(Clearwisdom.net)
As a veteran practitioner, I am embarrassed to admit that it was not until very recently that I purchased a computer and even more recently that I actually accessed the Internet. It wasn't because I couldn't afford one or because I'm too old to learn. These were just pretexts, and not [in keeping with] "fundamentally change their conventional human notions." (Essentials For Further Advancement)
In true cultivation, to rid oneself of all kinds of human attachments is by no means an easy thing to do. In recent years, especially since 2006, I was in a lonely state of personal cultivation. Before that time, I was arrested and detained and sentenced to forced labor four times. My already impoverished home was looted. The police extorted ten thousand yuan (equal to over one year of retirement pension) from us. My husband had long since passed away from illness, and my son was in the army. As such, I could no longer keep my home. With help from relatives, I was able to move and resettle in the south. My son was facing deactivation from the army and needed to seek employment and start his own family, so I had to loan him money to buy a house. Ordinary people are faced with all sorts of matters that they could be attached to. It is up to us to see how we can do the three things well.
Fortunately, I still maintained a steadfast thought: I will never give up my cultivation! Although I was never able to see with my celestial eye, my heart was crystal clear, and I knew that at every moment Teacher was always there to look after me. However, there were still many attachments I could not let go of during cultivation, especially my habit of being thrifty. Ordinary people say it's a good thing. I also said it was a good thing and was pleased with myself for saving a little money for truth-clarification materials. Although, in truth, I relied on a fellow practitioner to contribute materials from his home province. I only provided a little additional money, as well as a little more for the packaging and delivery. I even believed that I was doing rather well, all the while doing the three things with an ordinary person's mindset. I memorized the Fa four or five times, and yet I still could not enlighten to the seriousness of cultivation. Without an environment to improve through exchanging experiences with other practitioners, it was indeed a serious test.
Later on I enlightened to the fact that I had been inconveniencing fellow practitioners for a long time and that this reliance on others was a serious attachment. Taking the initiative to actively do things myself is the true, solid way of cultivation, or so I surmised. Hence, I saved up money to finally purchase a computer and other accessories. With the help of selfless practitioners, I was able to learn the basics of making truth-clarification materials. Yet I was still unwilling to log onto the Internet. I was a bit afraid. Even in doing things myself I was still carrying the attachment of being afraid to spend too much money. I looked for cheaper materials, no longer paying attention to quality. Whether or not ordinary people found the materials attractive was no longer a concern to me. At the time I was not even aware of how irresponsible my thoughts were, how selfish my thoughts were, and how far my thoughts were from the high standards befitting a practitioner!
It was not until one day when I was memorizing and reciting the Fa that my mind suddenly grasped the true import of a sentence from the Fa: "Buddhas save people without making a condition, without asking for anything in return." (Zhuan Falun) It was as though this one sentence suddenly awakened me to look inside. What was I doing? In helping Teacher validate the Fa, should I be asking for conditions, should I be asking for a price? My motivation was completely wrong! Isn't this the mentality of an ordinary person that remains unchanged? How perilous it was that, for all this time cultivating, I still had not let go of these human attachments! I thought of the limitless things that Teacher has given for the salvation of sentient beings time and time again. I then thought about the overseas practitioners and all they've given without seeking anything in return to cooperate with our mainland practitioners to clarify the truth. I only had to do a little by hand and couldn't even give a little more effort to do things well without being attached to this or that. What an unworthy heart I had! After I straightened out my thoughts, I immediately felt that I was seeing the light. Then I received two phone calls informing me that my pension was being withheld. My heart was unperturbed. I knew this was meant for the Fa and for ridding me of my attachment to monetary interests. Later on my work unit phoned me again, telling me that my retirement pension would actually increase a bit. It really was quite theatrical. That is to say, what was really lost was only that extraordinarily bad human attachment.
Now that I know how to access the Internet, and with my previously acquired knowledge, I can make truth-clarification materials with more proficiency. I know that if I prepare exquisitely crafted and easily preservable materials, people will be reluctant to throw them away. As long as I put my heart into it, no sum of money spent is too high, since these are important tools for saving people. Is that not so? Aside from money, everything in existence, if Fa rectification requires it, shouldn't it all be used?
Because I have only just started to learn how to type, writing this article took about eight hours. I would like to once again give my heartfelt thanks to all the fellow practitioners that work on the Clearwisdom website for the opportunity and platform to improve my xinxing through this experience sharing.
