel Master's enlightenment. For instance, when I printed a page incorrectly and did not know it, I would turn to that page when I was leafing through them. When I tried to look very carefully to see whether any pages were printed incorrectly, everything looked fine. Sometimes when I went somewhere to distribute truth-clarification materials, I noticed that the gate was locked. As long as I thought to myself, “Master, please help me,” someone would come and open it for me. I truly feel thankful to our Master! It is Master who is saving people. All we do is to move our hands and feet. Master always protects and cares for us.
I cannot fully express how benevolent our Master is. I cannot express how much I miss our Master! All I can say is that I will cultivate diligently and that I do not want to leave any regrets for myself in the future.
