Looking Within After Studying “Fa Teaching at the 2019 New York Fa Conference”
(Minghui.org) Both my wife and I practice Falun Dafa. We collaborate well on Dafa related projects, but we frequently have some conflicts and quarrel a lot over small things. A seemingly small, ordinary thing could trigger a disagreement between us that may last a long time.
For example, when my wife pointed out my problem or error, I responded, “Why do you have such a short temper? Is that worth it? I have tried to improve myself. Don’t you see it?” Sometimes, I remained silent, which didn’t mean I was wrong, rather that I was not convinced.
When I calmed down, I felt that what I was doing wasn’t right: I could not accept any criticism. I wanted to get rid of this attachment; however, it came and went. I couldn't understand why it was so difficult for me to let go of this attachment.
After studying Master's lecture, “Fa Teaching at the 2019 New York Fa Conference,” I finally realized that I had never really looked inward unconditionally. Whenever there was a conflict, I automatically always thought about what the other person was doing wrong and complained to that person. I also focused on who was right and who was wrong. Although I practice Dafa, I don’t really treat myself as a cultivator, and I still have the heart of an ordinary person.
During the past few years, I worked as a manager and was responsible for checking other people's work. I rarely heard any criticism or accusation about myself from others. Moreover, with influence from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) indoctrination, I unknowingly adopted bad human notions and attachments.
I could not bear to hear or accept any criticism and would react suddenly. I have attachments to saving face and rejecting criticism. Working in my industry for many years and competing with other companies all the time, I developed a competitive mentality and a sense of jealousy. I was not happy when I saw that someone was doing well. I always looked for other people's shortcomings. Therefore, when my wife pointed out my problem, I would fight back and point out her problem.
I also found that I wasn’t strict with myself. I always thought that doing trivial things wouldn’t be a big deal for me, because I could handle more important things pretty well. So I often lay on the sofa to sleep or watched Internet news, which wasted a lot of time that could have been used for Dafa projects.
“… when problems arise between you and others, it doesn’t matter who’s at fault: start by reflecting on your part in it.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2019 New York Fa Conference”)
When looking within unconditionally, I recalled what my wife had frequently tried to help me with by reminding me of things I needed to improve. Suddenly, I found that all my complaints had disappeared. I really felt that she had good intentions and did help me to improve faster.