My Son's Home Became Harmonious
(Minghui.org) Even though I have practiced Falun Dafa for 21 years, I have only recently understood how wonderful it is to look inside and be considerate of others.
I had a strong personality and tended to be very serious about everything I did. I strived to appear agreeable, but at home, as soon as my husband disagreed with me, I became very tough with him.
After I started practicing Falun Dafa, I looked inside and improved a little in this regard, but I felt that something was missing between my husband and me, and there was a lack of mutual respect. Even though I tried to be a good wife, conducting myself according to the standards of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, I couldn't find the reason for my reactions to him.
My daughter-in-law gave birth to a baby in August 2016. They invited me to live with them for a month to help with the baby. At their home, I conducted myself following the standards of Dafa, bearing in mind Master's words,
“In genuine cultivation practice one must cultivate one’s own heart and inner self. One should search inside oneself rather than outside.” (Zhuan Falun)
I noticed that my daughter-in-law was never pleased with whatever my son did. She was very aggressive, and her words were full of complaints, distrust, contempt, demands, and forcefulness. The family atmosphere was very tense.
I watched them with pain in my heart. As a practitioner, I could not take sides. I tried to soften the atmosphere, but it didn't work.
Master said that looking inside is the fundamental difference between a Dafa practitioner and an everyday person. I reminded myself to look inside instead of blaming my daughter-in-law. After a long while, it suddenly occurred to me: “Isn't my daughter-in-law an exact copy of me?”
I have been married to my husband for 35 years. Looking back on all our conflicts and arguments, I realized that they were all caused by my worrying about him not living up to my standards. If he did what I wanted, we were fine—if he didn't, I became upset. I had constantly looked down on him.
My complaints and criticism were the norm in our house. If my husband talked back, there would be a fight, sometimes even turning into a physical fight. I always compared his shortcomings to my strengths and found nothing good about him.
Through looking inside, I realized I was wrong. My heart ached after seeing how my daughter-in-law treated my son. If my mother-in-law was alive and saw how I treated her son, wouldn't she also be heartbroken? I couldn't hold back my regret and tears. I felt so sorry for my husband. I had been unknowingly controlling him, keeping him from living up to his potential. I had made him live in a compromise for 35 years.
I became determined to change. Since my husband is the head of the household, as long as what he does is legal, I will let him do things his way.
After returning from my son's home, I was amazed to find everything in perfect order except for the cleanliness. My husband was taking care of the farm, selling vegetables, cooking for himself, and making pickled vegetables, which tasted very good. I had never had him make them before, but this time I just gave him the instructions over the phone, and he did so well!
When I was truly able to let go of my controlling mentality, I discovered many of my husband’s strengths. He is hardworking, he can analyze and predict outcomes, he is loyal and caring for the family, he never holds grudges, he takes personal gain lightly he always looks on the bright side, he is very generous, and he always gives me his earnings without questioning how I spend it because he trusts me.
I changed and learned how to persuade others. I chatted with my daughter-in-law and shared my story with her. I told her that in order to maintain a harmonious family, the couple must make decisions together, and it will not work if one spouse is too demanding, because that would hurt the other spouse's feelings. Even if the couple does not divorce, the family would not be harmonious.
After chatting and sharing with my daughter-in-law several times, she started to change.
I then talked with my son and said to him, “From now on, if you disagree with your wife, speak up calmly. Others will agree with you if they find what you say reasonable. Try not to lose your temper, as it hurts others' feelings and can harm the relationship.”
Through my efforts, the atmosphere in my son’s home has changed. The aggressiveness is gone, and the couple can now discuss issues calmly.
My husband and I now treat each other with respect, and I actively cooperate with whatever he is doing. He sometimes discusses problems with me when he cannot make a decision, and I offer my suggestions in a kind manner. My home is peaceful and harmonious.
Thank you Master! Thank you Falun Dafa! Without cultivation practice in Falun Dafa, I would never have realized my wrongdoings. Master and Dafa have given me a warm home.