(Clearwisdom.net) My new life in Falun Dafa began in 1998. I look back and can't believe that I've come this far, so far-- I never could have imagined how far-- from such an inauspicious beginning. But not, I must explain, all at once.
First, there were the exercises, which I initially thought were all that was involved in the practice. I could not get the hang of them. For a coordinated, fairly athletic individual, this was mortifying, truly embarrassing and humbling. Indeed, a xinxing test from the get-go. The body and mind proved amazingly resistant; the old forces did not want to let me go, for over a year.
"Shenshen Heyi"--"Join the mind and body together." I realize now that, figuratively speaking, there was no "mind" to join the body to because I wasn't studying the Fa. But reading the book, at the very beginning, was just too daunting. In fits and starts I would read, my prior knowledge and "conventional human thinking" a huge hindrance. As Master says, "Everyone sits here because of a predestined relationship." That is the only explanation for why I kept returning, kept trying to study, kept trying to cultivate, kept trying to practice, kept trying to "Fanben Guizhen"--Return to my origin and true self. Just as my mastery of the physical exercises made slow, almost imperceptible progress, so did my ability to study the Fa. Only little by little did it dawn on me that Fa study itself was the key to the practice.
When I got my first computer in the first part of 2000, I found the Clearwisdom website, which became a lifeline in my cultivation. What I found there gave me insight and strength, warmed my heart and encouraged me, and chilled me to the bone and made me weep. I read as much of the website as I could every day. When I returned from out of town, I would go to the archives and catch up on the days I had missed. I saved and re-read articles of particular significance to me. I emailed pertinent articles to fellow practitioners and to those considering the practice. I emailed articles of interest to my friends and family. I made hardcopies and sent them to those without computers.
Agreeing to proofread and "polish" the occasional article for the Clearwisdom website was a big step for me. But how could I not give back when I had benefited so greatly? It was both rewarding in ways hard to express. and heart-rending. I was also awed by the incredible responsibility of what I was doing and sometimes agonized over an article for many hours over several days. For all these reasons, "Fa" study became both more urgent and somehow easier. I could no longer understand my previous reluctance.
Several years later, I was asked to take on a more regular role in "polishing" articles for Clearwisdom. Intimidated as I was by the thought of more responsibility for this priceless endeavor, I knew I would arrange my time to make it possible. "No loss no gain." I know I've lost time for other things, but those other things hold no attraction for me anymore and what I have gained, including a magnificent cultivation environment, has been incalculable.
I would like to close by sharing some thoughts on a common metaphor that has come to have great meaning for me. Not long after I first started proofreading for the Clearwisdom website, I became aware of the many hands and hearts that made this site a reality and the phrase, "I am a cog in a wheel" came to mind. And if ever I've had something approaching an "Aha" moment in my cultivation, this was it. Of course I am part of a wheel, the great Falun Law Wheel. And what is a cog if not a spoke, a spoke because I have "spoken" out for Falun Dafa and because I have "spoken" of my commitment to Falun Dafa. And as a spoke in this sacred wheel, my responsibility, with Compassion and Forbearance, is to remain straight and True by doing the three things well, enabling the smooth progress of Fa-rectification.
This I will do, to the best of my ability, for as long as necessary.
These are my understandings at my level.
Thank you, Master. Thank you, all, my fellow practitioners.
