I Learned How to Search Inward
(Minghui.org) I started to practice Falun Gong in the second half of 1997. Right afterward, I had a dream which I can still remember clearly: Two security guards stood at the gate of a big school. One of them asked me if I came to learn Falun Gong. I held a copy of Zhuan Falun in my hand and joyfully answered, "Yes!" They did not say anything and let me walk directly into the school. After I woke up, I still felt the happiness from my dream.
Before practicing Falun Gong, I was very weak and felt bad all year round. I had many health problems, including arthritis, bronchitis, and asthma. I could not sleep well and my eyes were often swollen. My doctor told me that asthma was very difficult to cure and that I would have to live with it for the rest of my life. I tried to find other medical treatments but none worked. My family, relatives, and friends all worried about me. One week after I started to practice Falun Gong, my ailments were all cured.
There were 40 practitioners at our local practice site. We studied Zhuan Falun and practiced the standing exercises between 6 and 7 a.m., then did the sitting exercise between 7 and 9 p.m. every day. I felt really fortunate during that period of time. All of my illnesses disappeared. I did all my daily chores, such as housework, taking care of our family business, and farm work without feeling tired. My family, relatives, and friends were happy for me. All of them believed that Falun Gong had wrought a miracle, and some of them also started to learn the practice.
Despite the Persecution, I Never Changed
The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started to persecute Falun Gong on July 20, 1999. They arrested practitioners, ransacked their homes, and harassed their families. The situation was harrowing, like the entire sky was going to fall. My husband worried that I would affect our grandson's future. He got furious when he saw me study Falun Gong books and started to beat me, curse me, and blame me. However, my mind was determined: I would never give up my practice.
I sold clothes at that time. Whenever the business slowed down, I studied the Falun Gong teachings. I did not go to school long enough to recognize all the words in Zhuan Falun, so I always asked other people when I did not know a word. I decided that, no matter how difficult it was, I had to learn all the words. Master saw my determination and helped me out. After several sleepless nights, I finally could read Zhuan Falun entirely.
However, I only focused on recognizing the words and did not pay enough attention to cultivating my xinxing. Master arranged many tribulations for me to improve my character, but I always missed the chances.
When my husband beat and blamed me, I always thought that it was his fault: “He should not treat me like this!” However, I did not look inward to find my shortcomings. For example, once he claimed that the paint I used to write Falun Gong banners smelled bad. He then started to beat me, and I fought back. He was okay after the fight, but my arm was bruised for several days.
My Husband Turns for the Better
Master taught us in Zhuan Falun repeatedly to search inward. Articles on Minghui on how to look inward really inspired me. I also discussed the issue with fellow practitioners. I felt that my xinxing was improving quickly.
I often complained about my husband for not doing housework in the past. Now I only look at his good side. For example, whenever the police or staff from the neighborhood association come to harass me, he always says good things about Falun Gong. He tells them that my ailments were all cured by my practicing Falun Gong and that practitioners were all good people.
One day around midnight, three police officers came to my home to arrest me. He reprimanded them so fiercely that they just left! Sometimes, he helps me a little to clarify the truth about Falun Gong to others. Whenever fellow practitioners come to my home, he always welcomes them.
Through continuously studying Falun Gong books, I changed my notions. Because he did not like to do housework, I did it. I washed his clothes and folded them without any complaint. He liked to eat fruit, so I bought fresh fruit for him every day. I also bought the clothes that he liked.
The capacity of my heart is much larger now. I first think about other people. He does not beat or blame me anymore. In addition, if someone mentions Falun Gong, he always explains the facts about the persecution.
Toothache Disappears After Searching Inward
After learning how to search inward, I looked at my own shortcomings all the time. For example, my family once went to a restaurant. One of the dishes was really tasty, and I wanted to make it again at home. I then started to have a toothache. It was so painful that tears rolled down my face. I searched inward and found that I had a strong attachment to taste. Master said,
“Eating, but caring not to taste —The palate’s attachments severed.” (“Abiding in the Dao” from Hong Yin)
After cultivating for so many years, I was still attached to taste. I admitted to Master that I was wrong and sent forth righteous thoughts at the same time. Within an hour, the pain completely disappeared.
Blamed for Not Being Compassionate
My husband once found a wallet on the street. There was some cash, 6 bank cards, an ID card, and a key in it. He took the wallet back to our neighborhood and announced, “Someone lost the wallet, he (or she) must be very nervous by now. I have to take it to the police station. My wife told me to think of others and that what goes around comes around. I want to be a good person, too.”
The neighbors all knew that I was a Falun Gong practitioner. They remarked, “Your wife is a good person!”
After that, my husband took the wallet to the police station without leaving any personal information with the police.
After returning home, he told me what happened. I replied, “You have to ask the police to record it. Nowadays, the police are very dishonest. If they seize the wallet, the owner will be very upset.”
My husband went back to the police station. A policewoman was on duty at the reception desk. She refused to check on the wallet and was very impatient. So my husband said to her, “Why are you here? What is your responsibility? You refuse to check the wallet. What do the words 'serve the people' on the wall mean? Are you serving the people?”
Another policeman heard him and came out, “I recorded that transaction. The owner of the wallet came and picked it up.”
My husband said, “Then give me the owner's telephone number. I would like to call to make sure.”
The policeman gave him the telephone number. My husband made the call and found out that the owner really got the wallet back.
When he came home, he told me what had happened. When I heard that he had questioned and reprimanded the policewoman, I felt happy. Generally, I hated the police, since they had arrested me several times. The next morning, my husband got mad again and blamed me for the incident.
I searched inward over and over but could not find any shortcoming. After that, Master replayed our conversation in my mind, reminding me that I was happy when the policewoman got blamed. Yes, I hated the police, and I was really not compassionate. But in this persecution, the police are also being persecuted. They follow the orders to persecute Falun Gong practitioners. If they don't realize the truth, what is their future going to be? Their predicament is really unfortunate! I should be more compassionate to them. After I realized my shortcoming, my husband was back to his old self in no time. Searching inward is really a magic weapon!
Every day, fellow practitioners and I go out to clarify the truth and encourage people to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations. Whenever we are rejected or blamed, I now always search inward, “Did I really study the Fa well? Was I compassionate enough? Was I kind enough?” It's magic that, after doing this, the situation often changes right away!