Discovering My Deeply Hidden Jealousy

(Minghui.org) Three things happened to me recently that exposed my attachments, and I’d like to share my experiences with Minghui readers.

One summer night, I went for a walk at the foot of a mountain after dinner and saw two little girls. They both sat on a chair, and one of them was playing with a toy gun that made pretty bubbles. She turned to the other girl, who sat quietly, and blew lots of bubbles at her.

Looking at them, I wondered if the quiet girl felt sad or ashamed for not having a toy, or got upset at the girl who was blowing bubbles at her.

The quiet girl didn’t get upset but, instead, extended her hands to catch the bubbles with a big smile. They were so happy playing together. I then noticed my attachment to jealousy.

Growing up under the indoctrination of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), I often compared myself with everyone. I wanted to have what others had, and I couldn’t tolerate others being better than myself. I held a hostile attitude toward people who had what I didn’t.

The two girls were young and didn’t have many preconceived notions, so they enjoyed playing with each other.

Being Defensive

I went to the drugstore to buy glycerin to mix with my body lotion. The clerk asked me what it was for, and I got upset and became defensive. I thought, “Why are you questioning me? Just go find the product and mind your own business!”

I noticed I was being defensive. And again, under the CCP’s influence, I twisted someone’s good intentions and thought of them in a negative way. Once I recognized that, I told her why I wanted to buy glycerin, and she showed me a better product.

The clerk didn’t have ill intentions and just wanted to find a better product according to my need. However, my attachment was exposed―I was being defensive and wrongly suspected her intentions.

Getting Rid of Apathy

Two practitioners and I were on our way somewhere. One practitioner walked by herself, while another practitioner and I walked behind her.

A man pulling a cart crossed in front of us, and something fell off the cart. The practitioner walking ahead of us stepped forward, picked up the item, and put it back into the cart. 

I noticed my apathy, because I wouldn’t have picked up the item even if I were walking in the front.

I’ve always been self-reliant and have a strong personality. I rarely ask others for help and try to solve problems on my own. 

Therefore, it doesn’t occur to me that people might need help, so I just let them deal with their own problems. I don’t get involved in others’ business and feel good about it.

Master Li, the founder of Falun Dafa, saw that I was unaware of my apathy and gave me an opportunity to improve.

A few days later, while walking on the street, a girl’s handball fell and rolled in front of me. The old me would have ignored it and thought, “She is young and can pick it up herself. I don’t need to worry about it.” But that day, I picked up the ball and gave it back to the girl.

I used to regard doing a good job making Dafa materials and clarifying the truth as cultivating well. What happened recently made me realize cultivation is not about doing things in a grand way. Paying attention to every thought and action is also being responsible and diligent in my cultivation.

Thank you, Master, for the enlightenment and deliverance!