(Minghui.org) I encountered Falun Dafa during my childhood, as my grandfather was a Falun Dafa practitioner. However, I never truly stepped on the cultivation path. Now, at age 20, I’ve begun practicing Falun Dafa cultivation.
My parents bought a computer when I was about 11, which was detrimental to my life. I browsed different websites, was lured into watching pornographic sites, and formed many incorrect thoughts.
I was frequently exhausted despite adequate rest. I could not think deeply and felt that my consciousness was separated from my body. I became cold and numb, and I developed depression and anxiety. These states took a toll on my body, life, and schoolwork.
Perhaps the old forces felt that I was undeserving of the Fa and attempted to destroy me by having my schoolmates abuse me mentally. I was on the verge of a breakdown, and quit school for a year.
I woke up from having nightmares on many nights. So I wanted to study the Fa, but I just fell asleep whenever I started reading. Therefore, I cried before Master’s portrait and asked Him to help me. Yet, my thought karma was too strong. It was filled with vulgarities that targeted Dafa and Master, and I could not suppress them. I knew this was wrong, and I felt guilty.
I was confused, and apart from fatigue I felt that bad substances were obstructing me and holding me back from studying the Fa. I felt extremely upset and lost after I quit school. I gradually felt more awake as I studied the Fa, however, and whenever I talked before Master’s portrait, a clear answer would enter my mind. I then felt a strong energy field.
Studying the Fa Cleared My Mind
After a year away from school, I started junior high school. But my unpleasant encounters in elementary school kept me from being interested in studying. So I came up with various excuses to skip class and did not uphold myself as a practitioner.
The more I studied the Fa, however, the clearer my mind became, and the easier my studies were. My teachers and classmates were amazed at my improvement. I knew that it was Dafa giving me wisdom.
Two months ago, I realized that my college entrance examination was soon approaching. I became very anxious and regretted that I had not worked hard, and worried that I would not do well. While looking at Master’s portrait, a clear message entered my mind, “Study hard and persist, as there is nothing to worry about!”
When feeling dejected over some problems with my studies, I listened to Master’s lectures. Every word Master said went into my mind. As I listened, I realized that I was experiencing something truly precious and beautiful. At that moment, the barrier that had been obstructing my path to Dafa collapsed.
Looking Inward
When I study the Fa now, the great law of Dafa unfolds before me. I feel the might and compassion of Dafa, as well as how lucky I am to have obtained it. I feel that my body and mind are changing, and I improve my behavior and thoughts.
One morning, I woke up as the words “look inward” flashed across my mind. I knew I had many more attachments to eliminate.
Nothing can be forced, so if it is mine, I will not lose it. Although I needed to put more effort into my studies, I didn’t pursue the actual results. This helped me shed most of the mental burden toward the exam.
I had previously wanted to wait until after the examination to start memorizing Zhuan Falun. Given this activity, I realized that the examination was just one of the tasks in the everyday people's environment, and there was nothing unique about it. Memorizing the Fa would be important to my cultivation path for the rest of my life.
Cultivating More Diligently
As I continued my Fa study, I regretted my many mistakes from the past. I know that the Buddha Fa is in perfect harmony, and a practitioner should be selfless and considerate of others. I realized that my first mistake was being unfilial to my mother.
When I was half asleep, I once saw that a person killed me with a gun. Although the looks were different, I knew that the person was my mother in this life. No wonder I felt resentment toward her. Although I was aware of this cause and effect, and controlled my actions toward her, I had not truly forgiven her.
After more Fa study, I realized that according to the laws of the old universe, the essence of life is selfishness. Hence, the mentality of “an eye for an eye” appeared on Earth.
The new universe uses kindness to resolve conflicts. Lives are selfless and the world is pure and wonderful. I thought, “Why can’t I put down this selfishness and repay others with kindness?” I then put down the hatred toward my mother and changed the way I talked to her. My mother also changed, and we now live in harmony.
The night that I apologized to my mother for my selfishness and rudeness, she was pleasantly touched and forgave me. Then I saw a small, shiny blue word that read “passed” written on the bottle before me. When I turned the bottle around, the words “good future” were written on the other side. I knew that Master was encouraging me to cultivate more diligently!
Having Faith in Master and Dafa
I have occasionally sensed that my human side was confused over what is real, being attached to the words of everyday people. Yet I know that Dafa is the essence of goodness. I have suppressed these thoughts. Yet I was still confused and finally asked Master for guidance.
When reading cultivation articles on the Minghui website, the words “Unable to distinguish between kindness and evilness” came to mind.
This helped me understand that with a clear and objective mind, one can distinguish between right and wrong, and good and evil. Every bit of confusion is a choice between good and evil. These choices determine the type of beings we wish to become, and whether we can assimilate to Dafa.
Every time our faith falters, we have to make a decision between good and evil. Only when we believe in Master and the Fa will we see the Fa’s laws and act righteously with righteous thoughts.
Category: Improving Oneself
