(Minghui.org) I read Master's lecture, “Fa Teaching at the New York Fa Conference on the Twenty-Fifth Anniversary of Dafa’s Introduction,” and then practitioners' sharing articles. I cried when I learned that Master had been coughing during the Fa conference. It made me sad and I felt ashamed.
A few years ago, I saw a photo of Master with many little red dots. I wished I could take on some of those little red dots. As soon as that thought emerged, an overwhelming sense of pressure poured down on me. It felt like boulders weighing thousands of tons were pressing on my body and my chest. An inexplicable force held me so tight that I could not breathe. I felt tremendous pain and could not move.
I thought I was going to die, and yelled, “Master please help me! I can't take it anymore!” The pressure was instantly gone. The episode took only two or three seconds, but I had already gone through a test of life-and-death.
I had lingering fear afterward, and realized I had overestimated my capabilities. I could not imagine what Master had to forbear for practitioners and all sentient beings.
A practitioner made a mistake in cultivation last year. While meditating, I saw she was an angel. Her wings became all black, dripping black ink. She looked at her wings with sadness. As soon as she repented, Master gave her pure white wings and bore her karma.
“You have already made it through the most difficult time. So as for your last attachment, you must be sure to let go of it. I know all of the suffering of my disciples. The truth is, I treasure you more than you treasure yourselves!” (“Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s)” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Even though some of us have not always been diligent in the last few years, Master continued to protect us, treasure us, and point things out to us. I did not cherish the time and everything Master gave me. I was instead attached to comfort, and stumbled on my cultivation path. When I realized this, I was so ashamed. I felt unworthy of Master and the beings in my heavenly world!
As soon as I recognized my mistakes, I decided to cultivate steadily, and I arranged my daily schedule accordingly. I realized that all my feelings, emotions, and desires were byproducts of selfishness, and were not my true self.
When I am selfless, I do not complain, bicker, or become jealous. Instead, I see others' strengths and put others before myself; my heart is pure and I only want to save sentient beings.