The Epidemic Exposed My Attachment to Showing Off
(Minghui.org) After I began practicing Falun Dafa I became very healthy. Whenever I had illness symptoms, they would disappear after I looked inward and identified my attachments.
When the coronavirus outbreak started people began scrambling to purchase basic necessities. I said that since I was the only practitioner in the family I would go to the market as the virus would not affect me. My office is located near the market. Because the Chinese New Year holiday was extended I was alone in the office; it was more convenient for me to go there and prepare truth clarification materials. So, I went to my office every day, then headed to the market to purchase food and supplies.
When I went to my office a few days ago I started feeling weak. The closer I got to the office, the weaker I felt. It was as though a force was stopping me from going there to write truth clarifying materials to save people. I felt that something wasn't right. After I returned home I developed a slight fever.
The epidemic had escalated in our city and the streets were empty. Apart from going to the supermarket, I didn't interact with anyone at the office or on the streets. At that moment the media reported that people in my area were confirmed to have contracted the virus and that my neighborhood was declared an epidemic area. Furthermore, wearing masks would not protect one from contracting the virus.
I thought since the nearby districts' residents all went to the same supermarket, had I interacted with infected people? Just then, someone sent a message that the local hospital also had confirmed cases. I realized that I had all the coronavirus symptoms: Fever, coughing, feeling weak, tired, headache, sore muscles, etc. I reminded myself that I was a practitioner so I wasn't worried.
I felt there were other reasons I had illness symptoms - perhaps the old forces were trying to stop me from doing truth clarification. If I didn't have any loopholes, however, how could the old forces interfere with me?
Identifying My Hidden Attachment
I looked inward and realized that I had a very big attachment to showing off. I kept telling my family members that I would never be ill since I'm a practitioner. Wasn't I telling them that I was better than them? Every day, I went off to shop for the family like I was some kind of hero. Wasn't this a huge attachment to showing off?
That afternoon, one of my family members told me that a manager from her company went to the hospital for a checkup and died.
That night I helped a new practitioner go online to view Minghui.org. My symptoms had gotten so bad that I couldn't speak; I could only communicate by writing things down. I woke up in the middle of the night with a high fever, but my entire body felt cold. I drifted in and out of sleep. I wasn't worried about myself. Instead I kept thinking about the friends I hadn't clarified the truth to. I felt we were running out of time and I was worried. I finally got up around 4 a.m.
My throat hurt so badly that I had trouble swallowing water. When I looked in the mirror my throat was covered in white, mushy pustules. I searched online and found it was a virus symptom. I had difficulty breathing and began to hyperventilate. When I took my temperature, it was 101 (38.5 Celsius).
I realized that I thought I was “sick” and forgot to view my situation on the basis of the Fa, so I got worse.
After I started to send forth righteous thoughts, my throat eased a lot. But it hurt so much I couldn't eat or drink anything. I kept reminding myself that I'm a Falun Dafa practitioner so I repeatedly said, “I'm Master's disciple! I need to go out and save sentient beings.” I forced myself to eat something. I started to sweat and I felt that a lot of my karma had been eliminated.
I stopped thinking that I was “sick”, instead I thought about how to use this epidemic to save people. That night, my coughing was not as painful and the amount of phlegm was reduced. On the third day, I could talk and the fever subsided.
On the fourth day, my temperature was back to normal, the phlegm was gone, my throat was fine and I felt energetic. When grandma, who is in charge of cooking our meals, saw that I could eat again, she smiled and she couldn't believe that I recovered so quickly.
Maybe there are other deeper reasons I experienced this. If I examined myself for my loopholes it was because I had a very strong attachment to showing off. I kept bragging that I could not get sick and that no illness could harm me! Wasn't this a very strong attachment?
When I thought about my truth-clarification efforts online recently, I realized that I was showing off. For example, when I forwarded videos or information that was censored by the regime, I had an attachment to showing off: “I know more than you.” My motive wasn't to save people.
If it wasn't for my diligent Fa study which helped to firm up my righteous thoughts, there's a good possibility that my situation could have gotten worse.
I just wanted to tell you my experiences so you won't repeat my mistakes. These are my understandings at my limited level. Heshi.