Decades of Resentment Melt Away When I Let Go of Sentimentality
(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa at the end of 1998. Even though two decades of cultivation was only a short period, my life was cleansed and renewed by the teachings.
I had developed a deep grudge against my parents since I was a child. I thought they were unfair. It seemed they always favored my younger sister. I especially could not stand my mother’s unreasonable and argumentative personality.
When I first began practicing, whenever I thought of my parents, all kinds of grievances came to mind. Just before my younger sister was born, I, a 13-month-old baby, was sent to my grandmother in a different city. It seemed I always lived under other people’s roofs. I returned to my parents when I was in elementary school, but I received a cold reception. Worse still, my mother took the new clothes my grandmother bought me and put them on my younger sister. I gradually realized that I was redundant in my parents' home.
When I was old enough to work, my parents demanded I give them my entire salary. When I got married, however, they did not give me a penny.
When I began practicing I realized that my parents were simply repaying me for what I must have done to them in another lifetime. My resentment gradually faded. When my uncle asked whether I could take care of my parents since they were getting older, I instinctively shook my head. But I reminded myself that I was a Falun Dafa practitioner; I should always consider others first. I decided to follow Dafa’s principles and assume the responsibility of taking care of them.
At that time I lived in a two-bedroom apartment: one room was for me and the other was my son's. My parents preferred to live alone. So I suggested they sell their home and buy a new one near my place. They happily agreed. My parents had three apartments. Two bigger apartments were transferred to my younger sister and brother. The smaller, single room apartment was only worth 300,000 yuan. But a new apartment would cost 700,000 to 800,000 yuan. So I sold an apartment I owned to have enough cash to buy them a new place.
It was easy to sell their apartment, but hard to buy a new one. My parents were never satisfied, even though we could afford a bigger apartment. After looking for six months we ended up with nothing. My father-in-law gave my son the apartment we currently live in. When my son left home to study abroad, my parents insisted on moving into my son’s room. When my son came home during the semester break he had no place to stay. He had to stay at a nearby motel. He complained and said, “Grandpa left me the apartment, but I have no place to live.” I felt very bad and promised we would buy a new apartment as soon as possible. He didn't say anything, but seldom came home. My parents never mentioned purchasing an apartment and lived there for more than ten years.
I thought things would end there. I didn’t expect that my parents would go back to their abusive way of treating me. First, they complained the room was too small and uncomfortable. Then they said I cheated them and took their money (referring to the 300,000 yuan from selling their apartment).
When one began complaining the other echoed the complaint: there were problems with the TV, then the quality of the refrigerator was inferior. As soon as I replaced one TV, they complained about the new one. I changed TVs three times.
At first, I tearfully endured the abuse. When I could no longer remain silent I patiently explained to them. It went on and on. Finally, I didn't care.
Until one day my mother told my brother and his wife that I cheated her out of money. My brother, a man of few words, suddenly became angry, and said to my mother, “Didn’t you say that the apartment belongs to the eldest sister, since she takes care of you? What’s more, you gave my other sister and me each an apartment. Don't make trouble for nothing.” Mother said, “I forgot.”
After my brother left, my tears and grievance burst out. I kept asking Master, “Please help me. I can’t bear this anymore!” I suddenly remembered Master’s words,
“Since human beings have qing, being upset is qing, so are happiness, love, hatred, enjoying doing one thing, resenting doing another thing, preferring one person to another, hobbies, and dislikes. Everything belongs to qing, and everyday people just live for it. Then, as a practitioner and one who rises above and beyond the ordinary, one should not use this approach to judge things, and one should break away from them.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
I was shocked and repeated,
“… as a practitioner and one who rises above and beyond the ordinary, one should not use this approach to judge things, and one should break away from them.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
Suddenly, a warm current flowed through my body. I am a practitioner! Shouldn't I be following the Fa's principles?
I calmed down and looked inwards. My attachment to sentimentality actually caused my parents' behavior. I always felt they were unfair. I forgot everything I had enlightened to: I was jealous and felt resentful because my parents favored my sister. I did not have the compassion of a cultivator, so I looked down on my mother.
My parents were always complaining about me – wasn't it because I still had attachments I needed to eliminate?
When I asked myself, “Why did my parents always say that I cheated them of their money?” I realized that it looked like I took the 300,000 yuan as my own money. Didn’t this attachment to money bring me trouble? I decided to return the money to my parents.
The next morning, I met with my brother and sister-in-law. We went to the bank together with my mother. I deposited 300,000 yuan in her name. Looking at my mother’s happy face, the resentment that had weighed on me for decades disappeared in an instant.
Category: Improving Oneself