(Minghui.org) I provide technical support for practitioners doing Falun Dafa truth clarification projects in my area. However, over the past few years I have been distracted. Last fall I began experiencing symptoms of being ill, including feeling out of breath and feeling like something heavy was pressing down on me. The symptoms started after many fellow practitioners started to rely heavily on me, and expressed their admiration for me.
I've been memorizing the Fa for years, and several practitioners praised me when they heard this. They told others that I was in a great cultivation state. When I met other fellow practitioners, they usually said, “I've heard about you and how well you've cultivated.” I have never discussed my cultivation state with any fellow practitioner, so I don't know why they thought that I was in great cultivation state. There are many areas I've fallen short on, including many attachments I still haven't eliminated.
I became very troubled. As soon as they saw me, practitioners would surround me. One time, three practitioners tried to talk to me at the same time, asking for my technical help. Some practitioners asked for my help with everything. One asked me to repair a MP3 player. I didn't know how to repair it, but she said she had heard I had repaired one. (I reformatted one before.) Another practitioner asked me to repair an iPad. Some practitioners asked me about the pronunciation of words in Zhuan Falun. Other practitioners sent me to talk to practitioners who were not in a good cultivation state. Eventually, they asked me to do everything, including coordination, research, software installation, rescuing imprisoned fellow practitioners, and so on... They felt I would be able to handle anything. One fellow practitioner said it was because I had memorized the Fa, and they believed that everything I did would be according to the Fa.
After being given so many responsibilities, I eventually fell behind in Fa study. I asked a practitioner if she could give me a break. She said, “So many practitioners are counting on you. Think about it.” When I got back home, I immediately lay down and felt I couldn't move. Something heavy was pressing from the top of my head, and I had difficulty breathing. When fellow practitioners kept urging me to get things done, I just wished I could have a little time to adjust my cultivation state! I was so anxious that I wept! I wished I could split myself into eight people.
When I observed my fellow practitioners eagerly wanting to hear what I said during group study, I felt it wasn't correct. I started studying the Fa at home, and didn't attend group study for about two years. I didn't think it was correct to skip group study, so I eventually joined the group again. Once again, I soon encountered their overwhelming admiration and reliance. I resumed studying the Fa on my own for another two years.
This year, I didn't want to see or talk to anyone, and I became isolated. Sometimes I felt like I was on the verge of collapse due to pressure. I even began thinking of giving up cultivation. I had grievances against fellow practitioners. It felt like they were working together to pull me down. I recently realized that I have been persecuted by the old forces.
I know there are many areas where I need to improve. I'm just a ordinary cultivator like all fellow practitioners, and I never thought I was capable of doing everything just because I memorized some of Master's teachings, or because I knew some technology. Master made the arrangements for my cultivation. Unfortunately, I still have many attachments I haven't eliminated, and some of them are serious.
Fellow practitioners, please don't admire others or rely on them. If you follow an individual instead of the Fa, you may be following an arrangement made by the old forces. Admiring a fellow practitioner may burden him with degenerated materials. Once the admired person starts feeling superior, it will harm him.
I certainly don't want to blame any fellow practitioners. I'm writing this sharing article as an alert to point out how admiration and over-reliance can harm us and hinder our validation of the Fa, and offering salvation to sentient beings.
The above is my limited understanding. Please feel free to point out anything inappropriate.
Category: Improving Oneself
