Managing Complicated Family Dynamics

(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1998. Over the last twenty years, I have followed the principles of Dafa in my life – not only did all my illnesses disappear, but I have also gained the appearance of someone in their 50's even though I am in my 70's.

I have a big family: four sons, their wives, and their children. I would like to share how I manage these complicated family dynamics, particularly the relationships with my daughters-in-law.

My cultivation helps me to look within whenever conflicts surface. It helps me to be considerate of others first and not let sentimentality get the best of me. I am able to be calm and composed when others treat me poorly and am grateful when others treat me with respect.

Except for my second son and his wife, everyone else treated me with respect. In order to give me more time to study the Fa teachings and do the exercises, they would take care of most of their daily chores and take care of their little ones. When they had to work out of town, they would leave the older kids for me to watch and took younger ones with them, so that I would not be too burdened with looking after the kids. I help them out whenever there is a need. When one of them built a new house, they gave me the best room, and bought a new bed, quilt, and clothes for me. I am grateful for their kindness.

My second son and his wife were different, however. They treated me as if I were their enemy. They didn't allow me to take care of their kids or help with their house chores. They would also gossip about me around the village, saying that I treated them unfairly. They cursed me whenever they got a chance. Even the other villagers would say that they were such a disgrace to the family.

As a cultivator, I knew that nothing happens by chance. It is to help me to improve and elevate. I still abide by the Fa teachings and look within whenever conflicts surface. When it would rain, I would help them move their dried clothes inside; before they came home, I would take care of their children, feed their children, and do their laundry. But they would still curse me even after I helped them.

One day, when my second daughter-in-law was in the middle of ranting and raving, I said: “Do you know why I never behave the way you do even though you can be quite unreasonable at times, like now? Because I am practicing Falun Dafa now, and our Master taught us to be a good person, a better one. I won't fight with you no matter how you provoke me. I will look for what I did wrong on my part though.”

She stopped.

Last summer, we suffered flooding in our area. When my second son and wife did not return home in time, I went to look after their flooded crops. I was almost washed away by the flash flood, but I landed in their field. I knew Master helped me. I fixed up their fields and went home. A villager who witnessed the event told them and they changed their attitude towards me, and now we're on good terms.

It is Dafa and Master that taught me how to endure. Thank you, Master, for helping me to elevate in the midst of conflicts, to eliminate resentment and the fighting mentality. Our family has benefited so much from Dafa and its saving grace.