Using My Tribulations to Identify My Attachments
(Minghui.org) I am 76 years old and started practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. I'd like to share my experience of how I overcame a serious illness tribulation with Master's help.
I was on my way to a practitioner’s house for Fa study on January 6, 2017. I usually arrive about ten minutes early, but I was running late that day and so took a taxi. The taxi stopped about 300 meters from the practitioner’s home, as it was unable to get any closer. Before I left home I had felt some soreness in my waist and legs but I ignored it. However, as I stepped out of the cab I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen and my right leg severely cramped up. It was so painful that every step I took felt as if needles were stabbing into me.
I thought of getting back into the taxi and returning home but when the driver saw my condition, he became frightened and thought that I would sue him for “injuries.” He told me that he was not going to take me back home, and sped off.
The practitioner’s house was still some distance away, and there was no one around to help me. I was bent over in pain and couldn't move. What should I do? I thought that this must be interference to stop me from going to Fa study, but I wasn't going to let that happen. I should go to Fa study!
Gritting my teeth, I kept sending righteous thoughts and dragged myself to the practitioner’s home. When I arrived, the other practitioners asked me what happened. After I told them, one of them said, “Sit down, study the Fa and send forth righteous thoughts.” As soon as I sat down, my right leg became so stiff and painful that I couldn't bend it.
As we sent forth righteous thoughts, a practitioner said, “I see a large negative being by your side.”
I replied, “No matter how big it is, it cannot be bigger than Dafa. We have Master and the Fa so there is nothing to be scared of.”
Some practitioners wanted me to leave with them after Fa study, as they were concerned about me. However, I couldn't stand up. When I tried to put my shoes on, I fell over. A practitioner immediately helped me up and supported me as we walked out of the house. This practitioner was tall, young and strong. He almost carried me to the road, while another practitioner called for a taxi.
My apartment is on the third floor, so I had to crawl up the stairs to get home. When my husband saw me, he was very concerned. I told him not to worry, but the right side of my body seemed to be paralyzed, and my leg was still in great pain.
Two practitioners came over to help me. My husband was so worried and phoned our son. He and his wife came over. His wife examined my legs, and said that they seemed ok.
My son wanted me to stand up and walk a few steps, but I couldn't. I just reassured him that I would be fine.
The following day, both my sons came with their wives. They wanted to take me to the hospital for a check-up, but I told them, “I know you are only trying to help, but if you force me to go to the hospital I may really end up being paralyzed. In the 20 years that I've been practicing Falun Dafa I haven't had to take any medicine or go to the hospital. Before I began practicing, I was plagued with all sorts of illnesses and had to take medication every day, but nothing helped. However, I was fine after I started practicing. You all know about this. If you really want to help me, keep reciting 'Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good' and I'll recover soon.” They smiled and stopped trying to make me go to a hospital.
However, they still kept fussing over me, trying to me make comfortable. I said, “I'll be fine. All of you please go home. My Master is looking after me, so I will recover very soon. There is no need for you to worry.” They all then left.
I tried to do the sitting meditation that afternoon, but I couldn't bend my right leg. Practitioners helped to send righteous thoughts, and I asked Master for help. I gritted my teeth and slowly brought my right leg up over my left.
It was extremely painful and I couldn't keep my legs up for long, so I held my right leg in place. At the time, I could clearly feel something round, like an egg, roll down my leg, starting from the thigh. It was so painful that I kept shivering. I shivered non-stop while I kept reciting Master’s Fa, “It’s hard to endure, but you can endure it. It’s hard to do, but you can do it.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
After about half an hour, I was sweating so hard, but my leg could finally bend and I could do the meditation with a single leg crossed.
Thank you Master for removing the negative substance!
I tried to meditate in the full lotus position that night. Just as I brought up the second leg, both legs were in so much pain that I quickly took them down. Just then, I remembered what Master said,
“...He teaches Heaven’s Way to rescue the firmament,He alone has borne the karmic debts of all beings,The abundant debts formed huge ordeals,His hair turned grey and His body was harmed, ...”(“To the Original State,” Hong Yin Vol. III)
My heart ached when I thought of what Master has endured for all of us, and I wept. Master has gone through so much hardship for us, how could the pain in my legs be compared? I immediately brought up both legs. The pain was so intense that I pressed my body against the bed. I refused to take my legs down and endured the pain for the entire hour. After I persevered and meditated in pain for a week, I finally overcame this tribulation.
Persisting in Saving People
Because I didn't want people to misunderstand my situation and have negative thoughts about Falun Dafa, I didn't go out to talk to people about Dafa. Instead, I went out at night and posted truth-clarification materials.
It gets dark early in the winter, so after sending forth righteous thoughts at 6:00 p.m., I would head out. I took a step forward with my left leg and dragged my right leg behind. Although my abdomen was no longer that painful and I was able to stand up, my right leg was still in pain when I walked, so I did not dare to put weight on my right foot.
I pasted the truth-clarification materials on walls, and on the ground floor of apartment buildings. When I passed by locked units I pasted them on the doors. When I finally got tired, I took a taxi back home.
While I was still recovering, I experienced another tribulation. One day, my stomach suddenly ached so much that I couldn't straighten my back. It felt as though knives were cutting into my stomach and I felt nauseous. Each time I ate, I had to go to the toilet. My intestines were in so much pain that it was intolerable.
While I sat on the bed pressing both hands against my stomach, I suddenly remembered what happened to a practitioner named May (alias). May also had a stomachache one day while walking home. It got so bad that she had to sit down next to the road and called her son to pick her up. When her son came, he took her to the hospital and she passed away soon afterwards.
Just then, I heard a voice say, “You're dying. You'd better prepare for your funeral!”
I solemnly said, “I am a Dafa practitioner and my life is in Master’s hands. Nothing you say counts. I have human desires and attachments, but Master has arranged my cultivation path. I am trying to correct myself. If you are here to persecute me, you are committing a sin.”
Due to the stomachache, I was not able to hold the book Zhuan Falun to study the Fa, so I listened to Master’s recorded lectures. I increased the length of time I sent righteous thoughts and repeated Master’s poem,
“Dafa is not leaving the body,Zhen Shan Ren is held in the heart,A great Arhat in the world,Spirits and ghosts greatly fear”(Mighty Virtue, Hong Yin)
I refused to acknowledge any of the old forces' arrangements, and through studying the Fa and sending forth righteous thoughts the stomachache subsided.
An Opportunity to Identify My Attachments
When I looked within I was surprised to see so many attachments, such as zealotry, showing off, being competitive and fear. I also resented my husband.
My husband scavenged materials to sell. He had soon filled our storage unit. However, he didn't want to sell them, nor would he allow me to sell them. When the storage space was full he started storing things upstairs. No matter how I cleaned the house it felt like we were living on a garbage heap.
The garbage just kept piling up, and I became so angry that I lost my temper and yelled at my husband. My anger caused me to lose focus when I studied the Fa. I also couldn't calm down when I sent forth righteous thoughts. I was still angry and even hated him.
“If you stoop to the other person’s level, then you are no different from them. And not only shouldn’t you respond like them, neither should you feel hatred or resentment. And I sincerely mean that. Any bitterness towards another person means that anger got the best of you. And in that case you have failed to live up to the standard of ren, and even less so shan.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I knew I was wrong, and knelt in front of Master’s portrait. I told Master that I was wrong, and that I was sorry. Two days later, the stomachache stopped and my leg no longer felt that painful.
Tribulation Is Resolved
Twenty days later, I went back to the practitioner’s house for Fa study. I was still limping a little and my right leg slanted outwards. I thought that my situation could not continue as all my neighbors knew that I practice Dafa, and they know that Falun Dafa is good. People often commented how I was so healthy and full of energy. The response was always, “It's because I practice Falun Dafa.”
I thought that I mustn't tarnish Dafa's image because of my situation. So, I started to practice walking from the bedroom to the living room. There's a mirror on the door, so I would face the mirror as I walked to see if I was still limping and if my leg was still slanted. I practiced walking for an hour before sending righteous thoughts at midnight. I did this for more than ten days.
One night, when I was putting on my shoes to practice walking, my husband told me to stop because I was no longer limping.
Everything was back to normal, and I could go out again to tell people about Dafa and help to save them!
If we can remember Master’s Fa when we are experiencing tribulations and can really let go of the attachment to life and death, Master can help us.