(Clearwisdom.net) An older practitioner comes to study the Fa at my home. Yesterday she talked about inserting truth-clarifying VCDs in books for sale in bookstores she's been visiting. I thought right away it was a good idea, an excellent way to clarify the truth, but at the same time I was surprised: I hadn't expected her to do so well!
From what I understood, I always thought that older practitioners weren't willing or didn't dare to distribute VCDs, whereas I have arranged for VCDs to be burned and supplied from my home. I presumed that I'd been doing more and better than others, especially better than those older practitioners. I've been so proud of myself that I exposed my attachment of placing myself over and above others without realizing it.
Actually I am a new practitioner, having cultivated for less than a year. After the material site was established in my home, practitioners warned me again and again about the attachment of showing off. I thought I didn't have any such attachments, but as a matter of fact, they have been following me like shadows, concealed and hidden quite deeply. Deep in my heart I noticed that, within this short period of my real cultivation, I could do this sacred thing that many veteran practitioners have not, even though some of them have cultivated a few years and others well over ten years.
In group Fa study, I saw myself as one who could speak better Mandarin and could read faster and smoother, missing fewer words and making fewer incorrect pronunciations. I felt I was over and above the others. When they praised me, I felt comfortable and proud.
When I comprehended something on the Fa, I often had a fleeting thought: "I doubt they got it, too." For example, after viewing Teacher's "Fa Teaching Given to the Australian Practitioners," I comprehended that I should add a thought to eliminate all evil elements that affect our saving sentient beings by creating dividers and barriers among practitioners. I was feeling joyful for having understood this.
Writing this down now, it hurts. I study the Fa every day, but I don't really comprehend It. Teacher is doing everything. Even if I could do something, it would be the Fa that selects me. Teacher gives me an opportunity, and Teacher gives me everything. Since everything comes from the Fa, how could I be in a position to look down upon other practitioners and place myself over and above them? This kind of attachment must be eliminated--I certainly don't want it.
Since my level is shallow, fellow practitioners please kindly correct my errors.
