My Understanding of Our Tone of Voice, Kindheartedness, and Reasoning

(Minghui.org) Recently while studying the Fa, I read Master's teaching, “While working, your tone of voice, your kindheartedness, and your reasoning can change a person’s heart, whereas commands never could!” (“Clearheadedness,” Essentials for Further Advancement)

The Fa-rectification is progressing rapidly. If fellow practitioners better collaborate with each other, then we can help Master to rectify the Fa better and save more people. I have been thinking about how I can have a more peaceful tone of voice and a kind heart. How can my thoughts be guided by the principles of the Fa that Master taught rather than human notions?

Once during a conversation with my wife who is also a practitioner, I found that my tone was unpleasant; I was not kind enough and I failed to communicate clearly. I should look inward, because I found this is not merely a problem of how to talk to others; it reflects my cultivation state. 

Tone of voice

I realized that, because of my impatience, my tone is not nice. Why am I impatient? I found that it was because I pursue results. If the outcome of the conversation didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, I would be impatient. What was I really after? When I’m talking with people I have the notion that the other person should think this way or do something in a certain way. If their way did not meet my standard, I would become impatient and my tone of voice would be harsh. When I feel that I am being wronged, I use a harsh tone.

Moreover, I have sentimentality towards my wife. I often had the thought that she is my wife, so my harsh tone would not seriously impact her. Thinking this way lowered my xinxing without my realizing it. I should talk to everyone in the same manner whether they cultivate or not.

I also gave some thought to another issue: what is the self? My current understanding is that everybody has his or her own understandings and opinions. This is normal. But when you impose your understandings and opinions on others and force them to think the same way you do, then you are being controlled by selfishness. Actually, this is not our true self; it is something bad that comes from sentimentality. 

I remember one time when I was being controlled by selfishness during a conversation, thinking, I am talking, so you must listen; If you don't listen, I will be unhappy. I am talking, so you must listen and you must understand. If you don't understand, I will also be unhappy. When I behaved selfishly like this, my tone would not be nice. 

So, how can I control my tone of voice? My current understanding is that when we are talking about a problem we see in another practitioner, we should cultivate our speech and look inward. We should first see if we have the same problem. We must treat ourselves as practitioners so our tone is peaceful. 

Master told us, “Doing, but without pursuit.” (“Abiding in the Dao,” Hong Yin, Translation Version A). Following Master's teaching, we should try to kindly remind practitioners with the motivation of helping them. Also, we should remember that our thoughts come from our understanding of the Fa at our current level; people at different levels have different understandings. Maybe my level is actually lower than the fellow practitioner’s, so I don't understand their views or opinions. 

Master said, “The paths of cultivation are varied; But none is outside the Great Law” (“Unimpeded,” Hong Yin, Vol. II, Translation Version A). Walking on different paths of cultivation, practitioners will manifest different cultivation states. It is impossible for everybody to behave and think exactly the same. Forcing other people to have the same views and opinions as myself does not conform to the Fa. 

A fellow practitioner made an analogy: practitioners cultivating on the eighth floor would think people on the fourth floor do things that do not conform to the Fa at higher levels; however, the people on the fourth floor would also see the standards of the eighth floor as wrong. We don't know which floor we are on, but what we can be certain of is that it does not conform to the Fa if a cultivator insists that his understanding must be right and others must be wrong. If we understand this, our tone of voice may become more peaceful.

Kindheartedness

If we judge things with selfishness—I am happy if your way conforms to my notions and understanding, and vice versa, then other people will not sense our kindheartedness. When I talk to my mother (who is also a practitioner), I often feel happy because her thoughts agree with mine; not because she has a deeper understanding of the Fa or that she has done better in cultivation and validating the Fa. The basis of my sharing was not for my mother’s benefit, so my kindheartedness couldn’t be seen.

A fellow practitioner said, “When some practitioners discipline their children, it doesn’t look kind to onlookers. Sometimes, other people cannot even see that practitioners are trying to help their children. What other people feel is that the parents are expressing their anger and are blaming their children for not doing as well as other children. They don't calmly help their children to see the reasons for their mistakes, and fail to offer rational help as an adult and a practitioner; other people cannot see their kindheartedness.” My understanding is that this behavior does not align with Master's teachings.

We are beings that cultivate in Dafa and we will be lords and kings in the future. Master told us, “Compassion is the Divine's eternal state.” (“Why do you reject it?” Hong Yin, Vol. III) The compassion that Master referred to, in my understanding, is the result of gradually cultivating away selfishness. When talking to others, we should consider others—can he understand and accept what I’m saying? Is he under a lot of pressure? Are my words on the Fa and helpful to others? Do my words bring about a positive impact in helping Master to save people? We should not always think abouthow the conversation would benefit ourselves. 

If we keep thinking of others, we will gradually develop kindheartedness. Other people will sense it in our words. So, isn't genuine compassion a natural manifestation of a high-level cultivation state?

Reasoning

When pointing out other practitioners’ shortcomings, we should try to get rid of our human notions and think of Master's teachings. Of course, we should not use the Fa to trap practitioners in a corner. We should measure our own thoughts and actions against the Fa and discuss how we can improve together based on the Fa.

We can discuss with fellow practitioners how to measure ourselves against the Fa and how to see our hidden problems clearly. We can remind fellow practitioners to calmly look at their human attachments. We can mention that attachments bring about desires of fame, money, and sentimentality. We can remind them that attachments will hinder our cultivation and prevent us from fulfilling our mission to save people and validate the Fa. I believe that when a practitioner sees things clearly, he will follow the high-level standard, actively correct himself, endure hardship and improve.

Let me describe how I talked with a practitioner who was dealing with the attachment of jealousy.

We can try to tell practitioners: when you don't feel comfortable and get jealous of others, see if you are in the state Master described in Zhuan Falun, “...if someone is doing well, instead of feeling happy for him or her, people’s minds will feel uneasy.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun) If so, you are probably jealous of others. So, what can you do now? You should try to find its root and see how it’s harmful so you take it seriously.

From the Fa, we know that one of the origins of jealousy is “the absolute egalitarianism that was once practiced.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun) We should look within and see if we have the deep-seated idea that everyone’s life should have the same trajectory. We should not be jealous when we see that other people have better xinxing, more money, power and a better family. Master has clearly explained karmic relationships in the Fa. When we feel uneasy, isn't it because we didn’t take his teachings to heart or don’t fully believe them? 

We should also check if jealousy has played a role without our being aware of it. We can ask fellow practitioners if they have seen the manifestation of jealousy in us. Repeatedly doing this, we may see the jealousy better and better, and when it jumps out again to interfere with our righteous thoughts, we may be able to catch it more quickly and not be controlled by it.

When we understand the serious negative consequences of jealousy, we will solidify our determination to get rid of it.

We can get rid of other notions and attachments by measuring ourselves against the Fa. Here is an analogy: if somebody tells us there is a water pit in front of us full of filthy water, if we hear it and understand it, we won’t step into the pit. This spontaneously comes from our own hearts. Nobody has to force us and we don't do it for other people to see. This is a normal reaction to protect our own purity when we know the truth. It is rational and natural. Solidly cultivating is the same.

When trying to get rid of human notions and attachments, we must endure hardship. Some fellow practitioners expressed that sometimes they are not willing to endure hardship. We can use the analogy of the water pit. When jumping over or going around the pit, one must expend more energy. So, in genuine cultivation one must endure hardship. Knowing the truth and being blessed is not only limited to everyday people's knowing the truth of the persecution. It also refers to practitioners knowing the truth of the universe, which will encourage us to solidly cultivate and improve our ability to endure hardships.

If we truly understand the Fa and follow Dafa’s teachings, we will cultivate well. This is the amazing and omnipotent power of Dafa.