Young Falun Dafa Practitioner: Eliminating My Attachment to Ego

(Minghui.org) I’d like to share how I passed a recent test. 

Eliminating the Attachments of Not Wanting to Be Criticized and Always Having the Final Say

I coordinated with a senior practitioner to go out to talk to people about Falun Dafa and the truth about the persecution. If they were receptive, I’d give them amulets. The little keepsakes were made by Ms. Lan (alias) who lived quite far from me. Since she often went to Ms. Hu’s home, I asked Ms. Lan to bring Ms. Hu some amulets and I would go there and pick them up. Here came the issue: Ms. Hu didn’t agree to help out and spoke very harshly against handing them out. She even forced Ms. Lan to take back the amulets she brought for me. 

After I learned what happened, I felt unsettled. I thought, “You really don’t understand how difficult it is to clarify the truth in person, do you? People like to receive these beautifully made keepsakes, but you don’t want us to hand them out, even though we are careful about who we give them to. Aren’t you telling us what to do?” 

I was so upset that when Ms. Hu asked to meet and discuss the issue, I became even more upset. I didn’t want to talk to her. I was angry—I felt wronged and unbalanced. My reaction was far from a practitioner’s mindset! I didn’t remember to look inward—all I could think of was how wrong Ms. Hu was. 

A few days later I asked myself: “Why am I so upset? Why am I so attached to handing out these keepsakes? Do I need them to clarify the facts to people? What’s my attachment?” 

I knew I needed to calm down and look inward. I realized that I did not like to be criticized by others. I always wanted to have the final say. I also looked down on others. So, when Ms. Hu refused to help and even criticized me I became upset. 

I thought I shouldn’t be moved. When the amulets were available, I’d hand them out; when they weren’t, I wouldn’t get upset. I would continue doing what I was supposed to do. 

After I had this realization I took fifty copies of truth-clarification materials and went to an apartment building to hand them out. When I got to the entrance the electronic door instantly opened. While I waited for the elevator I heard the people behind me saying a pass was required to open the door. I felt Master Li (Falun Dafa's founder) was encouraging me. That day, everything went very smoothly. After I finished, I met with another practitioner and we talked about other things we could do to awaken people’s consciences. 

We coordinated and in one afternoon, we passed out an entire bag of informational materials to people face-to-face. We also helped twelve people quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). I felt I passed this test and improved my xinxing, Master strengthened me so I could help awaken more people. Thank you Master for your painstaking arrangement. Thank you fellow practitioners for helping me improve my xinxing and eliminate my notions and human attachments! 

Eliminating More Attachments 

The first time I tried to get rid of these attachments, I couldn’t immediately do it. I knew I still had room for improvement. So, Master arranged another opportunity for me. 

When I clarify the facts to people during the Chinese New Year, I usually give them New Year calendars. I make the calendars we hand out and I bring them to a practitioner’s home. This practitioner and I work together to hand them out and we can usually hand out more than 100 copies in three or four days. 

I delivered calendars to this practitioner’s home one night. When I went there the next day she told me Ms. Lan brought some people over and they took apart every single calendar. Ms. Lan said some holes were punched too close to the inside, which made flipping the pages a bit difficult. 

When I saw all the calendars taken apart and piled up in two boxes, I couldn’t hold my temper. I said, “What!? Everything is up to them, is it? Not easy to flip over doesn’t mean they can’t be flipped over. After they took them apart, why didn’t they put them back properly? We need to hand them out, but now we have nothing. Didn’t they waste our time? Do they think it’s easy for me to make so many calendars all by myself?”

If they had re-assembled the calendars, or taken them away, perhaps I wouldn’t have gotten that upset. When they didn’t show up for a few days, I became even more upset. 

I thought: “I was so disturbed that I couldn’t study the Fa with a calm mind, or go out to clarify the facts. Wasn’t my anger pointing to another attachment I needed to let go of?” After I calmed down, I went to the practitioner’s home to collect the calendars and fix them myself. When I got there, they were gone. 

I didn’t pass this test quickly, but perhaps I still managed to pass it in the end. 

These two tests reminded me: When facing certain things, one should never get stuck in the right or wrong of the matter itself—instead we need to change our notions and hold ourselves to Dafa’s principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. I did very poorly in this regard. In the future, I’ll work hard on my xinxing and eliminate my human notions as quickly as possible, in order to repay Master’s saving grace.