After Letting Go of Resentment, My Stomachache Disappeared
(Minghui.org) Two weeks ago, my stomach started to ache. Sometimes it hurt on the surface, at other times the pain was a swelling feeling that went right through my stomach, then all my organs hurt, and then my entire chest. The pain was strong and long-lasting, something I had never experienced before.
I looked inward and found many attachments. One was the attachment to fear. The day before my stomach started to hurt, I learned that a practitioner had passed away from a painful sickness karma. I was scared, fearing that if I did not cultivate well, I might develop a sickness karma and die.
I also saw my attachments to lust, to reading the news, and to being stirred by it. After letting go of an attachment, I experienced a brief respite, but another round of pain soon started. I was in almost constant pain except when I was reciting the Fa or working on Dafa projects. This lasted for about a week. I was confused and uncertain as to what was wrong and didn’t know what to do.
A week later, a fellow practitioner mentioned the attachment to resentment. First, I thought it had nothing to do with me. But when I carefully looked at my recent cultivation state, I was shocked to see that I actually harbored a strong resentment for a certain practitioner. In the past, this practitioner and I had hurt each other and now we looked down on each other. I often thought about how badly she had behaved and how much she had hurt me. Sometimes I spent a long time thinking about how I could convince her that she was wrong. My resentment became so ingrained that I did not realize that it existed.
A few days before I’d had a vision during the sitting meditation. I saw two piles of dung with flies buzzing around them. I did not understand at the time what this meant. Now I understood that my bad thoughts of resentment looked dirty and disgusting in another dimension. And “two piles” meant that I had more than one attachment.
When I realized I was harboring this resentment, from the bottom of my heart I felt I was wrong. As soon as I regretted how I had treated the other practitioner, my stomach began to make noises, as if something in my organs was dissolving, and I passed a great deal of gas. My stomach hurt a lot less. The next morning as I was doing the exercises, I kept hiccuping and passing gas. Then, I no longer had a stomachache.
No wonder in the Chinese language “getting angry” is literally “producing gas” (shengqi)! My resentment had accumulated so much gas that it caused my stomach in this dimension to hurt.
Another practitioner reminded me: “Feelings of resentment are not ours and we should repel them right away.” Regarding other people, especially practitioners, we should always focus on their good sides. We should see that every practitioner is trying very hard—they are all truly amazing. If we do that, we won't get upset with anyone so easily.
Resolving Xinxing Tests Eliminated Sickness Karma
On the surface I had a stomachache. Behind it were so many attachments: human notions, fear, suspicion, resentment, competition, lust, eating snacks and meat, and other human desires. During the test, they were exposed one after another, and I tried to eliminate them one by one.
I realized that sickness karma is a xinxing test. The sickness symptoms all target our xinxing. They tell us that certain attachments and human desires need to be eliminated, certain serious mistakes need to be corrected, some long-term bad thoughts need to be changed, or our cultivation state needs to improve.
The old forces always look for our loopholes. Master Li beat them at their game and used them so that we would improve on our cultivation path. It is important that we look inward. As soon as an attachment is found, we should eliminate it with righteous thoughts.
Facing tribulations, we should look inward and use the Fa to correct ourselves. The main attachment might be well-hidden and covered by layers of other attachments. When we get rid of the layers of attachments, the fundamental attachment can be found. We should not lose confidence if we do not find the main attachment right away.
During a tribulation, we should send righteous thoughts to eliminate interference. Meanwhile, we should never forget to truly look inward and improve our xinxing. Overcoming the tribulation itself is not the purpose of our cultivation. Tribulations are good opportunities to look inward and improve. When we get rid of human attachments and truly lift ourselves up, the tribulation will have no root and will disappear.
“Climbing in levels is what’s fundamental” (“True Character is Revealed,” Hong Yin Vol. II)
“Remove your human thoughtsand evil will naturally die out” (“Don’t Be Sad,” Hong Yin Vol. II)
Do not be afraid when you don't see the fundamental attachment right away. Some practitioners have completely righteous thoughts: “I will put down all human notions and give myself to Master.” They see the pain and suffering as part of the process of having our body cleansed. When one goes beyond life and death, there is no reason for the tribulation to continue. This, in fact, is a test to see how firmly we believe in Master and the Fa.
Do Not Let Human Notions Disturb Us
When overcoming sickness karma, human notions often keep us from looking inward. These notions are the “knowledge” we’ve acquired in life. For instance, knowledge of medicine, fitness, illness symptoms and treatments, etc. Often, when a part of the body hurts, our human thoughts immediately want to know what illness it is, what drugs are effective, and what one should pay attention to.
As a cultivator, we shall look at things from a point of cultivation and look within.
When I had the stomachache, one day I thought it was caused by what I just ate—“Was it the pork?” Another day I thought it must be the rice I’d just bought—“I thought it smelled strange.”
Evil elements try everything to stop us from thinking as a cultivator. They try everything to lead us to think like a human and to look outward. When those thoughts of using ordinary people's medical means appear, we should distinguish them and realize that they are from our notions. We should repel them, deny them, and clean them away.
Righteous Thoughts: Study the Fa When Facing a Sickness Karma Test
Our mental state in a tribulation is very important. If we are in despair and worried, it will be hard to keep our thoughts righteous.
When facing a tribulation, we are made to suffer physically and mentally and we become fearful and depressed. The negative thoughts make the physical pain much worse.
Several days before my stomach started to ache, in the sitting meditation, I suddenly thought, “Your human body is going to die.” I immediately repelled it, but I did not do it thoroughly. There was a trace of dark shadow left in my mind that made me fearful when I heard that a practitioner had passed away. When my stomach ached, some non-righteous thoughts appeared in my mind, such as what a stomachache meant. I even thought of death. These thoughts made me nervous and the pain intensified.
When I realized it was not Master’s arrangement, I repelled it with the Fa. I kept repeating to myself, “I'm Li Hongzhi's disciple, I don't want other arrangements or acknowledge them” (Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference)
I said: “My Master did not arrange for my body to die. Whoever tries to make my body die will be committing a serious crime. I am a Dafa disciple and I am a particle of the Fa. I am the sole hope for countless lives' survival. Only by keeping my human body can I save sentient beings and validate the Fa. If anyone persecutes me, he is persecuting Dafa and disturbing the Fa-rectification. It will not be allowed.”
I kept these thoughts and kept repeating Master's words. My fear of death disappeared.
I also understood that only by studying the Fa well can we maintain righteous belief and righteous thoughts, so we need to maintain a good mental state. During the tribulation, I continued to memorize the Fa. Although the pain did not stop when I recited the Fa, I felt at peace. Sometimes I felt my true self was surrounded by the Fa and was separated from the pain.
Regardless of the tribulation, we should always do the three things well. This is following and believing in Master. Master is always protecting us, enduring for us, and arranging the best for us. We can overcome any tribulation as long as we believe in Master.