(Minghui.org) I’ve been practicing Falun Dafa for twenty-plus years. Unfortunately, I mishandled money allocated for making Dafa truth clarification materials. I want to apologize to Master Li, Falun Dafa’s founder and teacher, and to other practitioners.
I work on a Dafa project that uses paper currency. We write information about the practice on the bills. Because I wasn’t strict with myself, I used some of the money when I ran short of money. I didn’t feel that I did anything wrong because I paid it back as soon as I could.
I haven’t worked since 2017. My husband is in poor health and makes a little money doing odd jobs. Although he gets paid a few thousand yuan (6.7 yuan = $1), at the end of the year, we don’t have a lot of cash.
My son got married and we had to buy betrothal gifts for the bride’s family. We were short about 3,000 yuan (approximately $447), so I took money from the Dafa project. My daughter-in-law then had a baby, and I used 5,000 yuan (approximately $745) from the Dafa fund to pay for the delivery. Although I repaid the money within days, I wasn’t supposed to use any of it for personal needs. My conduct was not based on the Fa principles, and I hadn’t taken cultivation in that aspect seriously.
I was later busy taking care of my two grandchildren and had no income for that time. I spent Dafa project money from time to time to cover the family expenses, like buying food for my grandchildren or for trips to my parents’ home.
Both grandchildren were hospitalized several times throughout the years and I paid the bills with project funds. I haven’t paid all of it back yet.
I once borrowed 10,000 yuan (approximately $1,490) from a practitioner to help my son pay his debts. When the practitioner asked to be reimbursed, I couldn’t find anyone to lend me the money so I again borrowed from the Falun Dafa project to pay her back. I didn’t tell her where it came from.
My family’s financial situation has always been difficult. I recently visited a practitioner whom I don’t see often. She said, “I heard about your situation a long time ago and I’ve been wanting to share my take on how you have handled this problem, but just haven’t had the opportunity. Today is a good time to share.
“I think you must have done something that is not based on the Fa principles. Master said that Dafa disciples are blessed, especially those who have been practicing for more than twenty years. The persecution is not like it was in the early days. Most practitioners’ realms and levels of virtue have elevated, and all aspects of our lives have been rectified in the Fa. So why does your family not make ends meet? I urge you to look inward and quickly straighten yourself out.”
Her words stunned me. I immediately thought of my habit of borrowing Dafa funds, and I told her everything.
She was shocked and said, “I didn’t think you would make such a big mistake. We know that the money is a resource to be used for saving sentient beings, and as such, we have no authority to use it for anything else. I suggest you repent to Master and pay back what you owe as soon as possible.” She then gave me 5,000 yuan and said, “Do not hold the attachment of pursuit. You must sincerely repent and rectify yourself based on the Fa principles.”
I hadn’t realized the seriousness of the matter until then. My family ordeal was caused by my misuse of Dafa resources and my omission in my cultivation, thus, the old forces interfered with me.
The issue was all my fault. Had I looked inward when I first ran into financial difficulties, I would have been able to overcome them. Yet I kept repeating the same mistake for a long time.
I truly regret what I’ve done, and realize that I’ve let Master down. Practitioners gave their hard-earned money for Dafa projects, so how did I dare to spend it and not feel bad about doing so? I have no words to describe my remorse and shame. I saw I had attachments to wanting to save face, vanity, greed, selfishness, and not wanting others to look down on me.
Master, I was wrong. I want to apologize to practitioners. Because of my selfishness and greed, I wasn’t able to pay practitioners back right away, which caused difficulties for them.
I’m writing this article to let Master know that I repent my behavior, and to remind practitioners not to take Master’s compassion for granted. I will cultivate according to the Fa principles, be strict with myself, do the three things well, and live up to Master’s expectations.
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