Looking Inward and Eliminating My Attachment of Jealousy
(Minghui.org) I am very lucky to have obtained the Fa and have been cultivating for eight years. Over the years, I was not diligent enough, so it was hard for me to eliminate my attachments. Some attachments, once they manifest, are easy to detect; others, such as the attachment of jealousy, are harder to recognize.
My boss is a woman who is a few years older than me. She is a picky and hot-tempered person. From the perspective of an ordinary person, she had hardly any merits. She was stingy, afraid of being looked down upon, liked being praised, bad-tempered, never takes responsibility, egotistical, sloppy, selfish, never respects other people and vengeful. It seemed as if she was living in a world of hatred.
Over the past few years, my company hasn’t been doing very well financially, so many veteran employees have left, leaving behind a novice operator and me. My boss is very unstable emotionally since she is going through menopause. Her temper got even worse and she picked on me quite often. She would let out her anger and would always criticize me. I tried very hard to tolerate her criticism, but at times I would argue with her, which made her even angrier.
I would always regret arguing with her. I asked myself, “Why can’t you tolerate her?” Not only do I argue and quarrel with her, deep down in my heart I felt like the situation was very unfair because I did nothing wrong. There was a period of time where she would reprimand me almost every day. At one point I wanted to quit because not only was my salary low, I still had to put up with my boss’ attitude every day.
I was very troubled, and I reflected and pondered as to what I did wrong. But no matter how I looked at the situation, I still felt my boss was at fault.
When I handed in my resignation letter, my boss didn’t accept it. It was very obvious that she and I did not get along, so why didn’t she let me leave? Did she want to reprimand me even more? Suddenly I thought that this was all a test for me. How could I leave without passing this tribulation?
The problem lies directly in me. As practitioners, we need to look inward unconditionally.
“The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts.” (“Drive Out Interference,” Essentials For Further Advancement II)
“For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. IX)
I’ve started to concentrate while studying the Fa and tried really hard to look within. Gradually I came to realize that I had the attachment of jealousy. This attachment comes into play when I look down on other people.
“It is because jealousy is displayed very strongly in China. It is so strong that it has become natural and one does not even feel it.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
When I see people with a bad attitude and being picky, I would reflect on myself. Am I the same? I would criticize my husband when he makes a mess in the kitchen, reprimand my daughter for being too careless, or feel very uncomfortable when my boss makes a mess in public.
Seeing how other people are stingy and vengeful, aren’t I the same as well? And when I see people wanting to be praised, aren’t I the same by not being able to take criticism?
I realized that I am very picky and have deviated from the principles of the universe: Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. The attachment of jealousy isn’t just being jealous of people who are better than you, it also includes how you look down on others. If you see people’s shortcomings, isn’t this an opportunity to cultivate oneself? It’s not important whether an ordinary person abides by Dafa’s standards; instead, I should focus on myself and cultivate within.
After I realized my attachment of jealousy, my boss no longer picked on me. She would still reprimand me at times, but I would regard it as something I needed to cultivate gradually.
“It is impossible to be able to do it all at once, so we can make it gradually.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I still have many attachments that have yet to be eliminated such as being lazy, the attachment of comfort, the competitive mentality, resentment, showing off and the desire to look good. These are all attachments that will hinder my path of cultivation.