From Hearts and Minds Uplifted--The Power of Falun Dafa: An American High School Student: "It Was My Heart and Mind That Needed To Change"

(Clearwisdom.net) [The following article appears in the book Hearts and Minds Uplifted--The Power of Falun Dafa, first published by the Clearwisdom editors in 2006. The many short stories in this book were written by people of all ages, from many countries, and from all walks of life. They are all very personal and unique, and yet they share a common theme: the tremendous spiritual growth that comes from practicing Falun Gong. For more information or to order Hearts and Minds Uplifted, please see: http://www.mhbooks.org/mhbooks/index.php?target=products&product_id=29937&sl=EN]

I am 17 years old and have been a practitioner of Falun Dafa for about six months. At the time just prior to my cultivation, things were not going very well in my life, and I was both spiritually and mentally confused. Trying to fit into the ordinary way of life just didn't seem fulfilling and purposeful to me. I didn't know what to make of life and couldn't understand what I was to do with my life. Why was I here? What was the purpose of my existence? I had been brought up in a religion, but it never seemed to answer the questions I had, and I never seemed to fully connect with its teachings. I was very much lost, and I wished I had some practice to follow so I could find my way.

It was then, like clockwork, that my brother sent me a copy of Zhuan Falun in the mail. At first, I didn't know what to make of it. Being brought up in a small town in the northeastern United States, I didn't know anything about cultivation practice, and some of the words in the strange blue book, let alone the title, which I couldn't even pronounce, were very foreign to me. Nevertheless, I was deeply intrigued by it and could hardly put it down. The more I read, the more questions Master Li answered, and the more my mind seemed to open up to the profound principles in the book. I could sense there was something very special, very powerful, and very profound about this book, and I felt I had found my way.

Shortly after, I experienced my first tribulation, although I didn't fully understand it at the time. I was going to a planetarium to see a laser light show with three of my friends. On the way there, I missed the exit to get on to the Interstate from the highway, and as a result, increased my travel time by about 20 minutes. In order to cope with this setback, I began to speed to try and make up for the lost time. When I got pulled over by a police officer, I got a speeding ticket, and on top of that, lost my license for two months. When we got to the planetarium, it was too late and we missed the show. On the way back home, while driving on the Interstate, I began to feel the car die out. It turned out that the car had run out of gas, even though the gas needle registered at over a quarter of a tank. I had to call my parents on a cellphone, and my dad had to come with some gas. Normally, because of my temper, I would have gotten into an argument with him, but because of what I had learned from Zhuan Falun, I was able to remain calm.

After that night, I continued to read Zhuan Falun. I finished reading the book in a couple of weeks, and after talking with my brother, began reading it again. Even without having a very good understanding of the Fa and without knowing anything about the five sets of exercises, I knew in my heart that I wanted to be a practitioner of Falun Dafa and wanted to practice cultivation. I wanted to assimilate to the characteristic of the universe, Zhen-Shan-Ren (Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance), and return to my original true self. In essence, the wish I had made had been granted, and I now had my way to follow.

When I first began my cultivation, I was very excited and very happy. My brother gave me the videotape of the five sets of exercises and I seemed to pick them up rather quickly. Although I couldn't sit in the full lotus position and couldn't hold the Falun Standing Stance Exercise for very long, I felt very content with myself during the practice. But because of my superficial understanding of the Fa, the things I began to give up and change about myself were all superficial as well. I understood attachments only as material things and understood cultivating character as having to do only with moral values. In addition, I wasn't using the Fa to measure myself with. With this poor understanding, I began to improve myself only on the surface. Of course, this needed to occur in order for me to become a good person, which is the first step towards becoming a practitioner, but as time passed, I didn't seem to be making much progress.

I read the book more, and it became evident to me that what I was doing was not true cultivation. Although I felt very good about myself and my practice, I was not truly giving up my deep-down attachments, the root causes for all of my problems. Because of this, my mind had become foggy and my thoughts unclear. In Zhuan Falun, Master says, "Whenever there is interference of one kind or another in qigong practice, you should look for reasons within yourself and determine what you still have not let go." I realized from this that I would have to give up much more than just the superficial things if I wanted to be a true practitioner and truly advance. It wasn't just my actions and habits that needed to be changed and/or given up, it was what was inside, my heart and my mind, that needed to change. Without doing so, my character would not be able to upgrade, and my cultivation would be in vain.

The time between then and now has been like a roller coaster ride. I would make progress, then fall back down, and make progress again, and fall again. But because of those ups and downs, I have been able to learn a lot. In fact, this is just the cultivation process. For instance, in the beginning of my cultivation, every time I would understand something new in Zhuan Falun or my exercise time would increase, I would become excited and think, "Wow, I am making good progress" or "Wow, I am doing really great." I would then, without realizing it, become complacent, and as a result, would fall back down. For quite a while this was happening, then I realized that it was just because of my attachment of complacency that I would fall back down after making a little progress. Once I gave up this attachment, I found that after making a little progress, I was able to keep making more progress. Sometimes. though, I feel myself getting lazy, so I try to read the book every day and practice when I can. Now when my practice time increases, I think to myself, "I should endure longer next time."

Recently, I went through a tough ordeal in my cultivation. Over the course of several days, my mind became more and more unclear, and the warm feeling inside of me disappeared. I even began to doubt whether or not I was able to cultivate. I didn't know why this was happening, but after reading a passage from Falun Dafa, Essentials For Further Advances, I found my answer. Master Li said, "I also want to tell you that your nature in the past was actually based on egotism and selfishness. From now on, whatever you do, you should consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism." ("Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature") Shortly after reading this, I realized that my thoughts over the past few weeks had become increasingly self-centered. I was only thinking about things relating to myself and not thinking of others, and my problems increased the more this happened. I would then begin to worry about it more and more, and in an effort to try and find out what the problem was, would become even more engrossed with myself, instead of paying attention to cultivating my character. In fact, it was the attachment of selfishness that was the problem. Once I realized this, a week of troubles disappeared in a second and it was as if I could feel Compassion bloom inside of me. After that, I didn't have a single selfish thought about myself, and could only think of others. It was a very good feeling.

I can now sit in the full lotus position, and my practice is much more solid. When I am practicing the sitting meditation, I feel a warm current flow over my entire body, and my skin usually gets warm and red. At school, I find myself very content. I just sit there quietly while the people around compete and fight for their own interests. I sit there with a peaceful mind, but also become very sad while watching them, because of what they are doing. I used to be just like them, and sometimes I want to jump up and tell them what they are doing is wrong, that there is so much more to everything than what they think. But because I am a practitioner, I know it is not my place to get involved in their troubles. I think the desire to get involved is actually tied in with the attachment of showing off. I know feeling compassion brings about such a sadness for people, but feeling compassion does not mean that I should get involved in their business. If I really want to help them, I should tell them about Zhuan Falun.

Recently, quite a few people at my school have become interested in learning about Falun Dafa, and I have given away several books. I think it is really great that they are interested in it, and I smile from ear to ear when I think about the benefits they will get from it. To promote Falun Dafa is just such a good thing, and I think I need to take a step up in this aspect. In the time to come, I am going to try and get a reading group and practice site started, and try to get Zhuan Falun into bookstores in my area.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and feel that the cultivation ahead of me is just too difficult and complicated. I try and shut these thoughts out of my mind as soon as they crop up because I know that they are just my attachments and karma interfering with me. They don't want to be eliminated, so they resist my cultivation. I must be firm in mind and determined to make it, and let my cultivated side prevail over my uncultivated side, as well as accept hardships to eliminate my karma. The more I do this, the less difficult my cultivation will be. When encountering a problem, I must remember that overcoming it is truly not that difficult, and it's just the false ideas and notions that I have previously formed that make it seem that way. If I can ignore these illusions and look at the problems with my cultivated side, then it will be no problem to overcome them, whatever they are, and I will be able get that much closer to my original true self. After all, Master said in Zhuan Falun, "After passing the shady willow trees there will be bright flowers and another village ahead." I also must take bigger steps in improving my character, and evaluate my every thought and action with the Fa.