The Fa Rectified My Deviated Thoughts
(Minghui.org) Getting rid of attachments is most important to a Falun Dafa practitioner, Therefore, I want to share with other practitioners how attachments affected me and how I went about getting rid of them.
Cultivating in Vain Despite Involved in Dafa Work
“The issue of jealousy is very serious as it directly involves the matter of whether you can complete cultivation practice. If jealousy is not abolished, everything that you have cultivated will become fragile. There is this rule: If in the course of cultivation practice jealousy is not given up, one will not attain Right Fruit—absolutely not.” (Zhuan Falun)
I have been reading the above Fa truth over and over again and can even recite it. However, it did not spur me into getting rid of jealousy. Master has stressed that one cannot attain the Right Fruit if one does not give up jealousy. This means that as long as I have this attachment, I would cultivate in vain, even if I had done a lot of Dafa work.
It never occurred to me that I was the jealous type. I did not have conflicts with colleagues at work. I always readily accepted criticism. At home I might have some conflicts with my husband, who is also a practitioner, regarding child care. But these were all trivial matters, which I thought resulted from my sentimentality toward them. These things did not affect my cultivation.
As I memorized a lot of the Fa and shared my experiences a lot at group Fa study, local practitioners praised me, saying that I did a good job and maintained my xinxing well. However, I did not cultivate regarding the issue of jealousy and thus missed a lot of opportunities to improve.
Discovering the Root of Jealousy
A while ago I realized that I was too busy doing things. As a result I was interfered with because of my attachment to seeking comfort. I felt it was hard to break through.
Practitioner Rong (alias) shared with me. “Do you know that you talked about me behind my back once,” she said. “You did not cultivate your speech. I thought you were jealous when you talked about me. You were not helping me. Instead you wanted to prove that you were right and I was wrong.”
I apologized to her and started to look within for my jealousy after she left. I recalled what I had said to her and what my first thoughts were about her when I met her a couple of years ago. I realized that I indeed was the jealous type and jealous of her.
Jealousy had been in my dimensional field. It grew gradually, generated bad substances, and caused harm to other people. I said to Master that I was wrong. I later shared with Rong from my heart and apologized sincerely for hurting her.
Actually I did not cultivate well. I was doing things, but not cultivating myself a lot of the time. I indeed had jealousy and it had grown, but I hid it deeply. Therefore, I sent out a strong thought: “I have omissions. I will rectify them in the Fa. I do not allow any beings to persecute me.”
Local practitioners sent forth righteous thoughts to help me. I spent more time studying the Fa, doing the exercises, and sending forth righteous thoughts. I finally passed the test. In a dream, I saw that Master had borne most of the karma for me.
“When I teach the Fa, I often bring up the issue of jealousy. Why is this? It is because jealousy is displayed very strongly in China. It is so strong that it has become natural and one does not even feel it.” (Zhuan Falun)
I managed to find the root of my jealousy. I was introverted when I was a child, and it was easy to have jealousy in my heart. I was awarded “the Best Employee” when I was at my first job in a hotel. The reason was that I was good-tempered and provided good service to customers. But, I lost my temper at home. My husband asked me how I managed to display a good temper at work. Being indoctrinated by the Communist Party from when I was young, my character was a bit twisted and this was the root for developing jealousy. I had been unaware of it.
Improving Through Solid Cultivation
One day another practitioner told me, “It is useless that you have studied the Fa so much and can even recite the Fa, because you don't cultivate yourself. If you don't cultivate, you can't obtain the Fa and you are unable to improve.”
I remained motionless for several seconds. That was what I had wanted to tell her. Her words reflected my thoughts. This made me wonder why we had the same thought about each other. I realized that when I saw that someone had an attachment, this kind of substance was actually in my dimension as well. Master used her to let me see my problem so that I could cultivate it away and improve.
I identified a long-term stubborn notion of mine, which was that I used the Fa to measure other practitioners. When I read the Fa or Minghui sharing articles, my mind would say that such and such practitioners were behaving like that. When I saw two practitioners in conflicts, I would immediately think of this Fa. I used the Fa to measure other practitioners, not myself.
When other practitioners blamed me, I would accept their criticism superficially. But, this Fa came into my mind:
“Nowadays, people behave this way and will first of all avoid responsibility upon coming across a problem, regardless of whether they are at fault.” (Zhuan Falun)
I measured other people using Master's Fa again. What I said was also different from what I thought. It was not in line with the Fa principle of Truthfulness. I asked Master to help me clear out my wrong thoughts. I sent forth righteous thoughts to get rid of them. I negated them and eliminated them as soon as such a notion entered my mind. They have become weaker and weaker now.
I would look within when I saw other people's conflict. If I had cultivated well and my field was righteous, the conflicts would not happen before me. Now, I immediately look within for any shortcomings.
When I saw other practitioners had attachments, I would remind myself that I had problems and that was why I saw them. I would indeed find my own problem if I truly looked within. If I could not understand why other practitioners said such a thing or behaved in such a way, I would tell myself that every practitioner would have his or her own way to enlighten and might not follow my ideas. The Fa is so immense that everything would be rectified. Instantly I would become tolerant towards other practitioners and understand them.
Though I am doing the same things as before, my mindset has changed. The Fa has rectified my deviated thoughts.