(Clearwisdom.net) [The quote in the subtitle, "Rest momentarily for self-reflection, add righteous thoughts," is from "Be Rational, Awaken" in Hong Yin II]
I always believed that I did not cultivate as diligently and make progress as I should have, nor did I feel that there were any breakthroughs. I therefore thought that I was not worthy of sharing my cultivation insights with fellow practitioners. This notion kept me from exchanging cultivation experiences with fellow practitioners. In hindsight, I had acknowledged the old forces' arrangements by thinking this way. Would a divine being hold such thoughts? No. Apparently this is a human notion. Why was I afraid of writing and sharing my cultivation experiences? Was I trying to protect myself from criticism? Shouldn't I eliminate all human notions?
1. Overcoming Human Notions and Identifying My Fundamental Attachment
When I first obtained the Fa, I thought, "Why did I have to attain the status of a Fa king? Wouldn't it be great just to be a common citizen in a heavenly paradise?" Now I know I was thinking about divine beings with an ordinary person's frame of mind. But where did the idea come from? I think I know its root cause. It was because, "I didn't want to stand out among people." I thought that it would be a very hard life. Before I obtained the Fa, I had many tribulations. I lived a very hard life, so I looked for a way out, a place where I would be free from all harm. I discovered the philosophy of "the Middle Way," advocated by Confucius. I thought if I lived by this philosophy, I would become successful. Now I realize that such a mentality comes from the degenerated concepts of today's human society: evading responsibility and risks, insincerity, failing to say or do as one means, coveting a comfortable life, and so on.
When I wrote down these thoughts, I could not help wondering: Did I decide to study the Fa because I subconsciously thought it indulged some of my notions? Did I study the Fa to look for a safe and comfortable place? I cannot deny such thoughts. I was shocked at what I discovered about myself. Isn't this my fundamental attachment?
It turns out that I studied the Fa with pursuit. My human notions had kept me from identifying this fundamental attachment. Because of these notions, I failed to live up to my responsibilities as a Dafa disciple of the Fa-rectification period. I had always thought that I was not capable of doing Dafa work, that I might as well not get involved in doing Dafa work so that I wouldn't create losses for the Fa or bring about any bad influence. I believed that all responsibilities belonged to other practitioners. I had thought I shouldn't get involved because I didn't have the ability to handle things well. On the surface, I was trying to "protect" Dafa from harm, but I was actually protecting myself from harm. I was selfish. Even if I avoid all responsibilities to prevent myself from jeopardizing anything, does it mean I will be able to protect myself from harm? I was only fooling myself. A Buddha or a divine being would never think so. A divine being, once he decides to do something, will go all the way and will not think about his personal loss or gain. Teacher said,
"Each of you is like an Assistant, each of you is a particle of Dafa, each of you is immersed in and being tempered in the Fa, and each of you knows what to do. " ("Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference ")
How should I position myself? What should I do?
2. Searching Within and Improving Oneself to Cooperate with the One-Body
Once, a few fellow practitioner and I ran into a problem because we failed to cooperate with each other well. We pointed fingers at each other and complained. No one looked within. At the time, I did think I had made some mistakes, but I didn't want to listen to any complaints. I thought everyone should look within because all of us make mistakes to some extent. If I had to look within, then everyone else must also look within. I was overcome with grief. Afterwards, the printer kept running into problems. First there was a paper jam. Then, the ink ran dry during a printing job. As if this was not enough, we loaded the paper the wrong way into the paper tray, thus ruining over 160 sheets of papers. It was a costly lesson. Teacher said,
"Do you realize that as long as you're a cultivator, in any environment or under any circumstances, I will use any troubles or unpleasant things you come across--even if they involve work for Dafa, or no matter how good or sacred you think they are--to eliminate your attachments and expose your demon-nature so that it can be eliminated, for your improvement is what's most important. " ("Further Understanding" in Essentials for Further Advancement)
Our printer does have a soul. When it saw us reluctant to improve ourselves, it kept reminding us to search within. I think the printer used this paper jam to give us a hint that we needed to elevate our xinxing and not get "stuck" at our present level. When it ran dry, the printer was reminding us to cooperate with each other well. Your responsibilities are my responsibilities. Don't draw lines in terms of responsibilities. When we loaded the paper incorrectly, it was a hint that we should turn our attention toward our inadequacies instead of others' flaws. I held such thoughts, but I didn't want to admit my faults because my cultivation state was unstable.
After a few days, Teacher published a new article. Teacher said,
"When you encounter something, the best approach is not to charge forward and contend with others, push your way to the front, and rush forward to chase down the solution. Let go of your attachment, take a step back, and then resolve it. (Applause) If whenever something happens you instantly jump into who's right, whose problem it is, and how you have done, then while on the surface it looks like you are resolving the conflict or tension, in reality that's not the case at all. On the surface it looks plenty rational, but in reality that's not rational at all. You haven't taken a step back and fully cast off your attachment, and then thought the issue over. Only after a person calmly and peacefully withdraws from a conflict and then looks at it can he truly resolve it. " ("Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference at the U.S. Capital")
Isn't Teacher pointing at us? Teacher knows everything! I was so embarrassed and ashamed! Teacher has tried so hard to look after us! Actually, Teacher has taught us everything. Why do we not enlighten to the Fa? Why do we have to wait until Teacher points out the problems?
Lately there have been some problems in our area. A truth-clarification materials production site was discovered by the police. Many fellow practitioners were arrested. Although I was not working at that site, I had to look within. Indeed, I found many human thoughts. I emphasized that the loophole was created because of fellow practitioners' poor coordination. I didn't look within. I expected others to pick up the ball. But how much have I done for fellow practitioners in terms of sharing responsibilities? Teacher said,
"Dafa doesn't have any people in charge. Everyone is a cultivating disciple. " ("Fa-Lecture at the Conference in Florida, U.S.A.")
Why did I have to rely entirely on "fellow practitioners in charge"? I saw myself evading and pushing away responsibilities.
In addition, I first thought of protecting myself during dangerous situations in our area. On the surface, I thought of protecting myself to reduce losses for Dafa, but it was actually my attachment to selfishness and fear at work. During dangerous situations, I should not look at it with human thoughts. It should be our first reaction to deny any of the old forces' arrangements. We should send forth righteous thoughts to eradicate the evil and to help fellow practitioners escape from the clutches of the evil. I should look within while having righteous thoughts and righteous actions. I should reveal the evil's persecution to the world's people.
However, I gave in to selfishness and fear. I failed to fulfill my responsibilities. I even thought it'd be a waste of time to make too much glue because fellow practitioners might not have the courage to post truth-clarification materials when many policemen were roaming the streets. By thinking this way, I kept practitioners from validating the Fa. It was a painful lesson. I hope that all practitioners in our area will maintain righteous thoughts and righteous actions, cooperate with each other well, and improve as one-body.
Teacher said that we are "Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples." Teacher also said that we are "awakened Ones that walk the earth." ("Congratulatory Message") I have come to the understanding that I must make a breakthrough, overcome human notions, and govern each and every thought of mine according to the Fa until all of my thoughts completely satisfy the requirements of the Fa.
It was highly uplifting to write this paper. I have indeed overcome a lot of attachments. Speaking from my own experience, I highly recommend to fellow practitioners that they write about their own cultivation experiences. Don't sell yourself short. You will improve your cultivation as long as you write down your cultivation experiences. Please kindly correct anything inappropriate.
