Cultivating and Letting Go of a Fundamental Attachment
(Minghui.org) I had felt very depressed recently, as if covered by an invisible net and unable to break through. I was unwilling to practice the exercises or study the Fa for several days. I was unwilling to do anything. I knew this was not right but I could not break through. I finally did find the cause and made up my mind to write it down in a diary. I now want to share it.
I have cultivated for almost 20 years. Feeling “sleepy” had always bothered me. It was so annoying, and I could not find the root of it although I had worked very hard to dig out any possible attachments that might have caused it. I was sleepy when I read the Fa, practiced the exercises and even when driving. I worked hard in cultivation, but could not break through. I would stop for a short nap if I felt sleepy while driving. On one occasion I could even smell the scent of a sleeping drug drifting over from somewhere. I realized this was a hint from Master that it was interference from the old forces; throwing filthy stuff into my dimensional field, making me muddleheaded. They made me feel sleepy whenever I was doing anything significant.
Aware of this, I sent forth righteous thought and said loudly, “Listen all evil beings of the old forces, my true self will not tolerate you anymore. You will be eliminated if you interfere again.” I felt much better and made a breakthrough. I improved my righteous thoughts and I started to get the upper hand over the drowsiness. A few days later the interference came again and I further dug out the root.
I looked inward and put down my attachments as much as I could. I also improved my Fa-study. Master saw my willingness to improve, and allowed me to find a fundamental attachment, the attachment to the affection between husband and wife, the longing for the human love between spouses.
My husband and I were childhood sweethearts and our marriage was built on our own will. However, after the persecution started in 1999 my husband had been poisoned by the Chinese Communist Party against Dafa. He did not support my cultivation and has treated me indifferently over the past decade or more. He has had affairs for a long time. I was deeply upset when I first found out. I studied the Fa a lot and improved my xinxing. I knew that these things were not my issues and stopped feeling stuck in a vexed, sad state. I thought I already relinquished my attachment to him. However, I was stuck in a different state: depression.
I continued to study the Fa more and searched for the root of the depression. I found that I was still longing for the love between husband and wife. When I saw other couples together, I recalled moments that my husband and I had shared together (before I started to practice Falun Gong). The old forces and the evil specter had taken advantage of my attachments to reinforce my human notions and other incorrect elements to cause my depressed state. It felt like an invisible net was making me depressed and unhappy. It also drained my energy, making me incapable of being diligent in cultivation.
I asked Master to strengthen my righteous thoughts. I thought to myself, “Affection between husband and wife is a human matter. It has nothing to do with me, a cultivator. I am cultivating the Fa of the universe and what I will ultimately achieve is success as a Buddha. All the happiness and good things in the human world are not what I wanted.” I made up my mind to eliminate the deeply rooted attachment to affection between husband and wife. Cultivating Dafa in this lifetime is the greatest blessing and joy.
I kept reciting How Many in the World Have Awakened from Hong Yin IV. I felt that I had broken through the net. The depression and unhappiness started to vanish.I now feel an indescribable happiness. Nothing in the human world can stir up or interfere with my heart. I thank Master for his compassionate protection on my path of cultivation.
Fellow practitioners, please correct me if anything is not in line with the Fa.