Learning to Let Go of Party Culture and its Negative Influence
(Minghui.org) I first came to the United States in 2009. I worked with other practitioners in Flushing, New York, to tell Chinese people about the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. One of the practitioners mentioned that practitioners from China are influenced by Party culture, but I did not understand what he was talking about.
I do not speak English so I am unable to interact with Westerners. Flushing is primarily Chinese, so I did not feel that anything was odd. Because of this, I could not see the influence that Party culture was having on me.
I was born in China and had lived for decades with the pervasive Party propaganda. I was deeply influenced by Party culture although I did not realize it. I did not deeply analyze the way I talked or thought about anything, instead I followed my old habits.
Master has spoken of this many times in recent lectures. In “Fa Teaching Given at the 2014 San Francisco Fa Conference”, Master talked about this very seriously and I begin thinking a lot about it.
“Over the last several decades, the gradual and at times imperceptible indoctrination and influence of the evil CCP’s Party culture has made the Chinese people’s disposition warped, including that of some Dafa disciples, making them think about things in extreme ways...”
“...your lying, and your halfhearted way of working really exasperate [others].”
“When you do things you are always guarding yourselves, and you talk in a very veiled and evasive manner, giving others the impression that you are shifty. You are evasive about everything, but love to inquire about everything.”
“That’s why many Dafa disciples outside of China think that people like you are spies. That’s the impression they get.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2014 San Francisco Fa Conference”)
Master's serious words and tone struck me hard. I began to cry and did not dare look at Master. I was so ashamed of myself: I have cultivated for many years, why am I still like this!
The Party culture mindset causes serious problems. When we talk to Chinese tourists about Falun Gong at a popular tourist attraction, we sometimes put the informational materials on the steps and tie the banners to benches, trees, or water pipes. Park management repeatedly ask us to stop. This is a national park where overseas practitioners have been coming for many years to save people, but we almost ruined it.
Because of Party culture, I also have some attachments when I talk to Chinese tourists, such as, attachments to showing off, jealousy, lying, and so on. When many people agreed to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), I developed the attachment of zealotry, thinking I did so well! When other practitioners helped more people quit the CCP than I did, I was sometimes jealous.
Another issue is honesty. When I hear tourists with a Nanjing accent, I tell them I'm from Nanjing, thinking this may encourage them to listen to me or make a difference when I ask them to quit the CCP. In fact, although I lived in Nanjing for many years and was married there, I'm actually from Anhui Province. So technically, I was lying.
On the surface, I told people I was from Nanjing hoping they would talk with me and believe me. In reality, I did this due to the attachment of fear. I'm on the CCP’s black list, and while I am here on asylum, my family including my child are still in Anhui. So I usually tell people I'm from Nanjing to protect my family. It's also due to vanity—Anhui is relatively inferior compared to Nanjing.
There were also other types of attachments. One morning, I only helped three people quit the CCP. When a practitioner asked me how many people quit the CCP, I said not many. When I thought about it, I realized that I did not tell her the exact number because the number was not high. I did this to protect myself. This is an example of what Master mentioned in the above lecture.
One big regret I have concerns my husband. When we came to the United States he was almost 90 years old, and he was also a practitioner. During the four years we were in Flushing, I stopped taking care of him.
Influenced by the Party culture way of taking everything to an extreme, I assumed doing more things equates to being more diligent in cultivation practice. Therefore, I frequently went out to work with other practitioners, and left him home alone. He was an intellectual, a good person, but did not know much about cooking or taking care of himself. Since he could not read English, he once mistook liquid soap as vegetable oil and cooked food with it.
When he had illness karma, I did not take good care of him, such as studying the Fa with him, talking with him, or encouraging him to overcome the difficulty. After he passed away, I felt I had been very selfish – only caring about my own cultivation – and my behavior was extreme. This was a serious lesson for me.
The above are some examples of the Party culture's negative influence on me. I now realize that the fundamental issue is that I was attached to myself. Without really looking within fundamentally, it's difficult to achieve a state of being selfless or compassionate. Because of this, it is hard to walk out of the old cosmos, assimilate myself to the Fa and make real progress.
We don't have much time left and I have to really dig out the root of Party culture and do better in cultivation.
(Presented at the 2016 Greater Philadelphia Falun Dafa Cultivation Experience Sharing Conference)