Becoming a True Cultivator 20 Years Later
(Minghui.org) I consider myself to have truly started cultivating Falun Dafa in 2017, even though I had heard Master lecture on the radio with my parents 20 years ago. I lived with my human attachments and notions all these years until I finally chose the right path. As I read Master's articles, I was often moved to tears.
When I watched the documentary The Eternal Story, the words “. . . be sure to wake up the one lost in desire” seemed to bring lost memories to the surface. I finally understood where Dafa disciples came from and where they are headed. I feel immensely fortunate to have become a Dafa disciple at this time when the Fa-rectification is taking place.
Cultivating Dafa after Life's Ups and Downs
When I was a child, I often wondered who I was, where I came from, and where I was going.
In 1997, a relative came to visit and brought video recordings of Master's lecture series for my parents. My father fell asleep when we watched them. He woke up when the lecture was over. But like it says in Zhuan Falun, “. . . he didn't miss a word.” Afterward, he said, “It is very good. Master speaks the truth.” Hehen he had diarrhea for few days. Soon, both mother and father started practicing Falun Dafa. I had just graduated from elementary school then. Although I didn't quite understand what Master said about atoms, molecules, and celestial bodies, Dafa had already taken root in my heart.
One time when I was in high school, I was window shopping with my friend. A taxi honked at us from behind and we moved to the side of the street. Then I saw the taxi drive over my right foot. I saw the tire roll over my foot and tried to pull it out, but couldn't. The driver got out of the car and, at my friend's urging, took me to a hospital and called my parents. However, the doctor didn't find anything wrong with me. It was a miracle.
When my physical education teacher heard about the incident, he asked me why I didn't make the driver pay. I told him that my father had taught me that ill-gotten wealth is no good. At the time, my parents had given up practicing Dafa due to the persecution, but they still followed Master's teachings to be good people. When I look back, I felt Master was already looking after me, even though I had not started cultivating.
During my college years, I was very competitive and had many attachments due to the influence of Communist Party culture. My best friend was a Dafa disciple, and she suggested that I take up the practice, but I didn't.
After graduating from college, I went to Beijing on my own and experienced many ups and downs. My parents, however, started practicing Dafa again in 2012. During a vacation back home, I watched Master's lecture series with my mother's encouragement. I was determined to cultivate Dafa. One night as I lay in bed, I felt a Falun rotating at my abdominal area. I knew then that I had became a Dafa disciple.
After I returned to Beijing, I was very diligent at first. But as work getting busier, I started to let up in my cultivation, thinking there would always be time. There were many well-educated Christians at work. They tried to convert me, but I knew Falun Dafa was the one and only Fa of the universe.
In 2017, my life calmed down again after some ups and downs in my career. I was moved to tears after reading Fa Teaching at the New York Fa Conference on the Twenty-Fifth Anniversary of Dafa's Introduction. I felt endless regret for not cherishing the time Master had extended for us. After a period of studying the Fa diligently, I realized that the purpose of one's life is to return to one's true self and I was able to let my attachment to my career go.
Tests in My Cultivation
The test I encountered at the beginning was demonic interference. Whenever I picked up Zhuan Falun, I would hear noises in the hallway. Because of the severe persecution in Beijing, I got very anxious whenever I heard even a little noise. Then I remembered, “Whether it is a Buddha, a Tao, an immortal, or a demon, they should not move your heart.” (Zhuan Falun) I did not hear those noises after a few days.
Another time, I saw a woman with long, messy hair in my dream. As she walked toward me, I send forth righteous thoughts and she disappeared.
I get up at 3:50 every morning to do the exercises. After work, I decline all invitations and study Zhuan Falun and Master's other teachings. One day, I couldn't get up in the morning and I felt very tired after work. I tried to study the Fa and struggled with the desire to rest. I suddenly heard the exercise music and Master's voice. I looked at the speaker and saw it was off. I knew the music was from another dimension and that Master wanted me to do the exercises. But I couldn't resist the drowsiness and fell asleep.
I had a very vivid dream: I caught an evil being. I called out, “Evil! Evil!” When I opened my hand, I saw several places where it had bitten me. I showed my hand to my father, who said, “You ought be careful.” I told him that my hand would recover in few days.
Then my brother came over to talk to me. Suddenly he stretched out his palms and thick smoke clouded my celestial eye. I couldn't respond quickly enough. I blurted out, “Falun Dafa is good!” I was half awake and half sleep at this time. I felt a big Falun rotating above my head. I woke up a little afraid. I turned on the light and saw a bump between my eyebrows in the mirror. I also saw a bruise around the bump.
It was hard to believe that my main consciousness actually had that experience in the dream. If the Falun hadn't protected me, my celestial eye would have been damaged. I decided to do the fifth exercise before sending forth righteous thoughts at midnight. I saw that the bump went down a little after that. The next morning when I saw myself in the mirror, the bruise had disappeared.
From that incident, I realized that every thought and every notion must be aligned with the Fa. When I struggled to get up in the morning again, I reminded myself that I must be diligent because countless beings from my corresponding celestial bodies are waiting to be saved.
Letting Go of Human Feelings and Selfishness
During a vacation back home, I noticed that my parents had almost stopped cultivating again. They lived with my brother after they retired. They even had an enshrined spirit tablet at home. My father looked very nervous when I urged him to cultivate. When my mother and I did the exercises, my brother was not pleased. I talked to fellow practitioners about them.
Several practitioners came from another city to visit us. They reminded Father how he had benefited when he first started practicing. We sent forth righteous together. After a few days, I talked to my sister-in-law, and she agreed to get rid of the spirit tablet.
After my vacation was over, I returned to Beijing. But I still worried about my parents since they cannot get on the Minghui website and we couldn't talk openly over the phone. Then Master gave me a hint that this was human sentiment.
“You are unable to interfere with the lives of others, and neither can you control others’ fates, including those of your wife, sons, daughters, parents, or brothers.” (Zhuan Falun)
I understood that my parents were also Master's disciples and had Master to look after them. I needed to let go of this human sentiment and cultivate myself.
In recent years, I often argued with my father. I believed that he was influenced by the Party culture and was strong-willed. I was very independent and didn't agree with him in many ways. One day, I dreamed that I was arguing with him again. I felt wronged and cried in my dream. Then I heard a fellow practitioner's voice, “This is not you. You are getting rid of it, of course it is crying.” When I woke up, I realized that I have had strong resentment toward my father, as well as many other attachments.
“Think about it carefully, when you can’t get certain things off your mind, when you feel angry and feel that you have been treated unjustly, at those moments you are being led by emotion. … All of the molecules and cells within the Three Realms are saturated by it. So it’s very difficult to escape from it during cultivation. As a cultivator, if you can’t let go of emotion, all of your behavior is human behavior. Valuing emotion is in fact defending emotion. And in that case, you are just an ordinary human being. If you can let go of it, then you are no longer a part of it, and are a god.” (Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference in Australia)
When I eliminated the human notions that resulted from such emotions and saw my father again, he appeared kind and respectable.
Cultivate Xinxing and Look Within
For a long time, I had a strict schedule for Fa-study and doing the exercises every day. For example, it was difficult to get home from work to send forth righteous thoughts at 6 p.m. To keep the schedule, I usually dashed out the office the moment the bell rang and ran to the subway station. As soon as I got out of the subway station, I rode my bicycle home. I could make it home just in time, but I was always exhausted and flustered by then. I also gave up all my social activities and treated Fa-study as my homework. I thought I was very diligent. But I was paying too much attention to the formality and went to an extreme.
I discussed my situation with a fellow practitioner. She said, “When you are worried that you are not doing well, it is also an attachment.” When I looked within to see why I was so anxious, I realized that I had an attachment to time. Because I started practicing Dafa late, I worried that I couldn't keep up with the Fa-rectification. When others were hoping Fa-rectification would end soon, I always thought to myself, “Let it end later, later.” Instead of thinking of saving more people, I was thinking about my own consummation. I was very ashamed of myself when I realized this.
At the end of last year, my employer held a big event that lasted two days. Originally I was appointed to host a forum on the first day, and the awards ceremony was to be hosted by an industry expert. But this expert wanted to host the forum as well and would not come otherwise. When my manager told me this, I thought to myself that this person was really seeking to make a name for himself. Then I remembered Master said,
“From the day that a Dafa disciple takes up cultivation his whole life is rearranged. In other words, this life of yours is now the life of a cultivator. Nothing is by chance anymore, and nothing will happen just by chance.” (Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles)
I realized that this was for me to see and get rid of my vanity.
While my coworkers were busy preparing for the event, I was always in a hurry to leave after work so that I could go home and study the Fa. I was told that a colleague who was responsible for coordinating the space decided to take our interns for dinner after the event. I thought for sure he would ask me to go, too. But they left without me that evening. He called a little later to let me know. I heard over the phone that he was telling others that I would not come anyway. After I hung up the phone, I felt indignant and sad thinking that they were pushing me aside.
But I realized that this was an opportunity for me to get rid of my attachments. I asked Master to strengthen me while sending forth righteous thoughts to get rid of bad thoughts and attachments. I felt my heart calm down. I knew Master had removed bad things in other dimensions. Later I also realized that I didn't do my share to help out at work during that busy period of time. I only thought of studying the Fa for myself. It was very selfish.
Master told us to cultivate in ordinary society so that we could improve our xinxing amid conflicts. Only when we act according to the Fa in everything are we truly cultivating.
I have started telling people I know about Falun Dafa. At first I was very anxious and wanted to see results. Slowly, I have become more calm and relaxed. I feel that I am also more rational and wiser. “Cultivation depends on one’s own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one’s master.” (Zhuan Falun) I know it is Master who does everything.
This is my personal understanding. Please point out anything that is not aligned with the Fa.