Cultivating through a Severe Tribulation to Become Humble and Compassionate – Part II
(Minghui.org) Continued from Part I.
I described in my experience sharing article published for the 12th China Fahui in 2015 that I went through severe tribulation and xinxing changes after my husband had a stroke. My improvement in “xinxing” helped me negate the persecution arranged by the old forces.
My husband and I overcame many obstacles and checked out from the hospital on August 31, 2015. At that moment, nothing made me happier than holding the book Zhuan Falun (the main book of Falun Dafa) and assimilating ourselves into the Fa.
We then cultivated together. My husband read “Zhuan Falun” again and I became relaxed in sending righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil.
Going Astray in Fa
I was naive to think that we would remove the illusion of sickness and be free of tribulations once we left the hospital, studied the Fa, and practiced exercises with other practitioners. I thought that we would meet the standards of the Fa and Master would protect us as long as we did not take medicine.
I did not realize that the old forces would never give up doing evil things and still eyed us. They were weakened but not completely out.
My husband's physical health did not improve the first few months after we came home from the hospital. His xinxing had not improved either. As previously mentioned, the old forces did not want him to practice again.
He became dizzy and confused. His memory and speech started to deteriorate. I was scared and became too attached to his physical condition again. The more I was attached, the more hopeless I felt. I could not study the Fa diligently. I could not do the three things well and fell behind in validating the Fa.
I knew that Dafa practitioners should not get sick, but no matter how hard I studied the Fa, practiced exercises, and looked inside, I could not change his condition. I really felt that I was in a dire, critical situation.
I also realized that the old forces had exhausted my energy and destroyed my will. I was worried and felt helpless. I knelt down in front of Master's photo and cried for help.
Awakened by Fellow Practitioners
One day, a practitioner did not want me to go to villages with them. The practitioner said that my husband and I did not have pure minds, because we had not paid our share of the gas money. They did not know that I have paid for all expenses over the years when we went to villages to distribute Dafa informational materials. I did not explain this at our group Fa studies, but I felt bitter and resentful and had negative thoughts about them. I even blamed them for not helping me.
Seeing that I had not enlightened, Master arranged for a practitioner to talk to me one day.
I had a strong attachment to fame and gain. After years of hard work, it was indeed painful to let go of my attachment to business. I was successful in my business and well known. From cultivation, I gained health and a peaceful mind.
I was shocked when the practitioner said that I had not really been a diligent cultivator in the past. Many questions thus started to come up. I started to wonder if I cultivated just to meet my own desires and self-fulfillment and to prove that I was better than others. I also questioned if I cultivated because I tried to avoid pain and hardship or to achieve consummation.
I took a deep breath and looked inward for answers. This practitioner advised me to truly cultivate well in order to overcome my husband's ordeal and asked me to place cultivation above my business.
There is a saying, “Cherish this unprecedented predestination as it was all for this time only.” It seemed that my husband was facing sickness karma. Actually, I was the one being tested in my xinxing.
I did the exercises in the early morning before I opened for business at 7am and studied the Fa in the evening until well after midnight. I also sent forth righteous thoughts. However, I actually did not study the Fa diligently. I often fell asleep as soon as I opened up the Dafa books.
I hung banners, painted slogans, and distributed Dafa informational materials almost every week, but I did these Fa-validation activities without righteous thoughts.
I gave out desktop calendars, booklets, and Shen Yun DVDs, but I gave them out selectively to my customers as keepsakes.
I cultivated even while I was busy in business. I advised people to quit the Chinese Communist Party. I did use my store as a place to tell people the facts and save them. However, I was strongly attached to demand. I used this opportunity to increase sales, too.
I wondered why, even though I had done so much for Dafa, my husband's illness was not cured. Master said:
“If one does not value virtue, one's illness will not even be healed. It is not true that once a person practices qigong, he will not catch any illness.” (Lecture #6, “Zhuan Falun”)
This practitioner was right. I suddenly awakened and realized that I did not truly believe in Master and Dafa. I did everything to show-off and to increase business. I indeed did not cultivate diligently. I measured things with human notions, not from the perspective of the Fa. It was then that I decided to return to my cultivation path.
Changing My Attitude and Balancing Family Life
My mother-in-law had been cared for by her daughters after her husband's sudden death. Influenced by her daughters, she gradually deviated from Dafa. I was worried, and I tried to remind her of the Fa and to inspire her to practice.
I eliminated my bad feelings about my sisters-in-law. I treated them in a friendly way and talked to them cordially.
When I visited other family members, I would help with chores.
I thoughtfully cared for and helped my step-daughter. I also considered issues from her perspective.
I tried to be more patient, careful, and considerate of my husband. I no longer complained about the difficulty of balancing a busy home life and business. My husband is a neat person, so I kept the house clean. I happily learned the recipes for the food he liked. I considered every daily trifle a part of my cultivation. I believed this was the best thing Master arranged for me, and I was firmly confident that I would overcome the tribulation.
The family conflicts were gone. My xinxing improved, and so did my husband's physical health.
Gradually, my husband was able to go up and down the stairs by himself. He can now go out to distribute informational materials and sometimes clarify the facts about Falun Dafa. He reads Zhuan Falun and participates in group Fa studies.
Because of my strong human notions, not only did the old forces weaken my husband physically, they tried to weaken my will to cultivate, but Master never gave up on me.
Master showed me the principles of the Fa when I suffered tribulations and guided me back on the cultivation path when I got lost. He enlightened me to become a real cultivator. He helped me remove deeply hidden human notions.
Master guided me out of the trap set up by the old forces and to be humble and compassionate. He helped me return to my true self.
Thank you, Master, for your merciful salvation.