Remaining Calm When Being Misjudged
(Minghui.org) I am part of a large, close-knit family that includes grandchildren, brothers, sisters, nephews, and nieces. Whenever we get together to celebrate a birthday or engagement, my husband’s showing off used to give me a headache.
Although I've repeatedly reminded him to pay attention to what he says, his behavior hasn't changed at all. He talks about me publicly when he has been drinking, and it embarrasses me. I used to argue with him about it.
In the past, my husband had to travel for work and my daughter moved to another city. So I was home alone and not used to being around people.
Letting Go of the Attachment to Complaining
My husband retired in 2017. I complained a lot about his messy habits and not doing any housework. I did not look inward and just kept complaining. I would then experience a physical reaction like a toothache or a sore throat. I knew this was because I hadn't looked inward or improved my character.
Several times he said, “You always say something after the fact. You really make Master Li ashamed of you. I don’t think you can cultivate successfully. I've tried to help you to improve, but you always complain.” I knew Master was using my husband's words to remind me to look at my behavior.
I calmed down and looked inward. I found that I complained to my husband, because he had hurt me, and I hated him for that. Also, I had an attachment to jealousy. I always focused on myself and wanted to express my own thoughts. After I realized my weaknesses, I often recited Master’s Fa:
“A wicked person is born of jealousy.Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself. A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion.With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy. An enlightened person has no attachments at all.He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions.” (“Realms,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
I had cultivated for many years—how did I turn into such a bad person? I decided to truly cultivate myself. Whenever attachments appeared, I separated and eliminated them. I repeated Master’s words and continued to eliminate such evil.
This went on for a year. Most of my complaints and other attachments were gone. I considered others to be a priority. I understood how to be a Dafa practitioner during the Fa-rectification period. I corrected myself based on the Fa principles.
Master said: “
“You must also be able to preserve de, maintain your xinxing, and not do things at will. You should not casually do whatever you want, and you must be able to maintain your xinxing.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
Dafa requires a higher standard for us during the Fa-rectification period. We don’t only need to look inward but also need to correct ourselves according to Dafa principles at all times. During conflicts, we preserve our virtue, which is already another level of cultivation.
Last May, one of my nephews had a housewarming party. About 16 people were sitting around a table. As usual, my husband started to recount a past event where I caused us to be late and he got very angry. I touched him to remind him to stop telling his old stories, but he did not seem to notice. However, I didn't become emotional.
When he finished talking, I continued the story: “This happened several years ago and I really didn't do well. I made a mistake about the time, but I believed I was right. I apologize for this. Please don’t do what I did. We should consider others at all times.”
I apologized to my husband again in front of the others. Then I said, “Now, let Dabao share his experience about how the Master of Falun Dafa saved him.” Dabao started to talk about it.
Back home, my husband said, “You didn't complain about me today—you have improved!” I said, “Actually, I really appreciate your help. You helped me to improve. I have been making an effort to get rid of my attachments to fame, selfishness, and feeling unbalanced.”
When I preserved my virtue, I felt relaxed. I had found a better way.
One day, another practitioner said, “You asked me to do something, so why did everyone else know what I was going to do before I told them? I saw Lin and she asked me how I was doing. I didn't tell her anything but she knew what I was going to do. You should cultivate your speech.” I had no idea what she was talking about. I said that I had not asked her to do anything and hadn't talked to Lin, either. But she insisted that I'd told her to do something.
I was going to explain further, but I remembered Master said:
“Don't argue when people argue with you Cultivation is looking within for the cause Wanting to explain just feeds the attachment Breadth of mind, unattached, brings true insight” (“Don’t Argue,” Hong Yin III)
I realized I should get rid of the attachment to arguing. I appreciate Master’s arrangements and the help I get from fellow practitioners.
Protected by Master, I focus on doing what Dafa practitioners should do. I still have weaknesses and can be selfish, afraid, lazy, and indulgent. But I don’t judge myself. I just tell myself I must be successful in cultivation since I have Master.