Vanquishing Egoism and Attaining a State of Compassion

(Minghui.org) Before I began practicing Falun Dafa six years ago, I had been searching for a master and a cultivation way that would truly let me cultivate. I did not want to leave society to cultivate, however, because I believed that everyone has a mission to fulfill. I felt that I was needed by people. When I learned Dafa in 2009, I felt deep in my heart that I had found my Master. Everything felt very familiar, and I felt great gratitude.

When I read Master's new articles, I became aware of my responsibilities and the importance of saving sentient beings. It therefore troubled me that I came across so many tribulations in this area. Whenever I was on my way to an information day to introduce Falun Dafa and expose the persecution in China, or when I wanted to save someone, I experienced heart palpitations, colds, uncomfortable pressure in my chest, and shivers. I felt unsure and not like myself. I was often in a state of great anxiety.

I had the impression that my fellow practitioners could eliminate the evil substances and negative attitudes of people while talking to them, while I could not, because of this interference. Although I worked on this problem by sending righteous thoughts, there was no significant change, and I felt desperate. I really wanted to do well, and asked myself such questions as, “Why am I experiencing this state?” and “Why am I not able to break through this tribulation?” and so on.

Advancing in My Cultivation While Promoting Shen Yun

When I became involved in the Shen Yun promotion for the first time, I visited shops along with a Chinese practitioner. Again I felt that anxiety. I was unsure of what to say to the people, and even hesitated to go into the shop. Then, my fellow practitioner just pushed me through the door. I therefore had no time to focus on these negative states and thoughts, and I just had to act without thinking. The interference thus disappeared. I realized that I had been focusing on the problem and on the desperate questions mentioned above, which means that I had allowed my heart to be moved, and had put myself lower than the problem.

But only after I found the root of my attachments, could I really understand and eliminate this interference. Thanks to hints from non-practitioners, I realized that I had the wish for others to like me. I've since found more and more of my attachments, most of which are fundamentally based on my ego. I also recognized that the old forces saw this attachment, took advantage of my loophole, hindered my saving of sentient beings, and were interfering with my cultivation.

Shen Yun is a precious gift and a project that helps me to elevate in my cultivation and break through the impasses. I was able to help at a promotional booth for the first time in 2015. I did not yet have a tablet computer, so when I started a conversation with a passerby, my fellow practitioners came and showed them the promotional video on their tablets. Then, they took over the conversation. This happened every time, and I began to feel uncomfortable. I had the feeling that they did not think that I was capable of doing well (I later realized that I was afraid of not fitting their expectations). I also thought that the practitioners did not have upright thoughts because they talked a lot about our clothing, making what seemed like judgmental remarks.

When a more experienced fellow practitioner once again took over, I suddenly felt very heavy in my heart. I felt that I hadn't had any opportunities to talk to the public about Shen Yun. The substance in the area of my heart caused me pain and pressure. I could hardly hold back my tears.

The environment also changed, and the passersby seemed to become unfriendly towards me. I sent righteous thoughts, to no avail. Thanks to the compassion of fellow practitioners, it became easier for me to look within. I realized that I was focusing too much on wanting to do well again, which meant that I wanted to prove myself. I did not want others think poorly of me, nor to be criticized. Out of pride, I rejected the support of other practitioners and pressured myself to do everything perfectly the first time.

I also judged my fellow practitioners for their discussion about our clothing, which was similar to putting myself above them. This all meant that I was not cooperating well. As soon as I realized this, the ego substance was destroyed, and the passersby no longer rejected me. I subsequently felt strong energy during our conversations, and we were all successful that day.

I am grateful that Master arranged for Shen Yun to come to Bremen. Many of my relatives live in that town and thus were saved. Wherever I went, I met people with predestined relationships, and Master guided and arranged every detail. For example, a woman was so touched by the conversation at our booth that she gave as a special cake as a gift (it was a heart, since it was Valentines day). I ate some of it during my break, and a man sitting next to me spoke to me because of that cake. Unfortunately, I had no flyers with me and could not turn the conversation to Shen Yun. During my next break, however, I suddenly thought about going to a particular shop. There, I ran into the man again and gave him a flyer. I learned that, although we often think that we come up with an idea ourselves, in reality it may be much more complicated and grand. I often experience such situations, where people appear just at the moment we want to talk to them, or Master sends my friends and others with predestined relationships to the shops near our promotional booth, even though they had never gone to that shop before. It was very moving.

I needed a tablet computer do better carry out our promotional activities, but I was not familiar with them. I put out classified ads and sent out inquiries. Suddenly I was asked to pay over 200 Euros for a device I didn’t really want. I felt uncomfortable, but then I said to myself, “It’s only money. It’s really only money.” I remembered Master's words:

“Material wealth does not come with birth, and neither will it go with you after death—they are very hollow.” (Zhuan Falun)

I decided to call the man and explain my situation to him openly and honestly. This call resolved the problem immediately, and the man was very nice. I got the tablet I needed. Because of this situation, I enlightened to the importance of being open and sincere in a deeper way, and it became a key for me in destroying the ego substance.

Because of my ego, I often experienced feelings like fear and uncertainty in the past. These feelings were the reason why I didn't want to tell my parents that I was helping with the Shen Yun promotion every weekend. I also thought, in order to have more time for the promotion, I wouldn't be able to visit my parents during that time. When I shared these notions with a fellow practitioner, the feelings (substance) of being afraid of my parent´s rejection and misunderstanding were eliminated. I subsequently visited my parents and told them everything I was doing, openly and honestly, without any feeling of fear.

Everything happened in just the opposite way of what I had expected, and I got together my parents more often than usual so that we had more opportunities to talk about Shen Yun. As it turns out, my parents were impressed and proud of me. Because of my changed approach, my parents also gained a deeper understanding of Shen Yun. My mother even helped promote Shen Yun to her friends. I had the wish to talk to my grandfather about Shen Yun in person, but I didn't know when I'd have the time. Suddenly my mother said that she told my grandfather and his girlfriend about Shen Yun, and that they had already bought tickets. Master provided my family a wonderful opportunity to be saved and to gain mighty virtue.

On another occasion, while working at a Shen Yun promotion booth, I gained a deeper understanding of the ego substance. I realized that this substance was causing me to periodically seek encouragement from a fellow practitioner at the booth. Again I felt pressure around my heart, caused by this substance. I enlightened that attachments or sentiments are like demons or manifestations of substances that need to be fed; otherwise, they would be destroyed. When we are not aware of these attachments, they can even have an impact on our behavior. I resisted and sent righteous thoughts. Much of the substance was eliminated.

This circumstance interfered with my saving of sentient beings for a long time. I've been able to eliminate the substance only because I enlightened to it in a deeper way and found my attachments, which the old forces were using as a loophole. I now send righteous thoughts to destroy that ego substance. My words subsequently have more power when I talk to people, which helps eliminate any evil substances or false notions.

Regaining the Early Joy of Cultivation

I also wondered for a long time how I could regain the happiness I experienced when I first started cultivating. While working on Shen Yun promotion, I realized that I often felt pressure. I was constantly thinking about what I had to do next, as if following a checklist, just one step ahead and barely keeping up. Because of this, I couldn't calm down for a long time while doing the exercises or studying the Fa. I realized that I had thoughts such as, “I must do exercise so and so,” or “I already studied the Fa, now I have to do the exercises…” without realizing that doing the exercises had become like a formality. I changed my thoughts to, “I want to do the exercises.” When I think like that, I once again feel the pure happiness and sacredness in my heart, as it was when I first began cultivating.

I also had a lot of interfering thoughts while studying the Fa, including even thoughts like being able to read better than others, and so on. Of course, I knew that these were wrong, and I negated them, but I did not actively eliminate them with righteous thoughts. I noticed that some kind of entity was disturbing me when I read the Fa, bringing me these thoughts. I now understand that this situation was part of the arrangement of using my ego as a loophole. I realized that my body is a cosmos, and that I am in charge of it. When I have feelings such as pain, tension, or pressure, I use righteous thoughts to focus on these particular areas of my cosmos, the worlds, realms, living beings, and substances, and clean it out or correct it.

I no longer read as many pages of the Fa as before, but I give the Fa my undivided attention when I study. I find Zhuan Falun fascinating and incredibly deep, and I receive many hints from Master. When I can't concentrate while doing the exercises, I simply stop, clear my thoughts, and look within for as long as necessary until I can concentrate again. This helps me to attain the sacred feeling I had at the beginning of my cultivation.

The Power of Our Thoughts

There was a time when I was in a poor cultivation state, and the old forces used my ego and arranged a complicated relationship with a man. As a result, I had a lot of problems caused by sentimentality. I am so grateful to Master that he never gave up on me, and that he encouraged me in this hour with the following hint:

“Under such difficult circumstances, this person is still not lost and wants to come back. As a result, people will help him and unconditionally give him a hand—they will help him with anything.” (Zhuan Falun)

“My fashen know everything—they know everything on your mind, and they can do anything. They will not take care of you if you do not practice cultivation. If you practice cultivation, they will help you all the way to the end.” (Zhuan Falun)

I was moved by Master's compassion and realized that I was not studying the Fa with a calm mind, but instead just beating myself up. Master helped me understand the boundless power and benevolence of the Fa, and that cultivators can pass every tribulation. I also realized that I felt physical discomfort because my thoughts complied not with the Fa, but instead with my emotional baggage.

Master said:

“Whichever kind of life form your thinking aligns with, that life form will immediately have an effect on you.” (“Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa - Fa Teaching Given at the 2011 Washington DC Metro Area Fa Conference”)

My understanding is that when our thoughts are not upright, the old forces take advantage of them and impose physical problems. I believe that we also create such situations with our thoughts.

It may first appear to be a small problem, like an illusion that can be easily eliminated with righteous thoughts. But if we look at it with human thoughts, don’t immediately eliminate it, and refuse to change our thoughts, then this condition and this substance will grow and manifest. Therefore, it is very important that our hearts remain unmoved. We should remind ourselves that no matter what happens, no matter how someone acts, we will follow only Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance and aim to be a being that exists only for others. During this difficult time I often reminded myself of this by repeating Master's teachings.

“I am rooted in the universe. If anyone can harm you, he or she would be able to harm me. Put simply, that person would be able to harm this universe.” (Zhuan Falun)

Because of this principle, I passed the tribulation, which was like the test of life and death for me. I looked at it as an opportunity to cultivate and eliminate more of my ego and emotional attachments.

Master said:

“If you are free from this sentimentality, nobody can affect you. An everyday person’s mind will be unable to sway you. What takes over in its place is benevolence, which is something more noble.” (Zhuan Falun)

Compassion

Compassion is the state of the divine. As a practitioner, I want to always think of others first and consider what would be best for others. We have to be compassionate with others. We should not have bad thoughts about others or judge anyone; instead, we should tell others about attachments we notice in them in a compassionate way. We have all been chosen as Dafa disciples by Master. In this environment, we have formed many attachments during our reincarnations. To return home now, we have to let go of everything. Let us support one another, awaken one another, and show sympathy for one another in this process.

Master said:

“Of course, this undertaking hasn't been completed yet, Fa-rectification hasn't been concluded, so there's still a chance for you to do well again. Indeed, as long as there's still one day when the persecution hasn't ended, that day is an opportunity. Use it well, do better, come back sooner, and don't miss any more opportunities. Don't dwell on your past mistakes—if you've made mistakes, then do well from now on. Don't think about the things that have happened. Think about how to do well from now on, and become truly responsible to yourself and to sentient beings.” (Touring North America to Teach the Fa)

I think that we should save as many sentient beings as possible. I have had a recurring dream that a big flood will cover Germany. It is a really horrible scene, as so many sentient beings are destroyed. I think we should not feel discouraged because the end is near, but take it as an encouragement to be more diligent.

Master said:

“The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts.” (“Drive Out Interference” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)

The above is my own understanding, which is limited to my cultivation level.

I thank Master for his boundless compassion. I also thank my fellow practitioners for their support during this one special life we all have waited for.