(Clearwisdom.net) I previously thought that I practiced cultivation well. However, something recently occurred that changed my mind and helped me to improve.
Practitioner A was responsible for my insight. Practitioner A was very careful and sensitive. It was often the case that a careless word irritated him. After having been hurt by fellow practitioners, over time he became less willing to be in contact with fellow practitioners. My mother and I really wanted to help him and persuaded him quite a few times. However, Practitioner A just couldn’t be criticized. My mother's and my compassion were not enough, and we experienced several conflicts.
We sought help from Practitioner B, someone Practitioner A could more easily accept. We discussed how to encourage Practitioner A to easily accept our suggestions, instead of developing a negative mentality. Afterwards, we went to Practitioner A’s home. Practitioner B asked, “Why don't you make contact with fellow practitioners?” Practitioner A said, “You should go and ask them, let them look within to find out why I don’t like to see them. Of course, I also have problems. However, …” He mentioned a lot of complaints about fellow practitioners, which made my mom and me very angry and we quarrelled with him. As a result, we left in discord.
I could feel the barriers between us, and I was very sad about it, but I still didn’t know how to resolve it.
I couldn’t fall asleep that evening, so I read a compilation of experience sharing articles, “Get Rid of Human Attachments,” that I had stored in my phone. Tears came to my eyes. These sharing articles touched my heart, making me look within at my behavior. I sat up to study the Fa. When it was nearly 4 a.m., I started to do the exercises. My mom woke up, too, so we did the exercises together. After that, we sat together and I shared my understanding with her.
I said, “You asked that day whether we pushed our opinions upon Practitioner A. I looked within and discovered that, yes, we did. Actually, forcing one's opinion on others is one way of trying to get them to change. However, it doesn’t mean that you can push your opinions on others just because your opinions are right. We did it the wrong way, so Practitioner A wouldn’t accept it. Then it becomes meaningless regardless of the problems we are pointing out.” She agreed with me. Then I continued to look within. What on earth made us complain so much about Practitioner A and be angry with him? It was because Practitioner A hurt other practitioners. My mom and I considered fellow practitioners as our relatives. Seeing relatives being hurt, we of course felt angry.
Having looked within to this point, my thoughts became much clearer. It made me think of Practitioner C. When she was illegally detained and practitioners there were suffering from abuse, she was sure to defend them against injustice, even by using ordinary methods. At that time, I felt Practitioner C was attached to sentimentality. However, I didn’t look within. It was not until that moment that I discovered that I also had this attachment.
Master said,
“I’ve often said that when two people have friction between each other, each one should examine him or herself. Not only should the two people with the friction examine themselves, but also the bystanders who happen to observe the incident should. That’s when you’ll really improve by leaps and bounds.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Singapore”)
After I found the reason, I felt clear. I said to my mom, “In the past when we were angry with Practitioner A, we all said we needed to look within. However, we were just talking about it. We still thought Practitioner A was unreasonable and full of complaints about other practitioners. We wondered why he didn’t take our advice. Now it seems that we should have ask ourselves this question.”
The following evening, we continued to look within. I shared with my mom that when someone bullied honest people in my company, I often got very angry. My heart for defending somebody against injustice was not limited to practitioners.
Master said,
“...since they could not see the karmic relationship of affairs, that is, whether those matters were good or bad, or what karmic relationships existed. An ordinary practitioner who has not reached such a high level cannot see these things, so he will worry that though something appears to be good on the surface, it could be a bad thing once it is done.” (Lecture Eight in Zhuan Falun)
My mother is similar to me in this regard, therefore, she never recognized that I was wrong to behave that way. This problem was hidden pretty deeply, because if I was bullied, I used Dafa to guide my behavior and not hit back. However, when others were bullied, I thought it was not wrong to defend them against injustice since it was not selfish on my part. Gradually I developed this imperceptible “heroism.” When encountering a problem, I unconsciously used ordinary people’s methods to deal with them, which made practitioners feel combative and angry rather than compassionate. It would definitely cause barriers among practitioners.
While looking within, I realized that I was deeply attached to sentimentality. My mother said, “Not even one person said that I was very kind. I felt sad about that, wondering why being kind is not good. Now I understand that I confused human kindness with Buddha’s compassion.” I remembered Master’s teaching,
“If you are free from this sentimentality, nobody can affect you. An everyday person’s mind will be unable to sway you. What takes over in its place is benevolence, which is something more noble.” (Lecture Four in Zhuan Falun)
I said, “No wonder I couldn’t develop compassion. It turns out that I was blocked by such deep sentimentality. Every day I was affected by ordinary things. I forgot that what the knowing side of ordinary people really wanted was to be saved, rather than pitied.”
My mom and I talked about this until midnight. It was time to send forth righteous thoughts. My mind immediately calmed down. Because I am a very active person, my mind was never this quiet. I knew that I had discovered my root attachment and was upgraded. It was the first time I experienced the wonderful feeling of “The heavens clear, the cosmic body transparent.” ("After the Catastrophe" in Hong Yin)
In looking back, I found that I took such a long time going round and round on my cultivation path without uncovering my sentimentality. During this period, I also studied the Fa. Why didn't I upgrade my understanding? Some practitioners recited the Fa very well, but they might have felt it difficult to upgrade as well. Master asked us to look within. Have we truly done it?
Looking within is a magic tool to upgrade oneself while practicing cultivation, and it is the basis from which to solve problems as well. Many problems actually are just issues on the surface, and they don’t matter at all. The most important thing is our hearts. Our improvement in cultivation is the top priority. If we follow Master’s words and look within at every moment, we won’t have any problems. If we do have problems and look within, they will not be issues at all.
This is my current understanding. I hope fellow practitioners will kindly point out whatever is improper.
