(Minghui.org) My daughter returned to practicing Falun Dafa in early 2012, and I was happy for her. It made me examine my own cultivation, and I was surprised to find that my cultivation state had been affecting her and other family members.
My Daughter Returned to Cultivation
I used to take my daughter to the practice site after I began practicing Falun Dafa. Sometimes she studied the Fa and did the exercises with the adults. But as she grew up, she was influenced by society and began to dress weirdly and became materialistic. She stopped reading Dafa books and had no interest in cultivating after I was persecuted.
As a practitioner, I did not know how to look within, and I frequently lost my temper with my daughter. The first thought that popped into my head each time was that it was her fault. I always thought that she was at odds with me.
I was arrested and sentenced to jail for giving out Falun Dafa materials. After that, my daughter started to have seizures. The doctor said she had epilepsy and would have to take medicine for the rest of her life. I did not connect her problem with my cultivation state.
It Was Really My Problem
After I was released from jail, I was very fearful. Master made it possible for me to attend many Fa-study sessions in 2011, which really helped me. I also started my own truth-clarification material production site. My xinxing kept improving along the way. I realized that my daughter’s health problem was due to my cultivation issues and that I needed to look within.
I printed a truth-clarification pamphlet and gave it to her for the first time. She obviously was very afraid. I immediately realized it was because I was still fearful of being persecuted. I asked Master to strengthen me. I then gave her more Falun Dafa materials and observed that she was much calmer this time. However, she just quickly looked through them. My heart was not moved, and I was not worried. She was helping me to remove my urge to complete everything quickly and my strong will to force others to do as I wished.
Two weeks later, I found an article I thought she would be interested in. I gave her a truth-clarification item for the third time. She took it and carefully read it. This encouraged me to keep looking within and remove my fear and other attachments. My daughter also became less and less fearful.
One night, she had an epileptic seizure. It was the first in a very long time. I pushed my finger into her mouth to prevent her from biting her tongue. I held onto a thought that my daughter had no ailment and that I would not allow the old forces to persecute my daughter regardless of any shortcomings in my own cultivation.
I had been told that my fingers could be bitten off or broken. I had some pain, but it was bearable. I knew Master had bore most of it for me.
“You are not ill. It was Master reminding you to cultivate."
I told my daughter what happened after she recovered. She was touched. I told her, “You are not ill. It was Master reminding you to cultivate. Would you come with me to the Fa-study group?” She nodded in agreement.
She joined the Fa-study group, developed righteous thoughts, and other practitioners encouraged her. The third time she came to Fa study, she decided to resume her cultivation. Through my daughter’s course of returning to the Fa, I realized that my cultivation state had directly affected my family.
Master said:
“Sometimes, when kids on the mountain behave poorly, I know that their parents haven’t cultivated well.” (“Fa teaching Given at the 2014 San Francisco Fa Conference”)
I was happy that my daughter was cultivating again and regretted deeply what my own poor cultivation state had caused. I apologized to her.
Master also told us:
“Focus on how you study and cultivate,Let each and every thingbe measured against the Fa.” (“Solid Cultivation” from Hong Yin)
My Husband Changed after I Looked Within
My husband and I worked in the same department; we were both middle-level officials. He took good care of me, and he is very capable, so I was very dependant on him.
Looking Outward Caused a Division Between Us
After the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began to persecute Falun Dafa, I knew that, as a Dafa disciple, I should clarify the truth to help restore Master’s reputation. But I dared not talk about Falun Dafa at work, and I dared not spread information about Falun Dafa in public. I worried that my and my husband’s careers would be ruined.
Due to my over-reliance on my husband, I sometimes asked his opinion when I needed to work on a truth-clarification project. I hoped that he would support and understand me, but each time he disappointed me. I silently blamed him, since he had already witnessed how Dafa had restored my health, but now he could not stand by me and support my Dafa project.
I wrote him a very long letter. When I later asked about it, I found that he had no interest in reading the letter. I did not cultivate diligently to improve my xinxing, but instead I blamed him. There was an invisible wall separating us.
Division Resolved after I Looked Within
I talked to my husband about these things many times to try to save him, and I learned to watch what I said. If he spoke harshly or seemed agitated, I looked within myself to see which thought I had or what I had said that had irritated him. I reminded myself to be more careful the next time.
If he kept repeating a particular problem, I immediately thought, "Is this to remind me about something?" Thus, many bad substances that had accumulated in my dimensional field and prevented me from improving my xinxing were gradually removed. I now understand that I need to understand him, rather than that he needs to understand me.
My husband changed. He used to refuse to talk about Falun Dafa with me. Now he tells me when his co-worker talks about Falun Dafa being spread all over the world. I used to have to push him to watch NTD television. Now he likes to download and watch those programs. He used to say I was spending to much time on Dafa. Now he volunteers to do the household chores so I have more time to do Dafa work. He has even helped me prepare my truth-clarification materials. The gap between us was removed, and we have much to talk about.
Suing Jiang Made Our Family Happy Again
The changes in my daughter and my husband made me realize that balancing relationships with our family members is very important. We cannot lose the environment to cultivate ourselves in everyday life. Once our family members support us, it will be easier for us to do Dafa projects.
My Daughter Pushed Me to Join the Movement to Sue Jiang
My daughter and I joined a Fa-study session in June of last year. One practitioner there said, “Now Dafa practitioners are suing Jiang. We should, too.”
I kept quiet, but my daughter said to me, “We should sue Jiang because you were horribly persecuted. You need to do it even more than the others.”
Her words were full of righteousness, and she had a strong will that touched my attachment of fear. But I was still worried: “I might be persecuted again if I use my real name.” All sorts of selfish thoughts arose within me, and my whole body was filled with bad substances.
Master told us,
“Whatever you're attached to, that's what the evil beings will strengthen, and when your mind is off they will make you irrational.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference”)
I woke up and reminded myself: Jiang Zemin has committed a huge crime against humanity; arresting him is a very natural course of action; what do I have to fear? Putting Jiang on trial is everyone's duty, and it is another chance Master has granted us. It is a precious cultivation opportunity, so I need to overcome the test.
I felt Master remove the bad stuff from me after my righteous thoughts emerged. The depressing feeling I had was gone. My daughter told me that her lawsuit against Jiang was already done. She was now married, and she treated herself like a practitioner all the time in her family. So her husband supported her, including her lawsuit against Jiang. I was touched and began to write up my own lawsuit.
My Husband Helped Me to Look Within
I had another opportunity to look within while composing my lawsuit against Jiang. I had formed a bad habit since childhood of always needing a lot of time to write an article, so, while working on the lawsuit, I was sleepy, I itched all over, I could not sit still, and I experienced all sorts of other interference. It took me over a week to finish the initial draft.
One thought crossed my mind: My husband also came for the Fa; therefore, he should also be involved with the lawsuit. I asked him to help. He agreed without hesitation. I knew this was through Master’s help.
I read the lawsuit letter to him. He listened carefully and gave me many suggestions. His serious expression made me feel guilty. I got along with him in matters of everyday living, but whenever I mentioned Falun Dafa, we seemed to be separated by some substance. This was caused by my poor cultivation state, even though I had cultivated for 20 years. The wall between us was very strong. I needed to use the opportunity of suing Jiang to remove this wall.
I took his advice and rewrote the draft letter in two days. I asked him to help me again after he came home from work. He said there were several spots that still needed to be changed. My attachment to hearing only compliments arose. I did not agree with him and said he was being sarcastic.
He got mad and said, “You just like to hear sweet words.” He criticized me for a while. He said the last paragraph was redundant and deviated from the theme of the letter. He told me with a serious expression, “Do not ask me to help again. I won’t.”
His words cooled me down. “Maybe I do have problems,” I said. “Please read it again.”
He calmed down and said, “Try your best.”
I dligengtly studied the Fa that night. I apologized in my mind, “Master, I am wrong. I read the Jiang lawsuit again and saw that the last paragraph was indeed not suitable.” I realized that I needed to work hard on my cultivation.
Working Hard to Improve My Realm
I mailed the letter. I kept thinking about what my husband said. I realized it was Master giving me a hint to help me remove my attachment to hearing compliments and refusing to listen to criticism. This attachment had not been removed. When I faced the time to get rid of it, I first made many excuses to justify keeping that attachment.
Master said:
“If you want to improve yourself, you need to look inward and work hard on your mind.” (Zhuan Falun)
According to the Fa, what my husband said was exactly my problem. I asked myself, “Have I worked hard to temper my will and cultivate myself?”
The answer was "No, I had not." For example, I spent over a week writing a Fahui article. I did not bother to write an outline and just followed my thoughts.
I admitted my bad habit and decided to correct it. I took my husband’s suggestion to write an article for the August 2015 Minghui Fahui. This time it only took me only one day to finish a 5,000-word article.
I examined myself and found that I also did not spend enough time studying the truth-clarification materials. I was not familiar with the information, so how could I clarify the truth to others?
Through writing the lawsuit letter to sue Jiang, I learned about the present Chinese laws. I thought it was powerful to use the law to clarify the truth to Chinese people. I downloaded the laws and regulations and read them carefully. I learned about which laws protect the practice of Falun Dafa, which law protects our right to hand out Falun Dafa materials, and which law protects our right to talk to people about quitting the CCP. I also learned the details of how Jiang Zemin broke these laws and how he forced people to commit crimes. Suing Jiang is our right.
My daughter and I both learned to look within. My husband and our son-in-law now also behave in accordance with the Fa principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. We live together in harmony.
Thank you, Master and my fellow practitioners.
Category: Improving Oneself
