How Writing Articles for Fa Conferences Helped Me Identify Attachments to Jealousy and Showing Off
(Minghui.org) I have been practicing Falun Dafa for 12 years. I cannot remember when I started to write experience sharing articles for Fa Conferences [referring to the China online Fahui], as I have probably written 7 - 8 articles over the years when encouraged to do so by fellow practitioners. Although my articles haven’t been published on the Minghui website, I find my own shortcomings and make improvements every time I write an article.
I would like to share how I discovered attachments to jealousy and showing off while writing experience sharing articles.
How I Became Aware of My Jealousy
I read a large number of articles by fellow practitioners before writing my own. After reading their articles I concluded to myself that I have also accomplished these same things. I felt that I'd even done some things better than they. So I thought I would write them out, to show my fellow practitioners how well I have done, even though I only started my cultivation not so long ago.
Then I started to write my own article. I got very tired as I wrote and wrote until midnight. When writing about one experience, I didn’t feel that it was particularly outstanding. When writing about another experience, I didn’t find it gratifying. Which one did I want to choose? Which situation was the most prominent? I found myself tearing up what I had just written and starting again. After awhile, I felt it difficult to carry on writing and thought I should study the Fa more and read more articles by other practitioners.
I then read the articles by practitioners, but I did not feel that what they had experienced was that earth-shattering, and seemed pretty normal. Why couldn’t I write out my own sharing, even though I had also experienced similar situations?
Feeling stuck, I continued to write, but I still failed to really write anything worthwhile. Finally I gave up trying to write my article.
One day I was studying the Fa and came across the following:
“When a qigong master teaches a class, someone may sit there with disrespect: "Oh, what sort of qigong master is he? I’m not even interested in listening to what he says." The qigong master may indeed be unable to talk as well as this person does. Nevertheless, what the qigong master talks about is something only from his own school of practice.” (Lecture Seven in Zhuan Falun)
After reading this, I knew that Teacher was talking about me. I realized that my attachment of jealousy interfered with my ability to write articles.
From that time on, I have gradually understood the meaning of “to understand the Fa from within the Fa” as talked about by my fellow practitioners. When I went back to reading articles by practitioners, I was actually moved to tears several times. I was surprised that reading practitioners’ articles with a different state of mind would make such a great difference and I truly appreciated the magic of “looking inward.”
Discovering My Attachment to Showing Off
Upon reading the reminder for authors not to “validate themselves” in their articles for the Fa Conference, I began thinking about the difference between “validating oneself” and “validating the Fa.” But I was still in the dark as to what to write in order to validate the Fa. I was aware that I must have some attachments, but I couldn’t find them.
Then, as a starting point, I tried to find my attachments by looking at the origin of my every thought. I found out that everything I do is about “myself” – how I have done this job, how many difficulties I have overcome, how many hardships I have suffered and how well I have done something. I began to see that my thoughts and actions were motivated by my desire for fellow practitioners to see that everything I have done is good, and subconsciously I wanted to set an example for others. But, don’t I want to validate myself? Wasn't this typical Party-culture thoughts? Didn't I need to fundamentally change my thinking?
How to validate the Fa by writing an article? I felt that I should change my notions when preparing to write. I should think about what tribulations I've encountered in cultivation practice; how I have overcome them with the guidance of the Fa; what I have enlightened to from the Fa; and how the Fa finally manifests its meaning.
After that I read articles by practitioners to find the gaps between me and my fellow practitioners. This approach has made a world of difference, but I still failed to find the “root” – what exact attachment I have. Upon seeing my heart of wanting to improve in cultivation, Master gave me a hint.
“Whether it is your supernormal abilities or your Unlocking of Gong, you achieve them through practicing cultivation in Dafa. If you put Dafa in a secondary place and put your supernatural powers in the primary place, or as an enlightened person you believe that what you understand one way or another is correct, or if you even regard yourself as being great and beyond Dafa, I would say that you have already started to stumble. It would be dangerous and you would become ever worse.” (Lecture Six in Zhuan Falun)
After reading this, I suddenly realized that I had an attachment to showing off and I couldn’t keep my tears from flowing. For over a decade, how Master has been taking care of me! I am so moved that I cannot carry on with my writing right now.
Dear fellow practitioners, especially older practitioners who have never written any articles, please pick up your pens and start to write your experience sharing for the next Fa Conference.