Thoughts About the Practitioners Around Me Facing Tribulations and Searching Within

(Minghui.org) For the last two years, practitioners who contacted me were going through sickness karma, and two of them passed away. Below is my sharing about some of the issues in our cultivation. 

Attachments to Relying on Others and My Attachment to Being Relied On

Many practitioners often came to my home. One day a practitioner, who didn’t often come to visit us, came when we were studying the Fa. The practitioner rang the bell, but I didn’t open the door because I couldn’t see her from our screen. At that time, a neighbor one floor below us opened the door and asked her if she was coming to our home. The practitioner asked how he knew, and he said it was because there were always visitors at my home.

When the practitioner came to talk to us about it, I thought it could be a hint from Master Li (the founder of Falun Dafa). After I shared this with others, I realized that this situation didn’t comply with the Fa, as our home is both a truth-clarification materials production site and a Fa study site, so it wouldn’t be safe to have a lot of people visiting. I said to practitioners, “Please don’t come here unless there is a reason for us to work together.” Since then, a lot less practitioners come to my home.

One night at around 11p.m., a practitioner came over in a rush. I asked her what happened. She said, “The police turned off my electricity, so I need to stay at your home for some time. I know only you can help me.” I agreed to let her stay, as I knew she was in trouble. However, I felt it quite strange. So I shared with this practitioner about my neighbors seeing that I always had visitors. Then she said, “You have an attachment to being relied on.” Her words woke me up. I realized it was Master giving me a hint. I then asked her more information about the electricity switch to her home. She didn’t have any basic knowledge of the electricity situation for her home, and then she realized she could have been wrong about her electricity being turned off. The next day, she returned home happily. I realized that she came to my home only to tell me about my attachment.

The hint from Master indeed woke me up. For many years, I didn’t notice that attachment which had been hidden for so long. I have been like this since long ago. Fellow practitioners thought I cultivated well, and they all came to discuss things with me. Their so-called sharing was more like asking me what to do. Therefore, I always gave fellow practitioners instructions on what to do next. They were not doing things for themselves based on the Fa. It also made fellow practitioners develop an attachment to relying on me. But it was bad if they only learned from me, instead of the Fa. It is dangerous for them, and me as well.

Ling is another practitioner who has a strong attachment to relying on others. She relies on me very much. Because she couldn’t get up early to do the exercises, she often came to my house at night so I could wake her up and do the exercises with her. Whenever there was anything going on, she came to my home for a few days to hide. When she had sickness karma, she came to my house to adjust her cultivation state, and it usually took quite a long time.

Having a Role Model Instead of Studying the Fa

Looking further at my attachment to being relied on, I saw a phenomenon: some fellow practitioners tend to be a role model instead of studying the Fa. This was especially true for two practitioners who passed away recently. They often stayed at my home.

Yi had been released on medical parole. She left her home to avoid arrest and had severe sickness karma. One of her breasts had an ulcer and then it became necrotic. By chance we got to know each other, and she came and stayed at my home a few times.

Ding moved to our city from another city. We got to know each other two years ago, and she frequently came to my home. She came when she experienced tribulations, such as she couldn’t pass a xinxing test, was being monitored and watched by the police, her house was being remodeled, or she had sickness karma.

Both practitioners said they benefited a lot when they shared with me and could understand everything I said. Gradually, they came to me whenever they had any problems. They then developed the habit of learning from me instead of studying the Fa. Even when I pointed it out, they couldn’t improve. Based on my understanding, the reasons they couldn’t truly improve were that they didn’t study the Fa from their hearts, they relied on others, they didn’t know how to cultivate their xinxing, and they viewed cultivation based on human notions. Their main consciousnesses were not dominant.

My Looking Within

When fellow practitioners had problems, I looked within for my problems. “Why did these things happen? Although they have attachments they should let go of, why did those things happen around me? What attachments do I have?”

When I looked within, I realized that it was caused by my own attachments. Why did they all rely on me, instead of learning from the Fa? When they had trouble, they came to me and asked me what to do. I told them what to do based on my own understanding. Even though I was just telling them what attachments caused it, they were willing to listen to me. Wasn’t I showing attachments to fame, showing off, and being conceited? It also included my attachment to jealousy. I also had the same problems they did, such as viewing cultivation from the point of view of my human notions, and I wasn’t clear about the Fa.

Regarding any truth-clarification materials, others didn’t dare to prepare them. I learned various methods to prepare different materials and didn’t rely on anyone. It seemed like a good thing. However, it demonstrated my attachment to contending and my being conceited. I didn’t realize I was being controlled by the old forces. This was also a problem of my main consciousness not being dominant. 

Ling, the practitioner who relied on me so much, didn’t have righteous thoughts about whatever help I gave her. Instead, she thought she was entitled to my help. She even said that I had never been nice to her. I realized that Master arranged for her to be near me, and it was to help me improve my xinxing. At first, I thought our predestined relationship wasn’t benevolent, and it must be because I owed her from a previous lifetime. After constantly memorizing the Fa, I realized that the principles people use in human society can be the opposite of the higher principles we are to follow. Could it be because I didn’t help her with understandings based on the Fa, but used my human notions instead? She relied on me, but I should have pointed that out to her. If she didn’t listen, it was because my compassion was not strong enough. I was worried that she wouldn’t be happy. Wasn’t this an attachment to fame? Her behavior was like a mirror for me to see myself.

After I found my problems, I didn’t want her to rely on me again. Gradually, she changed, and her health has been improving. She knows how to cultivate her xinxing. Many other problems were also resolved, so that she could make it through the sickness karma. Therefore, cultivation is about cultivating oneself, instead of looking at others.

Now I am correcting myself. If there is no issue in my cultivation, no practitioners will come to me, and I can focus on my Fa study and do what I am supposed to do. One practitioner said that I had accepted the indoctrination of the Chinese Communist Party, so I thought it could be a hint from Master. I knew should listen to the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, Dissolving the Party Culture, The Ultimate Goal of Communism, and other related information. 

I first listened to Compilation of Dissolving Party Culture, and Compilation of Cultivate Heart and Let Go of Desires. After I was done, I realized that I had all of the problems mentioned in these books. I should let go of all I had accepted by being indoctrinated – otherwise, how can I cultivate myself?