Facing and Overcoming My Deeply Rooted Attachments
(Minghui.org) I am over 80 years old and have practiced Falun Dafa for 20 years. After I started practicing, all my illnesses were healed and I regained my health. For two and a half years, however, I experienced severe illness tribulations, which I barely passed. I would like to share my story.
Overcoming an Ongoing Sickness Tribulation
Beginning in March 2016, I passed large amounts of blood in my urine for 10 days. If this had happened to an average person, he or she would have gone to a hospital for blood transfusions. For me, except for urinating blood, everything else was normal, and I still did the three things asked of practitioners. Then, for the next two plus years, although I continued to have blood in my urine, I did not experience much discomfort.
By August 2018, however, I began to pass large amounts of menstrual blood for a total of 82 days. For the prior two years, I had just passed blood in my urine. This time, it was excess menstrual blood. I felt fatigued and dizzy.
Master Li said,
“… older women are likely to get their period back, because a practice that cultivates both your nature and longevity needs to have the qi of essence and blood to cultivate longevity. They’ll get their period, but it won’t be heavy. They’ll have just a little bit at this stage, only the amount that’s needed.” (The First Talk, Zhuan Falun)
In my case, it was a large amount of blood and not a normal menstrual period. After the menstrual blood flow stopped, I always felt the urge to urinate but could not. A handful of small, black stones came out instead. I was shocked, wondering how I could have so many stones in my body! I continued to urinate blood and pass stones for two months. The pain was unbearable. I could hardly eat or sleep, and I could not sit normally. I often recited the following passage:
“It’s hard to endure, but you can endure it. It’s hard to do, but you can do it” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun).
I also sent forth righteous thoughts more, and I looked inside to improve my character.
During that time, my anus bled for five days. Since childhood, frequent constipation often tortured me. But after I practiced Falun Dafa, my bowel habits were normal.
I also experienced urinary incontinence. I was very upset and wondered, “Why do I produce so much urine? Or am I being cleansed?” I started to worry about whether I would be able to attend the group Fa study and be able to clarify the truth about Dafa to the public.
I began wondering whether I could live a normal life. It was Master's Fa teachings that helped me out of this painful tribulation.
I kept studying and memorizing the Fa, doing the exercises, and doing the three things to help save people. I was seriously looking inward; I knew that cultivating well to improve my character was not just idle words—it was a guarantee for successfully passing such a test.
There have been many cases of elderly practitioners telling family members about their symptoms of “illnesses” and then their relatives forcing them to take medicine and/ or be examined and treated at a hospital. Some in those situations died.
My daughter is a doctor. Whenever she brought me food and asked about my health, I always responded, “Good, no problem!” to make sure there would be no interference. I think this is an important factor for successfully overcoming such tribulations.
Back in 2016, after the 10 days of passing a lot of blood in my urine, I decided to increase my exercise time and also look inward to improve my xinxing. I practiced the sitting meditation in the morning after sending forth righteous thoughts, and then I did the five exercises as usual. So I did the exercises for three hours every day.
A month later, I felt something fall off my body when I was doing the sitting meditation. After that, as soon as I crossed my legs, I was able to quiet down, and all my negative thoughts went away. That miraculous feeling is deeply etched in my mind!
Dafa is miraculous and Master is always beside me. I have knelt down in front of Master's picture and asked for his help when I needed to go out during especially difficult times. I was then basically back to normal and had no need to run to the toilet. After I got home, I resumed eliminating karma. It was miraculous!
Destroying Communist Party Books and Papers
This karmic tribulation attacked me so severely that I wondered what large loophole I had in my cultivation. I removed WeChat, which I’d used in the past to communicate with relatives. But nothing changed. Master then gave me a hint that I still had Communist Party leaders' books.
I had given a full set of Party leader hardcovers to my husband as a gift dozens of years ago. He still had them in a high place on our big bookshelf. But he would not let me destroy them. I realized that this was a large loophole.
A fellow practitioner reminded me that, as a Dafa practitioner, I needed to make the decision. I took down the 20 plus books from the bookshelf and tore out a few pages from each one. My husband saw that every book was damaged when he came home from work and silently accepted it.
In addition, I burned the introduction letter that I’d received when I joined the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), my “Outstanding city Party member” certificate, and four copies of the “excellent Party member” certificates issued by the government department where I worked. My urinary incontinence immediately disappeared after I destroyed all these CCP materials. That was truly amazing!
Through this lesson, I deeply understood that cultivation is serious! I suggest that all practitioners who have worked for the Chinese government completely destroy all Party writings and objects to eliminate this unnecessary interference.
Eliminating My Attachment to Illness
I thought that I didn't have an attachment to illness when I urinated blood on and off for two years. I was not initially worried but became tortured by the pain because an attachment to illness was lingering in my mind. It was Master's Fa that made me realize that this was not an “illness” but was a process of eliminating karma. My mind then gradually became stable while I was experiencing the tribulation.
“When I begin to truly take you higher, and begin to cleanse your body, blood clots, waste blood, and bad things from before are expelled. But right away you take it to mean your body has problems. You aren’t able to keep steadfast, righteous thoughts, not believing that it is Master cleansing you during cultivation. Cultivation is such a solemn matter, and yet you take it to be illness.” (Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference in Australia)
“When you can’t understand these from the standpoint of the Fa, then this process in which your body gets cleansed is drawn out, and it doesn’t go away for a long time, lingering on for several months. Then your thoughts get even less steady, and the ordeal seems greater as more time goes by, and it’s even harder to pass. You think, “Why has it lasted such a long time, and still can’t be passed?” The thoughts begin to waver: “Is this cultivation way not effective? Is Teacher not taking care of me? What’s going on?” It has already affected your health. On this issue you haven’t viewed yourself as a cultivator.” (Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference in Australia)
This passage of Master's Fa made me feel ashamed of myself! Wasn't Master removing waste blood and clearing out bad stuff for me? Master takes care of Dafa disciples with infinite compassion, and he has enabled me to live to this day!
Master's Fa principles helped me to understand that the process of dissolving karma may be repeated. So one needs to breakthrough this process with righteous thoughts. We don't know how much debt we've built up over our many lives; how can we not repay the debt to eliminate it? After I knew this was eliminating karma, I was in a steady state of mind.
Strengthening My Faith to Become a Diligent Dafa Disciple
Master has also said, again, on the topic of illness:
“Only when you really study and absorb Dafa do you really “have Dafa.” If you have truly followed it and worked on yourself, and become a sincere disciple, then you really do “have Dafa” and have nothing to fear.” (“2018 Fa Teaching Given in Washington, D.C.”)
“But I would like you to know one thing: now that you have Dafa with you, you have gained the Fa, and your life belongs to the Great Way, so you should forge ahead without any doubt, with righteous thoughts and actions, and do things as I have taught you.” (“2018 Fa Teaching Given in Washington, D.C.”)
Learning this Fa enabled me to feel confident and know that, with Dafa, there's nothing I am afraid of. I am worry-free as long as I maintain righteous thoughts.
Just having this thought, however, is not enough if one has not reached a higher realm of understanding. I still have a lot of shortcomings and gaps. So I need to study the Fa, do the exercises better, and cultivate diligently to help save more sentient beings!