Three Months to Eliminate Sexual Temptation
(Minghui.org) I experienced a tribulation regarding sexual temptation in early 2018. I'm writing about it here to assist fellow practitioners that may be struggling in a similar situation.
The company that I worked for was run by the government. The company had a regulation that the top leaders at all levels must be Chinese Communist Party (CCP) members, and the business leader must also be a Party secretary of the CCP.
The Fake Love Affair
There was a large scale restructuring of our company in March 2018. A male colleague was demoted because he refused to join the CCP, despite the fact that he had strong technical skills and excellent work performance.
This caused quite a stir in the company, and some people advised him to join the CCP to protect his position, but he refused.
This person knew that I practice Falun Dafa, and knew some truth about the CCP’s persecution of the practice.
I was moved by his strong willpower, and thought that maybe even some Dafa practitioners couldn’t persist in the face of such pressure and personal interest.
It was this thought that led to a tribulation that lasted for the next few months.
My thoughts became uncontrollable. I wanted to speak to him all the time, or give him a few flirtatious looks. I noticed something was wrong when sexual thoughts came up alongside other external thoughts.
I sent more righteous thoughts to eliminate the sexual thoughts, but felt that it didn’t help much. I told another practitioner about the problem I was having, and we sent righteous thoughts together to clean up my dimensional field.
Her celestial eye was open, and she saw that my entire dimensional field was dominated by that male colleague. My main consciousness was struggling to resist.
I clearly knew that these were not my thoughts, and rejected them. But the old forces kept pouring rotten things into my field to strengthen my love for my colleague; to make me think that I should be married to him.
She looked deeply into a past lifetime of mine and found that he and I had been lovers. Apparently, I had promised him that we would be husband and wife in the next life.
In the days that followed, I wanted to be with him more and more. I even had thoughts of divorcing my husband to be with him. The old forces strengthened my lustful thoughts, and even planned the details of our everyday life together.
After this male colleague was demoted, he only liked to talk to me because the others couldn't understand why he willingly lost his position. We enjoyed chatting, and he liked me a lot.
I felt that the matter had become very serious, and the mental pressure was great. The situation had seriously affected me, and I needed to reject thoughts about him all the time, which caused severe interruption to my life and cultivation.
For example, when I was talking with someone, a thought about him would appear in my mind. At that moment I rejected the thought, causing me to pause my conversation. It was the same with my Fa study and exercises.
I had to ask a fellow practitioner to send righteous thoughts for me, and I asked Master to strengthen me. But there still was not much change.
I lived separately from my husband, so most of the time I was alone when I was off work. That was the most scary time for me because the bad thoughts were more intense then. I felt that I could barely control myself and wanted to go along with the bad thoughts.
My main consciousness kept reminding me that I am a Dafa disciple, and that it was the old forces imposing these bad thoughts on me. I knew that it was not my true self.
The old forces used sexual temptation to persecute me so that I couldn't think about the Fa. I also lacked the concentration to look inward.
I also felt that I had symptoms of depression.
Aligning with the Fa
During that time, I was unable to read the Fa. In order to stop myself from going down the wrong path, I put on earphones to listen to Master’s Fa lectures.
I couldn’t stay at home alone, so I went to a park. I listened to the Fa while walking for about three to four hours, until I got tired. I listened to two or three Fa lectures in the park, before going home.
The situation then started to improve. The imposing thoughts were no longer so intense, and I could suppress them. I was able to search inward for the loophole that caused such a big tribulation.
I carefully looked inward to find my attachments, such as showing off, seeking comfort, fame, and other self-centered notions. The most serious one was that I liked to watch all kinds of news or short videos clips on my cell phone.
I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate these attachments, but I still couldn’t completely stop thinking about my colleague. A month later, I talked more with fellow practitioners, listened to articles on Minghui Radio regarding sexual desire, and read articles written by other practitioners.
I realized that I had been accepting the persecution by the old forces. My thinking was that my own bad thoughts were the reason for me being persecuted.
Only being persecuted to such an extent made me begin to search for my loophole.
“Negate them, completely negate everything of the old forces!” (“Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference”)
Now I have a deeper understanding of the Fa. I am a Dafa practitioner. I do not belong to any beings, including the old forces. I have a loophole and attachment, but that must not become an excuse for the old forces to persecute me.
As long as one is cultivating, one will surely have human notions. When I have a human notion, I should align myself with the Fa and completely deny the old forces' interference.
I started to look inward for my shortcomings only after the problem had taken root. The right way is to see clearly the root cause of one’s problem before the tribulation grows, and quickly remove it.
As for the wish I made in the previous life, it should not be used by the old forces. It was through this that I was able to connect with the male colleague in this life, and save him.
He showed me his love during the process. That was an illusion to lure a cultivator in to confusion.
After I figured it out, I studied the Fa and sent righteous thoughts more, and soon my dimensional field was quickly cleaned up. Occasionally, a bad thought drifted into my mind, but it was quickly wiped out.
When I now see this male colleague, I don't have any lustful feelings or thoughts. It's the same as seeing ordinary colleagues or friends.
This tribulation had lasted for about three months.
It wasn't easy to break through the tribulation. If it hadn't been for Master’s help and protection, I really don’t dare imagine what the result would have been.
The Lessons Learned
After this tribulation, I realized the following:
I really can’t play with things on my cell phone anymore. Many lustful scenes and pictures appeared when I watched these things. Then, more demon nature poured into my dimensional field from ordinary people’s websites.
When encountering tribulations, even if I can’t think of Master’s specific Fa on the issue, I should know that I am a Dafa disciple, and must ask Master to strengthen me. If I am unable to take the Fa to heart, I should listen to and study the Fa more and repeatedly, until I can do it.
I realize that this is a battle between good and evil; a process in which when one side grows, the other side shrinks spontaneously. If I am controlled by a thought to not study the Fa, that is admitting the old forces’ arrangement.
Fellow practitioners should help other practitioners who are stuck in tribulations, and send righteous thoughts to clear his or her field. That will weaken the persecution by bad beings, reduce the pressure and help strengthen that practitioner’s righteous thoughts.
We are Dafa disciples, who will surely have shortcomings and human notions. But none of that can be allowed to become excuses for the old forces to persecute us.
We must always pay attention to our each and every thought, and check whether it meets the Fa's standard or not; and correct ourselves once problems occur.
I am thankful for Master’s compassionate protection! I thank fellow practitioners for their care and help!
Please point out anything improper in my understanding.