Letting Go of Resentment to Overcome a Sickness Tribulation
(Minghui.org) Master said,
“For example, if a bottle filled with dirty things is sealed tightly and thrown into water, it will sink all the way to the bottom. You pour out some of its dirty contents. The more you empty the bottle, the higher it will float in the water. If it is emptied entirely, it will float on the surface completely.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I have understood this passage of the Fa better and deeper when I looked inside, let go of my resentment, and overcame my tribulation.
One day in 2014, I was taken to a hospital because I had vomited so much blood that I was close to falling into a coma. I was also full of anxiety and fear.
In the afternoon, my daughter came to the hospital. When she saw me, she said, “Mom, listen to Master's lectures.”
I was shocked. In the past, when she had repeatedly reminded me to study the Fa, I always used work as an excuse. I would say to her, “I am too busy.”
I thought Master was borrowing my daughter's mouth to tell me to study the Fa and fight this tribulation with righteous thoughts. I felt regretful and sad because I had not lived up to Master's expectation and compassion.
That night, Master performed ritual anointment (guanding) on me. Then, about two weeks later, I left the hospital and went back home.
Upon arriving home, I could eat and drink normally, and everything else was fine with the exception that I still didn’t have much strength.
After returning home, my brother told me that my "serious illness" was medically called "hepatic cirrhosis: massive hemorrhage caused by splenomegaly." He said that he would take me to Qingdao Hospital for a medical examination in a few days.
Although I went back to Dafa cultivation, I did not know how to react based on the Fa when encountering problems, let alone how to treat my “sickness” with righteous thoughts.
Therefore, I agreed to go to the hospital in Qingdao with my brother. Upon arrival, I was hospitalized without a reservation.
I heard that the hospital was very popular, as it was hard to be hospitalized without a reservation. But at that time, I mistook it as Master's arrangement.
Now when I think about it, I feel embarrassment and shame. The longer I stayed in the hospital, the less I could eat, and the less energy I had. I wondered what was happening, as I felt that I was much better off when I was at home.
Then I gradually looked at it from the Fa’s point of view and suddenly realized that Master would not arrange for a disciple to go to the hospital. As a Dafa disciple, I had no illnesses. I realized this was the old forces’ arrangement.
After the examination, the doctor asked me to have surgery, but I refused. The doctor then tried to convince my family members. In order not to make my family upset and worried, I agreed to accept a simple surgery called “ligation of bleeding point” so I could be discharged from the hospital as soon as possible.
The night before the surgery, my daughter called me and said that she didn’t do well in her exam. This touched on my attachment to fame.
I was afraid of being looked down on and wanted my daughter to stand out among her peers. I kept nagging her and had all kinds of negative thoughts.
I felt wronged and became more and more angry. Suddenly, I felt weak all over and fell on the bed. Instantly, I couldn’t move at all. My body went rigid, but I was still conscious, and my mind was clear.
My elder sister held my hands crying. She kept reading in my ear, “Falun Dafa is good. Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good!”
I tried to comfort her and said to her in a weak voice, “I am fine. I have Master; Master will save me.” She nodded, in tears.
Later she told me that at that time I was cold all over, and even my stomach was cold.
Master Protects Me
I knew clearly that Master was always by my side and helping me, even though I still did not know how to look inside and cultivate myself.
I repeatedly read,
Cause and Effect
It’s not the path of cultivation that is hardThe karma lifetime after lifetime blocks the wayDetermined to remove karma, cultivate xinxingForever gain a human body—that is Buddhahood”(Hong Yin, Translation Version C)
I kept thinking to myself, “I am Master’s disciple. Master lifted me out of hell. My name is no longer on hell's register. Master, please save me!”
In a short while, the inexpressible coldness deep in my bones came out from my whole body to the top of my head. Master had saved me again!
I couldn't see it, but I felt it. The right side of my stomach seemed to have been moved a little, and then dropped into place again.
I felt very comfortable. I realized that Master had helped me remove the cause of the sickness.
I didn't know how much time had passed, but after I took a deep breath, all the symptoms disappeared, as if nothing had happened. My sister also witnessed the miracle that Dafa had displayed upon me.
"Thank you, Master of Dafa!" she said excitedly. The surgery went smoothly the next day, and I was discharged soon after.
I joined my study group after I got home from the hospital, as I wanted to seize the time to study the Fa.
However, my demon nature was still strong when conflicts arose. I only saw the negative side of others, and I had attachments to resentment, jealousy, anger, etc. I thought I was perfect and did not accept any criticism. I was attached to self.
As a result, my demon nature erupted like a volcano, and I conducted myself even worse than an ordinary person in the face of conflict. I didn’t pass the first test, and soon, the second one came. More and more tests accumulated, and it was impossible for me to pass them.
In the end, I fell seriously ill. My belly was swollen, I had ascites, and it became worse day by day. My legs began to swell too. I was very afraid. As a result, I could not go to the study group.
Then, Master helped me clean out my internal organs. I vomited one mouthful of blood after another, and my stool was full of pus. My physical condition got worse and worse, and my will was weakening. My body was swollen from my toes to my armpits. I couldn't stand up or get out of bed.
My mother had to take care of me. I had difficulty moving, and when I moved, I couldn't breathe. I stayed in bed but couldn't lie down or sleep because I couldn't breathe when I lay down. It was a luxury if I could sleep for ten minutes in a twenty-four hour period.
I didn't know how many days and nights passed like that. I was only skin and bones by this point, and my face was gray.
However, the only thing I wanted to do was to listen to Master’s lectures because I knew that I would die without the Fa. At that time, I handed over my life and death to Master, and I firmly believed that Master would save me!
The Fa Opens My Heart and Disintegrates My Resentment
Master arranged a practitioner who was my previous colleague to help me improve when she saw that it was hard for me to break through my difficult situation. The practitioner asked me something about my ex-husband the first time she came to visit me.
I didn't think I had a problem with my ex-husband, so, I rejected it.
I said, “So many years have passed, and I've let go of it. I don't want to think about those things anymore. Besides, it all happened years ago, and it is not related to my current cultivation.”
I was competitive and aggressive, always wanted to have the final say, and wanted to control everything when I was with my ex-husband. I wanted my ex-husband to follow my every instruction.
I argued with him almost every day because he listened to his mother and not me. In the end, I chose to divorce him.
I took my daughter with me without much money. He threatened not to support us financially and said that he wanted to see how I could survive.
Life was hard at the beginning of the divorce, but things were turning around for the better before the sudden illness.
Indignation filled my heart. Every day I was filled with so much grievance and indignation that it reached the limit of my body and mind.
These feelings took their toll on my health. Therefore, I spoke impatiently when she asked me about my ex-husband.
However, she didn’t give up and asked me softly, “Have you really let it go?” I answered with resentment in my tone, “Yes, I have let it all go.”
She said, “If you have let go of it, you can't even think of it. The substances of resentment should not exist in your field at all.”
She went on to say, “You have to reject and eliminate all bad thoughts about him with righteous thoughts." She gradually helped untie the knot in my heart with Master's Fa.
My selfishness and bad thoughts were exposed with that practitioner's help. With Master’s strengthening, I finally learned how to look inward with righteous thoughts. Every time I looked inward and found an attachment, I sent forth righteous thoughts to disintegrate it.
In the process of disintegrating the bad substances, I suffered a lot. My belly hurt, especially the part close to my heart, like something was pressed on it so that I could hardly breathe. My mother was distressed and scared, and her eyes kept welling up with tears.
The practitioner comforted us and said firmly, “Don’t be afraid. Master is here with us. Let’s ask Master to help.” After a while, all the symptoms gradually disappeared, and I felt relaxed and comfortable with my belly.
The whole process lasted about half an hour, but I was not afraid at all. Instead, I was happy because Master said,
“When you feel very uncomfortable, it indicates that things will turn around after reaching the extreme point. Your whole body will be purified and it must be completely purified. The cause of your illness has been removed, and what remains is only this bit of black qi that will come out on its own to let you suffer some and have some pain. It is forbidden for you not to suffer even a little bit.” (Lecture Two, Zhuan Falun)
I remember once how practitioners helped me look inward after the group study. I realized that I still held resentment towards my ex-husband. When they mentioned him, I felt a rock in my heart, thick and hard. It firmly pressed into my heart. It took me a long time to breathe smoothly again, and it was so painful that I rolled all over my bed after I got home. It lasted more than 20 minutes before going away.
In the end, Master helped me remove the hard and bad things in my heart. In this way, practitioners constantly helped me look inside myself and pointed out my attachments.
I instantly found out how this attachment manifested in me and then sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it. Every time I found an attachment, Master would help me get rid of it.
“Our practice has a focus and truly points out those attachments. By abandoning them, one will make very rapid progress in cultivation.” (Lecture Five, Zhuan Falun)
My health got better and better when I looked inside and cultivated myself. My xinxing was really improving, too.
I usually paid attention to each and every thought of mine and compared it with the Fa to see if it was up to par. I would eliminate it if it was a human notion or attachment.
Of course, sometimes I was not careful and let bad thoughts slip away. My health would then show it instantly, and I knew that there must be a loophole in my cultivation. I would immediately look inside myself and my thoughts, and my health would go back to normal when I found the attachment.
I changed my mind and no longer resented my ex-husband. I sent a text message to apologize to him, saying that I was too strong-willed, aggressive, and manipulative, which had caused him to suffer for so many years.
He replied, “All in the past. I was not good either and made your life hard for those years.” Although he didn't say much, I felt that he had also changed.
In the past, he didn’t want to give any money to our daughter, but now he covers all her expenses. He even gives me some pocket money sometimes.
My family, especially my older sister and my father, changed from first rejecting Dafa to now supporting it. They sometimes help me clarify the truth to people and help them quit the CCP when they come to visit.
I am grateful that I was fortunate enough to have obtained this most precious Dafa. I am also grateful to have great, compassionate Master and to have become a Dafa disciple of the Fa-rectification period—how glorious!
Although I have not cultivated myself well for so many years, compassionate Master did not give up on me! Fellow practitioners, let’s cherish this invaluable opportunity and do the three things well.