(Clearwisdom.net) I began Falun Dafa cultivation in 1997, and have worked on producing materials to help spread the facts about the persecution for more than ten years. Recently however, there have been many arguments at home, and it has lost the peace and quiet it had previously. My husband often started shouting as soon as he came home. Everything was offensive to his eyes, even my cooking didn't satisfy his liking. He wanted noodles when I cooked rice. He was not easy going at all. It was out of his character. He became very angry when he saw me preparing truth-clarification materials and frankly told me that he was not against Falun Gong, but that I wasn't allowed to prepare truth-clarification materials at home. Let others do the job, he said. I asked him the reason and he said, "No one likes having a photo-copy machine in their office. It smells and it's poisonous. It's the same at home. It's poisonous." I tried to explain to him, but he was not willing to listen. The more I explained, the angrier he got. So I decided not to talk to him any more. I tried to prepare the materials when he wasn't around so he wouldn't get upset.
That way of avoiding him made things worse. On his days off, he usually gets up at 8:00 or 9:00 a.m. But more recently he was getting up at 6:30 a.m., walking into my room and making loud accusations that I must have done something as it smelled, and it was poisonous, etc. In fact, I hadn't done anything at all, as I was simply reading some articles on the Internet. I didn't answer him and he became even angrier and started throwing things while he was shouting. Such madness continued for more than 20 days. I could no longer hold back my anger that I had kept in my heart and I told him off with a loud voice. I was so angry that he stopped talking. It was just like Master said,
"Usually, if I say 'one,' she doesn't say 'two.' Today she's overruling me. He cannot control his temper and will start a fight." (Zhuan Falun)
The argument temporarily stopped. But I started to have another state of mind and my heart was filled with bitterness. I didn't know what to do.
It felt like my body was tied up with rope, and my heart was imprisoned, and I couldn't absorb the Fa while reading. This state lasted another week. Then I had a dream one night about taking a test and I couldn't answer any of the questions. I was so worried that I woke up from the dream. I enlightened that the dream was telling me that I was the one who had the problem. Otherwise things wouldn't be like this. My husband is usually quite good and he is also quite supportive of my Dafa work. With the current situation, it must be the old forces taking advantage of my attachments, causing evil ghosts to control him to interfere with me. On August 15, 2008, I was on duty at my work unit. I quietly sat down, and checked my behavior according to the Fa that Teacher taught. Cultivators should harmonize with their families. It is one hundred percent my fault when I have conflicts with an everyday person. It must be me who has the problem. I suddenly understood as if awakening from a dream. I opened the Minghui Article Collection - Look Inward and Be Diligent. I read fellow practitioners' articles earnestly and reflected on myself. Though these are sharing articles written by fellow practitioners and it is not the Fa, when I read it with a tranquil heart, I saw every word shining. A guilty conscience filled my heart.
I usually don't express myself much and consider myself rather introverted. I seldom reveal myself to others. Looking inward, I found that I had the attachments of being anxious to outdo others and of being concerned about my reputation. But the root problem was that I don't like the way that my husband acts, how he likes to show off, how he can't get straight to the point of the matter and is irresolute and hesitant. This is the kind of character that I dislike the most. This has been the problem in my heart for many years that no ones knows. I may hide it from others, but how can I hide from Master?
Master said,
"During your cultivation practice, I will use every means to expose all of your attachments and dig them out at their roots." ("Digging Out the Roots" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
With Master's arrangement, I had the opportunity to eliminate this attachment of sentimentality which had been hidden for so long. Though the conflict happened suddenly, it was not accidental. After I found the root of the problem, I experienced a change in my body and felt a sense of relief. "Once you upgrade your xinxing, your body will undergo a great change." (Zhuan Falun) My heart is no longer imprisoned. I experienced that only through looking inward can one overcome the tribulation.
Looking back, I realized that if my husband wasn't as gentle as he is, I might have faced other problems. Speaking fairly, my husband has gone through a lot, both mentally and materially during these ten years because of me. Materially, he supplied me with the printer, computer and paper. Mentally, because he was always away from home. He used to telephone me several times a day to check my safety when the persecution was at its peak, especially during 2001 and 2004. At those times there were not many practitioners who could download materials from the Internet in our county. My husband used to drive me to deliver the materials to fellow practitioners. In such a harsh environment, what he did was quite remarkable. However I never expressed my gratitude but instead stubbornly fought with him. I didn't treat him compassionately and instead exhibited my bad temper. This caused the phenomenon which should not have happened.
With Master's help, the disturbance has passed and my family environment is back to normal. The above is what I have enlightened to. Please kindly point out anything that is not correct.
