Getting to the Root of My Jealousy
(Minghui.org) As a youngster, I lived with my grandmother. She told me about how good is rewarded with good, evil is met with evil, and that heaven is a beautiful paradise.
Master Li has taught me the path to return to heaven – by practicing Falun Dafa. I really treasure this opportunity and want to study the Fa diligently and walk straight on my cultivation path. However, there has been a roadblock that slowed me down – the attachment of jealousy.
A Minghui article entitled “The Fa Rectified My Deviated Thoughts” seemed to apply specifically to me. It helped me find my deeply hidden jealousy.
In the past, I did not think that jealousy applied to me because I was a very simple and straightforward person and had a good personality. I was always positive and loved to help others. People who knew me said good things about me. I also felt good about myself, until I read the above-mentioned article.
In measuring myself with the Dafa principles, I could see that I was self-centered. Whenever I did something good, I expected people to say nice things about me, which was seeking fame, or I expected to gain some benefit. I felt uneasy or unbalanced when things did not go well as I expected – a sense of jealousy. It was as Master had said in his publications.
Master said: “Because jealousy is really intense in China, so intense it’s become natural, and people can’t sense it in themselves anymore.” (Zhuan Falun)
“A wicked person is born of jealousy. Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.” (“Realms” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
One way my jealousy manifested was disrespecting others. When my husband had a conflict with my daughter, I urged my daughter to respect her father. Yet, in the meantime, I used their conflict to express my long-term dissatisfaction with my husband. This twisted mentality was so selfish and had developed throughout the years of indoctrination by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). It made me lose control when I encountered conflict and forget that I am a Dafa cultivator who should think of others first.
Another manifestation of my jealousy appeared to be self-importance and arrogance. Such behavior and speech were moving away from Dafa or disrespectful of Dafa.
For quite some time, I felt hopeless about my Dafa cultivation. I suffered from self-blame and frequently broke into tears. I felt strongly that I let Master down, but I could not see the root of my arrogance. After many hours of Fa study, I felt better, but I still could not completely overcome it. This was caused by jealousy, which blocked me from assimilating into Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
“If somebody has good news and lets other people know, they’ll get incredibly jealous right away. If somebody gets an award at his company or somewhere else, or if he gets something good, he won’t dare say a word about it because other people will get upset when they hear about it. (Zhuan Falun)
“Jealousy is very serious, because it directly impacts whether we can cultivate to Perfection. If jealousy isn’t eliminated, all the thoughts you’ve cultivated become fragile. There’s a rule: a person who doesn’t get rid of jealousy while cultivating cannot achieve a True Fruition—he definitely won’t achieve a True Fruition. (Zhuan Falun)
Looking within, I found that all the jealousy symptoms that Master mentioned were also displayed by me. What should I do? I must get rid of jealousy, but first I should find its root-cause. I listened to Disintegrate the Party Culture several times. I suddenly understood that I had been brainwashed by the CCP for many years, which dragged me step by step into jealousy. The CCP culture is the root cause of jealousy. I must recognize it and get rid of it.
I stopped complaining to my husband at home, and I stopped complaining about other people's behavior when I clarified the facts about Dafa. Instead, I treated people as victims of the CCP and that they needed help. I also realized that the CCP culture is a major block for practitioners in China to effectively validate and spread Dafa in China.
“You should make sure this jealousy is removed. This mentality is really dangerous, as it can make you slack off in all aspects of your cultivation, destroying you. You cannot have jealousy." (“Fa Teaching at the New York Fa Conference on the Twenty-Fifth Anniversary of Dafa’s Introduction”)
When I found the jealousy hidden within me and eradicated it, my mind became clear. After studying the Fa and sending forth righteous thoughts, I felt that I was at another level of cultivation. I felt that all my body elements unified, and there was no longer any distraction.
When I was confused or in pain, Dafa lifted me up and gave me the courage to go forward. When I was deceived, Master gave me strength and gave me the key to solving any problem – looking within. I will continue to dig deeply for any aspects of jealousy until I have them completely removed.