(Clearwisdom.net) There was a period of time when conflicts arose in my life. During this time, two little human figures, one in black and the other in white, would appear in front of me. The one in white was on the left, and the one in black was on the right. The one in white looked youthful, with some similarity to me and she was wearing a white silk gown and sitting in white light. The other one also looked like me, wearing black clothes and reclining on the ground eating meat, with a bottle of beer beside her. When I was angry, the two little figures would start a dialog of sorts and wave their hands and point fingers at each other. The one in black would talk about whatever made her happy, as if she was defending me or arguing for me, as if she was on my side. However, what she said was all against Dafa. On the other hand, the little white figure was talking quietly about good things like Teacher's words and reciting poems from Hong Yin to me. The two of them would take turns to talk, and by the end, the one in white would sit down in the lotus position and meditate with her eyes closed. But I could still feel that she was watching me, and waiting quietly. She looked merciful and peaceful, although not as magnificent as great divine beings, but very solemn.
I didn't get rid of my attachment to competition for a long time. Once I was mad at someone about something he said, saying to myself, "He made me so mad." Suddenly, a voice rose in my mind and said, "Don't be mad, don't be mad." Then the voice explained to me why. But I didn't watch my xinxing and yelled at the voice, "I want to be mad! Leave me alone!" The being didn't get mad, nor did she move, but remained silent. Upon seeing her remain quiet, I became angrier and yelled again "Why don't you talk? I am yelling at you, aren't you mad?" She responded peacefully, "I am not mad, for I am a god, not human. A god won't mind what people say." Her words pointed out my level and showed me the right attitude toward such conflicts in my life. All of a sudden, I felt ashamed, knowing that my level at that moment had fallen to an ordinary person's, or even lower. After realizing this, I felt my body becoming light, as if a big chunk of heavy stuff was taken out of my body. I wasn't mad any more, but felt happy. Then when I tried to recall what I had been mad about, I couldn't remember.
Now when I look back, it must be because the evil which was controlling my anger was removed from me. I was stunned.
Sometimes when I was not cultivating diligently, I would feel no confidence in myself, and would feel that I could never be a good practitioner like others. I knew Dafa is good, but was unable to follow Teacher's words. Seeing that the evil was still doing its work, I couldn't break through it. The sense of guilt became a burden on me, and I let myself fall into an ordinary people's indulgent life, which eventually brought me lots of trouble. So I became very down and depressed.
One day, a male voice rose in my mind: "Break through it, break through it." I said sadly, "I can't." "Don't you know that 'depression' is another form of a demon? Didn't you write an article about it and publish it on the website?" I didn't reply immediately. The voice continued, "Birth, aging, illness, death, sadness, and depression are all demons. Once you break through them, they will disappear. Sentient beings are expecting you." I asked the voice, "Who are you? Where are you?" He said "I am you, and you are me, but also I am not you. I am beside you, Teacher is beside you, and we are watching you." My tears rolled down my cheeks.
I thanked him for telling me this. I told him that I wanted to write this experience down and publish this on the website. He said, "Not now, your heart of showing off has not been gotten rid of yet."
The things described above happened a while ago. Dafa disciples should accelerate their speed of moving forward. Teacher is with us, gods are watching us, and sentient beings are expecting us.
Category: Improving Oneself
