Overcoming Fatigue and Tests to Mature in Cultivation
(Minghui.org) I learned Falun Dafa in 2009 and am very grateful to have had an opportunity to mature in cultivation and awaken to the Fa principles through my work for the Minghui website.
Over the years, I have realized that a key factor when doing Dafa work is doing it well. A year ago, I had a dream in which I was attending an art class. Master was the teacher. He told us that we were going to do a drawing competition and that we needed to succeed to become enlightened beings. I thought, “That's easy. I can do that!” I didn't pay attention to details and drew everything quite quickly and without a clear mind. I didn't win the competition or succeed.
When I woke up, I didn't think much of it and thought it was just a funny dream. During that week, I continued my media work as usual. I sometimes found it very hard to work at night, and was in a dizzy state of mind. I would fall asleep during my work, wake up suddenly, and then continue working. I could spend an hour on just one paragraph because I couldn't make sense of it.
Some other times, I had a runny nose as soon as I started the work. It was clearly interference, but sometimes, as soon as I was able to find the mistakes in my work, the sickness karma would cease straight away.
Not long after that, I got an email from one of the editors, pointing out my mistakes. He said I was forgetting many parts in my work. My first thought was to defend myself: “I work a job full time and work for the media overnight. I'm just too tired. I work hard.”
I soon realized that my recent dream had pointed out my shortcomings. I realized how important the details were, and how my work impacted others and the overall cooperation. I really needed to upgrade my work and not let the evil interfere with me. It was not about doing a lot of work; it was about doing it well and cooperating well with others.
I had another dream one day when I had fallen asleep while working on an article. I was in a room full of people, and someone was looking at me with a spyglass. I then, had the thought, “They are looking at me.” I woke up and realized the importance of my work, and that I had to treat it seriously.
“There are so many beings and gods throughout the entire cosmos, and they are densely packed without any gaps, all staring at you and watching closely the thoughts of everyone on earth, for this affair on earth impacts the entire cosmic body.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2014 San Francisco Fa Conference”)
With constant Fa study, memorizing Zhuan Falun or Hong Yin every day, doing an hour of exercises per day, sending righteous thoughts, and maintaining the will to improve, I was able to overcome the fatigue and become more clearheaded and free of interference.
I started to consistently read my articles after the editors had proofread them, and I wrote down all the changes they made in a document. By September 2014, it had started to go more smoothly, and the quality of my work had improved. I was also pregnant with my first child, so I thought it would be a natural thing to reduce my workload with Minghui.
But Master had other plans for me. A month or so later, I was asked to proofread articles and be an editor. I felt that the project was really giving me an opportunity to become more mature and establish my mighty virtue. As soon as I started though, the runny nose started again, and I felt that I had to start learning all over again. When I was given a lot of work to do and really felt the heavy responsibility on my shoulders, I started thinking again, “How can I be asked to do so much? It's too hard.” I complained in my head when the articles were long and when I had too much to do, that others weren't doing enough to help me.
I decided not to let my thoughts be interfered with, and to really purify every one of them. I strengthened my righteous thoughts and decided not to listen to those negative thoughts. I was looking outward instead of inward.
Every time I start having that heavy feeling after reading an email asking me to do more or detailing new requirements, I can realize it more quickly now. I stop my thoughts from polluting me, and I focus on having a clear mind.
Now, before editing an article, usually with my baby sleeping on my lap, I try to remember that I do this to validate the Fa, and to save sentient beings. I eliminate all negative thoughts about whether or not the article will be read by people, and about the previous practitioner who worked on the article. I understand that I have the chance to practice Falun Dafa in this important period of time not only to be healthy and live in harmony with my family, but to save sentient beings, because Master requires me to do so:
“Clarifying the facts and saving sentient beings are what you need to accomplish. There is nothing else for you to accomplish.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2015 New York Fa Conference”)
This is my limited understanding, please point out anything inappropriate.
Category: Improving Oneself