I Was Able to Get Online after I Looked Inward

(Minghui.org) The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) has blocked the Internet since this September. I was barely able to get on the Internet at the beginning of the month. When I failed mid-month to get online to send two articles that fellow practitioners wrote, I began to worry,

One evening, a fellow practitioner borrowed a car, picked me up, and took me to her home to try to access the Internet. She took me home after we’d finally submitted the articles. The round trip took about 45 miles and was quite costly.

I thought about it after I got home: “Why was I unable to get online, but the other practitioner was?” Bad thoughts arose: “Her computer was not detected by the authorities because she has been busy coordinating practitioners and does not have time to get online. I went online almost every day, and they were targeting me to keep me from getting online.” These unrighteous thoughts, in fact, had accepted the authorities denying me Internet access.

I was unable to go online no matter what I tried. I could not download the Minghui Weekly for three weeks. I had to rely on fellow practitioners to transfer it to me. A practitioner who was close to me could go online. Another practitioner at the information center had no problem either. I was the only one who had problems. I got so worried that I developed a canker sore.

Only then did I think of looking inward. I found that I was attached to seeking fame. I wrote articles and became overzealous after a few of them were published on the Minghui website. I also had the attachment of being impatient. No matter what I did, I would not stop until I finished it, even if I didn’t eat or sleep.

Master said:

“Cultivation is a process of giving up human attachments to the greatest extent. Why do you care so much about that thing? It’s because the thing that lingers in your mind, that you are attached to and care so much about, is a wall—a wall that prevents you from leaving humanness behind. I ask that you have each of your thoughts gradually break away from humanness and enter a godly state. Yet every thought of yours is linked and tied down to this place of humans. It’s just like a ship that’s about to set sail, yet its ropes are tied to the dock. Many ropes are tied up, and you can’t leave unless you untie them.” (Teachings at the Conference in New Zealand)

Dafa dispelled a big dark cloud in my mind. I was able to see clearly my attachments deeply hidden at the bottom of my heart. Wouldn’t I leave Dafa if I kept going in that direction? How can it be okay if Dafa practitioners do not follow the Fa in their behavior? My being unable to get online was a good thing after all: Without trouble, one would not know to look inward. My being unable to get online was Master’s hint to help me get rid of my attachment.

Then I had a clear dream. Several female practitioners (whom I did not know) and I went to a beautiful place. A wide ladder leading to heaven lay ahead. A passage to the ladder was carpeted in red, with yellow flowers forming three-foot-high walls on both sides. The flowers were in full bloom and the wall was straight and trim. It was like a fairyland. I followed the others along the passage and started to climb the ladder step by step. After a while, it got more difficult to climb. The centers of my soles hurt—they felt as if I was stepping on a knife point with each step I took. The pain woke me from the dream.

The dream enlightened me about the difficulties and seriousness of cultivation. It is harder than anything one experiences in ordinary society. That the center of the sole of my foot hurt indicated that my heart hurt, since the hands and feet are connected to the heart. My understanding is that eliminating human attachments will be extremely painful; only by enduring pain can one’s attachments be eliminated.

There is a saying among ordinary people: “One will not taste the sweetest of the sweet if one does not endure the bitterest of the bitter.” I must mention that we have committed so many bad deeds and created so much karma in our ignorance during so many lives. Master has shouldered much for us, but we ourselves need to endure and repay some of it. Not to endure anything is not in line with the laws of heaven. The road to immortality has to be difficult.

On the other hand, I have good ideas, and I speak and write well. Why is that? It is because Master has opened my wisdom. Ordinary people find it difficult to do this. It is Master’s feat. Master encouraged me. My attachment to seeking fame is the same as taking credit for what belongs to heaven. What is there for me to be zealous about? If Master hadn’t saved me, I would have died already, let alone the fact that I wouldn’t have written anything.

I doubled my efforts to study and memorize the Fa after I recognized my horrible behavior. I memorized Hong Yin VI and am halfway through it a second time; I memorized one poem a day. No matter how busy I am, I find a few minutes or a dozen minutes to work on memorizing it. It is going very quickly since it is the second time I’ve memorized it. Thus, if I have time left, I will recite it again. I try to enlighten to the Fa principle as I memorize it. The second time I did it, I enlightened to new Fa principles that I missed the first time. The more I memorize, the deeper and broader I sense the Fa to be. The content of the Fa is immense.

Master opened my wisdom through my memorizing Hong Yin VI in the past few months. I wrote poems to wish Master a Happy Mid-autumn Day. I found it was much easier than it used to be in the past. I finished it in a little over 10 minutes.

Master has given me so many good things. Regretfully, I did not cultivate myself diligently. I am indebted to and have disappointed Master. I knelt in front of Master’s picture, confessed my mistakes, and begged for a chance to correct myself.

I was unable to get online at first when I turned on the computer yesterday. I asked Master for help. It displayed the message “System refreshing, please restart in a minute.” I did, and miraculously, I was able to go online. The signal was pretty good. I submitted the articles I’d accumulated to the Minghui website.

I did the same thing today. I got online and submitted the articles successfully. I also downloaded the Minghui broadcast.

Thank you, Master, for saving me.