(Minghui.org) Esteemed Master and fellow practitioners:
I began to practice Falun Dafa in September 2019. I had problems not only physically but also mentally. My friend recommended that I read Zhuan Falun, a suggestion I had rejected a year earlier, as I was practicing another qigong. However, I sensed her kindness and decided to read Zhuan Falun the next day.
Even though I could not understand much at the outset, given my strong attachments, I felt after reading the first two pages that this was no ordinary book. My eyes were filled with tears as I read, but I could not understand why.
Master Helped Me Let Go of My Attachment to Illness
I had an infection that spread even after five antibiotic therapies. Once I decided to practice Falun Dafa, my illness symptoms began to disappear within a few weeks. Although I experienced significant physical improvement, I could not immediately let go of my attachment to fear of illness. I was deeply disturbed by thought karma and human emotions.
My thoughts became more complicated, and I developed a new fear—that of being unable to let go of fear. Whenever I thought that my illness symptoms were gone, the symptoms returned. My mind was fixated on every little physical reaction. I noticed that other practitioners, whom I thought needed less cleansing, weren’t as uncomfortable and recovered much faster than I, and I was envious. I realized that I wanted to learn Dafa to recover from illnesses—an attitude I had to give up. What I received was much more valuable than a healthy body.
Master said, “Whatever you experience during your cultivation--whether good or bad--is good, for it comes about only because you are cultivating.” (To the Chicago Fa Conference)
During the cleansing process, I felt much bitterness and that I was trapped in a thick fog. I developed the illusion that no matter how much I tried to get rid of bad thoughts and human attachments, I could not move even one step forward. I memorized some poems from Hong Yin and recited them over and over again. Over time I developed a different view of suffering and kept reminding my self of what Master said: “Let joy be found in hardship.” (“Tempering the Will,” Hong Yin)
Master helped me remove my fear of illness layer by layer, and my illness symptoms also disappeared.
Denying the Old Forces’ Arrangements
After reading Zhuan Falun from beginning to the end, I started reading fellow practitioners’ experience sharing articles and Essentials for Further Advancement II. However, I could not yet fully understand the significance of the Fa-rectification and the need to awaken people’s consciences.
Instead, I developed a fear of the old forces. I did not yet understand the meaning of “denying the old forces’ arrangements.” On the surface, I kept telling myself that I did not acknowledge the existence of the old forces. However, I said this only because of my fear. My desperate efforts to cultivate were constantly undermined by my fear. I was afraid that the old forces would exploit my many loopholes and harm me.
Very often my mind kept telling me to give up Falun Dafa. My heart ached and my eyes were filled with tears. I did not want to stop following the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance. Nor did I want to stop doing the exercises or studying the Fa. No matter what substances were bent on stopping me from cultivating, as long as I persisted and held righteous thoughts, the old forces could not stop me—even if I had to cultivate away many shortcomings. In retrospect, I realized that Master was always next to me and helping me overcome this difficult initial phase of my cultivation.
Going to Extremes
Clarifying the truth about Dafa and the persecution were quite difficult for me to do. Especially when doing it in person.
Given a lack of understanding of the Fa, I sometimes went to extremes without realizing it. When I told my cousin about Falun Dafa, we got into a discussion. She wanted to become a better person. I was impatient but wanted to convince her that Falun Dafa could change one’s morals and behavior. However, given my attachment to knowing better, I criticized the religion she practiced.
I had an attachment to time, which made me impatient. I was worried that I wouldn’t have enough time to awaken the consciences of people who had a predestined relationship with me.
At times I told myself to eliminate my craving for recognition by not caring what others thought of me. For example, a friend told me that when I told her about Falun Dafa, she started to worry about me. It appeared to her that nothing in this world interested me any longer.
Master said,
“If while among everyday people others consider you infatuated, they will not deal with you and will keep a distance from you. Nobody will provide you with opportunities to improve xinxing, and neither treat you as a normal person—I would say that this is not right!” (Lecture Eight, Zhuan Falun)
Master’s seriousness on this topic helped me understand that I had the attachment to ego. I had to get rid of it.
Every time I read the section on infatuation in Zhuan Falun,I didn't think that it had anything to do with me. After Master kept hinting, I recognized my tendency to exaggerate and worried that many of my sentient beings had lost the opportunity to obtain the Fa. Once I realized that I deeply regretted my words. How can people recognize that Falun Dafa is good when I, as a practitioner, behave so irrationally and to the extreme? Recognizing my scornful behavior strengthened my determination to cultivate my mouth even more so.
I finally understood that validating the Fa is not just doing well on projects or clarifying the facts. It encompasses every second of my attitude towards Falun Dafa and everything I do. If I always follow Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance, be it out in the streets, at work, or at home, I will validate the Fa. This is how people can see that Falun Dafa is good.
Overcoming Resistance
When clarifying the truth, I am often troubled by substances that hold me back or make me nervous. Sometimes people react unkindly, refuse to accept a brochure, or scold me. I was disappointed that I could not remain calm. When I looked inward, I realized that when I clarified the truth about Falun Dafa I was governed by my ego. My ego wanted to act well because it expected to receive virtue. I became complacent when I did well, and anxious when I lost face. I felt uncomfortable and ashamed.
I obtained the Fa because Master wants to awaken the conscience of all sentient beings unconditionally and with the greatest compassion. Thanks to the efforts of fellow practitioners tirelessly clarifying the facts about Falun Dafa, the persecution, and the Fa, I could become a cultivator. How can I let my ego interfere with my truth-clarification?
When I had another opportunity to attend a rally, I was determined to let go of my ego and just think, “I want to awaken the consciences of these people.” That day I met many people who listened to me. A drunk approached me and asked if he could get rid of his addiction to alcohol if he practiced Falun Dafa. I gave him a brochure and suggested that he recite, “Falun Dafa is good. Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.” He saw me again later and said, “ I still remember – Kindness is good.” I got a deeper understanding of what kindness means – being detached from self-interest.
There are no words big enough to express my gratitude to Master.
Thank you, revered Master, for your help and compassionate support. Thank you, fellow practitioners.
(Presented at the 2020 Swiss Fa Conference)
German version: https://de.minghui.org/html/articles/2020/10/20/149416.html
