Breaking through my emotional attachments and going out to clarify the truth

My daughter has been by my side for almost thirty years now. I had not realized how dependent I've been on her as she matured over the years, until the day she was taken by the police. My whole world came crashing down; I barely knew how to keep myself alive. Each day I ate one bowl of cornmeal porridge with some pickled vegetables to keep me going.

During the time she was locked up in the detention center and denied outside visits and phone calls, the anguish I felt as a mother was agonizing. My attachment to this mother-daughter bond deep down inside provided a loophole for the evil to exploit; I was thus haunted by imaginary visions of her being tortured and killed. Although I knew from the perspective of the Fa that what I imagined was not really happening, the fear still overwhelmed me. I had no fellow practitioners or family around me at the time; Dafa and Master were all I had. I locked myself at home and was too afraid to put Zhuan Falun down. Seeking solace in the Fa made me forget about the awful circumstances. The moment I stopped reading, I would fall victim to the all-consuming emotions and feelings I had for my daughter, plunging me into the depths of despair. I had completely forgotten that my daughter is also a practitioner and would be well looked after by Master.

As a cultivator, I knew I had to break out of my emotional attachment to my daughter, so I constantly immersed myself in the teachings of the Fa. It helped to reinforce my understanding that cultivation is not possible if that attachment remains with me because it would provide the perfect excuse for the evil to destroy me. The evil would delight at my misery. The more I was wrapped up in it, the less likely I would remember my mission as a Dafa disciple.

In tears, I went before Master’s picture and said to Master, “I don’t want this emotional attachment. Please help me, Master! I know I have been wrong! I will never forget my mission in Fa-rectification and saving sentient beings, no matter how severe my tribulations are.” Thus, with Master’s guidance and support, I stepped outside–though unsteadily at first–to put up posters and distribute pamphlets.

One day, I came home but forgot where I had put my keys in the house. I looked everywhere and could not find them. It then occurred to me that this could not be happening by chance; it must be a hint from Master. I said in my heart, “If you are trying to tell me that clarifying the truth is the key, please let the key be found.” As it happened, the key turned up where I usually put it!

Seemingly random occurrences like that happened about three times. So I started thinking about how to clarify the truth and to whom. At the time, my daughter’s detention was in the hands of the police, so I decided to first approach the person responsible for her case. Since I was still emotionally raw and unsure of myself, I was only able to clarify the truth in small chunks when opportunities arose.

For example, when the case officer went to the car to fetch something for me, I would tell him, “To ensure their own safety, 300 million people have already withdrawn from their Party memberships. Would you like to do the same using an alias?” He forced a smile and said nothing. On another occasion, I went to the police station to ask for official documentation of my daughter’s detention. The case officer made a lot of excuses, but under my persistent demands, he gave me a photocopy of the document. I seized the opportunity and said, “I know that when you take on a case now, you will handle it from beginning to end. Please, for your own sake, treat Dafa practitioners with kindness, because they deserve it.”

I know I could do a lot better, but the important thing is that I have started doing it.

Clarifying the truth in court

By the time my daughter’s case went to the court, I had basically overcome the emotional attachment and was able to face the situation with rationality thanks to Master’s support. I had a better understanding of what Master said: “Clarifying the truth is the master key.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Atlanta Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. IV)

On the first day of the trial, I arrived at 6 am but couldn’t pass through the gate. Soon the gate was opened for a car to go through, and I followed it in.

Inside the lobby, a security guard told me I could not hang around there. He thought I was there to petition the court. I told him I wanted to see a certain judge. He sent me away, saying that it was too early and that I should go and have some breakfast first.

Once I was outside, I thought to myself that I did not go there to have breakfast and that I had to go in. Strangely, another car went in right then, and again I followed it in.

This time, the security guard did not try to send me away, so I started telling him about my daughter who has been taken by the police for practicing Falun Gong. At the mention of Falun Gong, he burst out, “Words cursing the Party are all over the money (paper notes); that’s biting the hand that feeds you...” He grew angrier as he spoke. I told him, “You have been brainwashed. Falun Gong is not like that at all. My ailments were all gone after I practiced Falun Gong for two months. I have not needed to go to a doctor or take any medication for more than 20 years now.”

He calmed down as he listened and said, “If it’s so good, you can practice it at home. Why are you going around talking about it?” I said, “If I have this secret that’s hugely beneficial to you, don’t you think I should share it with you if you are my good friend or superior?” That changed his mood, and we ended up speaking for about an hour in the lobby.

While we were talking, a policeman came to the counter to fiddle with the microphone. I was aware that I might well have been under audio and video surveillance, but that did not worry me. I was sure that “...just by remaining unmoved you could handle all situations.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2005 Canada Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. V)

Master has told us:

“The old forces don't dare to oppose our clarifying the truth or saving sentient beings.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Boston,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. II)

When I finished and said goodbye to him, he told me where to find the judge I wanted to see and said I should go to him if I needed to go back there again.

But when I was at the gate, he did not open it to let me out. I was amused, thinking I would not have gone to the court if I were afraid. I had a smile on my face and waited patiently. Soon enough, the gate had to be opened again because a car was coming in.

Things started to look up the day after I went out to clarify the truth. I found a suitable lawyer, visited my daughter at the detention center (she was doing well, maintaining her strong righteous thoughts), and reconnected with fellow practitioners I had lost touch with for a few years. My work unit also paid back all my salary that had been withheld under dubious pretexts.

Great, compassionate Master, words cannot express my immense gratitude to you! I can only strive to do better and better in my cultivation.

Writing truth-clarification letters

I was denied the right to visit my daughter on the pretext that no visitors were allowed before the start of a trial. So I wrote to the judge as a mother and explained to her the importance of seeing through the Party’s persecution of Falun Gong and seeking the truth for herself. I also wrote about my own experience as concrete examples of how good is rewarded while evil is punished.

I wrote:

Because of my refusal to give up my belief, I have been illegally detained in a forced labor camp three times; had my incarceration periods extended three times; subjected to an extreme torture method for a period of 15 days in which I was not allowed to wash myself and was not released from the ‘torture bed’ even to eat or to go to the toilet. I have had to endure both mental and physical torture. In the past, the ‘torture bed’ was used on criminals but are now used on innocent Falun Gong practitioners. Striving to live a righteous, moral life is not a crime! Despite all the atrocities committed against us practitioners, we don’t hold any resentment against our torturers. We just want to tell them: “The Party has erred in its persecution against Falun Gong!”

Retribution will come to those who do evil. The two people who harmed me had pitiful endings: one died in a car accident, and the other became a paraplegic. I deeply regretted not telling them about Falun Gong and failing to stop them from destroying themselves out of ignorance. I am writing to you because I don’t want to see the same tragedy repeat itself. I hope you will be blessed by seeing the truth for what it is.

I went on to cite examples of how those who had led the persecution of Falun Gong had finally met karmic retribution–the likes of Zhou Yongkang, Bo Xilai, Wang Lijun and so on. I talked about the lessons of the Cultural Revolution and urged her, for her own good, to use the authority vested in her to treat practitioners who go before her kindly. I encouraged her to value the Falun Gong pamphlets given to her because that will be her ticket to salvation. I wished her all the best.

Not long after I sent the letter out, I called the judge to inquire about my daughter’s case. Her tone of voice had softened considerably, no doubt a result of my letter to her.

I followed up by writing to my work, to the director at the detention center where my daughter was illegally detained, to my relatives who work in the prisons and friends, and to others.

I felt Master’s presence the entire time I was writing those letters. This process has also helped me to gradually overcome my own pain and instead immerse myself in the sacred task of changing the hearts and minds of people via kindness and compassion.

I have finally shaken off the torment and despair over my daughter’s detention.

Closing remarks

Over the years, Master has always emphasized the importance of Fa study by telling us to study it often and study it well. In my own cultivation experience over the last twenty years, I have come to realize that in difficult times, if it were not for Master’s protection and the power of the Fa, I would not have been able to overcome them by myself.

I have meticulously hand-copied Zhuan Falun twelve times and Essentials for Further Advancement and many articles written by Master multiple times. When I first started practicing Dafa, I was often totally engrossed when reading Master's articles, so much so that I forgot to eat or sleep. That level of enthusiasm and diligence helped me tackle tribulations that later came my way. I would say I only managed to come through the severe test above because I was able to focus on Fa study despite being engulfed by the most painful mental anguish.

I am aware that I still fall short of the requirements of the Fa, but I will continue to work hard on my Fa study and my cultivation. To express my gratitude to Master, I vow to fulfill my mission as a Dafa disciple.